Heteronym

Chapter 19

I felt like I was having the biggest period of my life and it sucked ass. It definitely hurt a lot less than giving birth though, and for that I was grateful. It was a week after my abortion and honestly, I knew I had made the right choice and that was the biggest relief of them all. A lot of women suffer from depression and guilt after abortion but either I was the opposite or my already existing depression masked it pretty well. I think both options weren't exactly good things, but I wasn't feeling depressed now. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

People could disagree with me all they want, but this abortion saved my mental health and my career. Call me selfish; I know it is, I just don't care anymore. I made a choice and I would stand by it, just like my boyfriend would stand by me.

I knew Beck wanted kids an awful lot. I wouldn't say more than anything, but it was close. And yet he chose to respect what I wanted and support it without even having to take time to think. He might not realize how important that was to me, but then it's just testament to his character. Beckett Sampson would give up everything without even thinking in order to make me happy and to ensure I was okay.

And I made sure I told him how much it meant to me every single day.

It was so cold outside it was like the winter was setting in early. Goodbye to October and hello November, because I could see my breath as I walked the campus of NYU at six on the Wednesday night. There had been a game in D.C. last night so I hadn't been in the lab to work with Zeke, hence my need for extra time today. The fact that we didn't have practice today really helped too.

My attention was drawn from my white sneakers on the beige sidewalk when I sensed Beck exiting the steps of one of the lecture halls to my left. I looked up and flashed him a smile as he descended the steps of one of his only classes. He was done by now, just in time for me to give up on my lab work and hopefully to go to dinner.

"Hey," I greeted him with a smile. The sun was starting to set in the distance, but there was still more than enough light for me to see every detail of his face like it was midday. Beck leaned down and pecked my lips, handing me a warm paper cup with a black lid.

"That way or may not be cold considering it's an hour old, but it's definitely warmer than it is out here." I took a sip of the chocolatey liquid, letting it run down my throat with with a pleased look on my face. It was definitely warmer than it was out here, probably a little hotter than lukewarm.

"Still warm," I chirped greatfully. "Thank you, Baby."

"No problem," he smiled back at me. That look still melted my insides into oblivion even after ten months.

"You want some?" I offered Beck but he shook his head and took my left hand, intertwining our fingers as we started to walk through the campus in the heart of the city. There were definitely less people in this area especially at night, but it looked the same as the rest of New York with tall buildings and wide streets. The only difference was the sidewalks were bigger and the buildings had purple and white NYU flags hanging off them. "What do you want to do for dinner?"

"Taylor texted me earlier. He wanted to know if you want to get Pho at that place near his apartment at seven."

"What? No lady friends tonight?" I teased sarcastically.

"I'm sure that's for after dinner," Beck mused.

"Why not? I'm up for it. Are you?"

"Yep, I'll text him." Was I the only person who needed two hands to text? Because Beck pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted Taylor using only his left hand and I found that impressive. Then again his hands are a lot larger than mine so maybe that's it. We'll just go with that so I don't feel like an idiot who can't type to save her life. "So how was the lab?" Beck asked after slipping the brand new device back in his pocket.

"It was a lab," I shrugged. "I think everyone gets this idea that I'm discovering new fucking planets or looking at colorful pictures and shit. I don't think they realize it's numbers on a data chart and grainy blue and white pixels that look like blobs."

"It's more fun to imagine it the other way around. Now you just look like a lame nerd."

I narrowed my eyes and glared at Beck but he ignored me, instead fixated on the sidewalk ahead. It wasn't until his line of sight halted from scanning to fixated that I subconsciously looking in that direction. Upon first glance the two tall men exiting another NYU building with glass paines looked completely normal. I thought they might have been in one of Beck's classes or something.

Then I saw their faces as one leaned against the metal rail of the stairs with his arms crossed, talking to the other one on the steps. Finn might only be my half brother, but I knew what he looked like and I knew what my father looked like. Do you know how many dirty blonde twins are in this city? Probably hundreds. But there was something inside me that knew exactly who those two men were. Green eyes, dirty blonde hair, narrow faces like my father, and sharp jaws like my brother and I.

My boyfriend was thinking the same exact thing, because his attention was darting between looking down at me and trying to subtly watch the two college students to our right as we passed them on the sidewalk. The one leaning against the rail felt the weight of our eyes, glancing at us and having the same freezing reaction for a moment. The only difference? Beck and I's faces were all over the news and if they were really my brothers, they knew us.

But they didn't say anything and neither did I. We just kept on walking past them, my attention fixed ahead. "You're thinking the same thing I am, right?" I asked under my breath, hoping he wasn't. I didn't want to deal with the idea that my estranged family was on the same campus I spent part of my day on every day. It would be weird to go up to a random person and ask for their name to see if you were related, but there was a pull I had felt and that was undeniable. There is a reason Beck did a double take with them, just like there is a reason I couldn't help but be convinced we shared the same mitochondrial DNA.

"That the resemblance between them and Finn is almost identical? No, not at all," Beck drawled. "Do you think..?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I think which is why I'm asking you because I'm hoping the fuck not."

"You know, you could always ask if you see them again," Beck told me like it was the simplest things ever.

I snorted in response. "Beck, I love you, but you're an idiot. What am I supposed to do? Go up and say 'Hi, you may or may not recognize me from the internet but, I think I'm your sister so what's your name?' That's how you get security called on you."

"Okay, while I'm not suggesting you say it like a maniac but introducing yourself could be a little less weird if you don't act like a crazy person." Ouch. Then again, he was right. Like always (which was the most annoying thing ever).

"I have a better idea. How about you run into one of them, use that as an excuse to talk to them, then tell me everything you know."

Beck rolled his eyes at me, "First of all, that somehow makes it even more weird. Second of all, they clearly saw me with you and even if they didn't, my name is pretty intertwined with yours online so it wouldn't be very subtle."

"What's the point of a boyfriend if he won't spy for you? God, maybe I should date Taylor instead. At least he doesn't ruin my plans with logic," I grumbled. If I wasn't holding Beck's hand and the hot chocolate he had gotten me, I would have crossed me arms to make a point.

"You know what? You tell that to Taylor at dinner and you two can run off together. I know somehow you'll both end up arrested by two am." I'd like to think I had a solid head on my shoulders, but with Taylor anyone was an idiot. Hence he and Beck getting us kicked out of restaurants on a regular basis. Really, Beck shouldn't be one to talk.

"Fuck you."

"You do. All the time."

He's got me there.