With All That Grace

e i g h t | Even So

e i g h t | Even So

Another winded day later at dinner, I was at my usual spot on the sofa next to Uncle Albert who was sitting up in bed, his forkful of grilled salmon paused a short distance from his mouth as he kept his eyes on the TV screen.

It was safe to say I was introducing him to a lot of movies he hadn't seen.

It was also safe to say that between this and my daily Friends reruns, I was watching a lot of television.

He was getting better, at least. He was still on bed rest and still didn't look too good, but there weren't any needles required anymore and he looked... well, happier. Or at least he was whenever I showed up for dinner with a movie recommendation already in mind.

And it was nice.

Not to mention that it gave him something to focus on aside from being sick and he liked the movies I showed him, so hey, it was good.

"If I knew this was all that I was missing out on being a King, I might've have given it up," he muttered before finally taking a bite of his awaiting food and I laughed incredulously.

"What, for this?"

He smiled. "Your mother knew what she was doing."

The mention of her was as it always was—like warmth. Like soaking up the sun. Like my heart feeling full. It hadn't been long but I didn't hate it when someone mentioned her. Hell, I loved it. I loved talking about her. Why wouldn't I?

I just loved remembering her.

"I guess she did," I smiled at my empty plate.

"Smart one, her," he chuckled. "A lot more than me, anyway. Like you, with a good head on her shoulders."

"I don't know about that," I nudged his arm. "You seem pretty smart to me."

"Well..." He wasn't that hard to convince. "We are related so I suppose you can't be wrong about that."

The next day wasn't any different. I did everything the same way: had breakfast, had lessons with Bernice, spent some time in the library, had lunch in my room as I talked to Leah, did my TV time, studied whatever I had for the day and had dinner with Uncle Albert the same way.

Everything was pretty much the same, except when he asked me something we'd never talked about in between eating and watching the movie on the screen.

"Are you happy here, Joy?"

For a split second, I faltered. What?

Was I happy here?

I tried to say something, anything, but it was one of those odd moments where you're stuck because you're actually thinking about it. Hell, was a question that simple really going to throw me for a loop right then?

I couldn't let it, at least not right then.

I smiled back. "Sitting here eating the best food ever and watching good old throwbacks with you? How could I not be happy?"

It worked. His attention was diverted for the moment, eyes excited as they went back to the television again, but I still knew what I said wasn't an answer.

Ross was insisting that Rachel and him had been on a break on TV, and I was huddled on my bed with a blanket I'd pulled around me as tight as I could, not seeing what was happening on the screen anymore.

Are you happy here, Joy? Those words were all I was hearing now. Was I happy?

It wasn't my job to be happy here.

Even so, a part of me insisted.

Well, I wasn't unhappy.

Okay, no, now that sounded bad.

But then again, it was true. I wasn't unhappy.

I wasn't unhappy, but I was also alone. That felt enough of an answer.

I didn't like that feeling, like I had no one. I was one of the people who thrived off of others, fed off of the energy I got from being with people. I was the type of person who always had someone—my mom, Leah and my other great friends I surrounded myself with, mom's good friends that were so close they were like family to me. And now?

I had Uncle Albert and Bernice—with Alexander making the occasional appearance here and there (which wasn't any more than random glimpses of him walking down the hall)—and texting back and forth with Leah.

It was... empty.

And, I realized with a sinking feeling, it felt pretty damned lonely.

Breathing out a sigh, I focused on the picture at my bedside. It was one Leah took of me and mom when she'd come to visit me on campus, both of us smiling big as we stood together in the quad.

I knew she'd understand. I knew she'd understand everything about why I was here and doing all this.

But the thought that she'd never wanted anything to do with the castle didn't feel too good on top of all that I was already thinking about.

I took a deep breath and focused on the now as I forced my fingers to loosen the tight grip on my blanket.

I was going to be the princess of Bellewynn.

If anything, I could counter being lonely.

Or hell, if this was how it was going to be, I could just get used to it.

Hope everyone's doing well! (: