Assembling The Avengers For a Cup of Tea

for always and forever (Bucky x Reader)

This is one of my favourite songs ever (I went through I sad song phase and wrote this story a while ago actually...) I don't even know if the song really goes well with the story so please let me know. And let me know your interpretation of the song because my sister was like; 'boy he's clingy' when she first listened to it. 

I've been advised several times by my best friend 'G' that I should put a warning before publishing this so...that's why I'm now going to say;  If you feel sad, I don't think you should read this...just a fair warning to those who feel like how i felt when I wrote this for the first time :)

This is the third month of you being in a coma.

I'm still cautious about letting my...arm...touch you. I know you always tell me to do it, that you don't mind, that you love me for who I am and that the metal arm is part of that. 

I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to be in this hospital. It's not fair.

You haven't moved a millimetre since being unconscious and the doctors are getting restless. They say it's not going to be long before you...

But I can't just let them end it all. Not yet.

They estimate it will be a matter of weeks till you die. I hope to God you wake up soon.

Sometimes I think that you've moved a hand, or your eyelid flickered but it was just my imagination.

Please. Y/N. I need you. God, I should have said it sooner. I shouldn't have let you gone home that night. I should have insisted you stayed with me.

My throat always feels like it is closing up whenever I think of you and I cry all the time. I'm not fit to work anymore, Steve's forcing me on bedrest when I'm not the one who got...God, I can't even imagine how terrified you must be.

Being trapped in a coma-induced sleep.

Just, please. Y/N...please wake up. I don't know what I'm going to do if you die.

And I know it sounds cheesy or sappy but you are my one. You are the only one for me. There isn't ever going to be anyone else quite like you.

Just please come back to me.

Oh God, look at me. I'm crying now. Uh...you'd probably tease me if you could see me...tell me to not make such a big deal out of it because you're fine. But you're not fine. And you can't lie to me and say you are because you're...almost dead.

...

Steve's calling me, visiting hours are almost up. I'll come back tomorrow and this time, I'll bring tulips.

I know you're allergic to dandelions so I can't bring in wildflowers, despite you love them so much.

I'll bring chocolate, maybe only a few pieces, in case you don't wake up tomorrow.

Do you want me to bring you some of those scented candles from home? The vanilla ones?

Okay...well, goodbye, Y/N, I'll see you tomorrow.

~~~

Four months, Y/N. Four months.

I'm so proud that you outlasted the doctors' predictions. Just please, wake up now? We miss you so much.

You can come home and we can watch as many movie marathons as you want. We can eat as much ice cream as possible.

I need you so much.

I miss your voice and I'm so scared without you.

Please don't leave me.

~~~

I think I'm falling apart.

Your funeral was beautiful, Y/N. Everyone cried we all said something in your memory.

We're planning on growing a cherry tree in your ashes so that when it blooms with cherry blossom we'll be able to remember all those fond memories. It's a little cheesy, you'd make fun of me for weeks if you knew but...I don't know what else to do.

I'm so sorry. I should have been there. It should have been me who died. You didn't deserve any of this pain.

You left this world in the morning, just as the sun rose. They called me the second they found out and they tried to revive you but it was too late.

I said I didn't know what I was going to do without you, I was right.

I'm lost.

I feel like I'm adrift on a piece of wood in a tumultuous sea. Alone.

I'm tired of being alone. I hate it. Steve's there but it's just not...he can't ever replace you. I feel so alone. I don't know what I'm going to do now that you're gone. 

I don't want to fight anymore. You were always the one who tried to find alternatives to our line of work. Blowing shit up, shooting the bad guys. You always wanted to reason with them.

I'm not working for SHIELD anymore. I'm not part of the Avengers. We're hopeless without you. 

You have no idea how wrecked we all are. Tony doesn't sleep at all, Steve's not much better. Natasha has been training and training and training, exhausting herself out to a point where she's at near collapse all the time. Clint's just...he's quiet. So's Sam. 

I don't even know why I'm talking to you when you're gone.

This will probably be the last time I see you again. Even with you...dead.

I love you so much, Y/N.

And I'm sorry I couldn't tell you that sooner.

Love, for always and forever,

Bucky