Make it all go away

Empty

Dean was watching Sam with worried eyes as he continued talking to Sam and stroking his hair, he wasn't even sure Sam could even hear him anymore, or if he was listening, but still Dean continued all the same. He wasn't going to let nightmares destroy his brother, so intended to do everything he possibly could to help Sam feel safe again. Dean couldn't help but let his curiosity get the better of him after an hour of rocking and comforting his little brother:

"Sammy, I need you to listen to me now okay, can you hear me?" Dean felt a slight nod of Sam's head under his hands so took it as a sign to continue, "okay good, well I know we've gone over this before, but something's changed now hasn't it? That was a new memory you were having last night, one you hadn't had before wasn't it?" Another nod of the head, Sam's rocking had almost ceased as he was listening closely to every word Dean was saying now, "And I know this may be hard for you Sammy, but you need to talk to me about it, remember that's how we get through this, you talk to me about the memories and then we get through them together, like we always have." Dean felt Sam tense up, at those words, but he tried to cover it up by quickly relaxing again, but Dean had felt it, there was something more about this nightmare, something that was digging away at Sam, but Dean knew he couldn't help unless Sam told him what the problem was.

For the time being, Dean accepted that Sam didn't want to talk, and allowed him to remain on the bed until he fell asleep again, it was only then when he fell asleep at 3 in the afternoon did it occur to Dean how little Sam had been sleeping, if at all. He'd been going to bed after Dean, so Dean wasn't really sure what time, and was always awake when Dean stirred in the mornings. It was as he was looking down on his sleeping brother did he notice the dark circles that had formed under his eyes, and, disturbed as it was, this morning was the first time Dean had actually seen Sam asleep in a long time. He looked down, and couldn't help but think that what could he be remembering that could be this bad?

"Bobby come on answer the phone, I'm losing my fricking mind here."

Dean had gone out that afternoon to try and not disturb Sam from his sleep, as it seemed to look like he was finally at peace after the eventful morning, but now he was getting nowhere in terms of finding help from Bobby. He was always there for the boys to help them deal with whatever crap they got themselves in, but Dean breathed another deep sigh as the phone rang through to voice mail for the 12th time. He'd stopped leaving messages after the 4th call, but kept ringing just in case Bobby responded.

He called a few more times before deciding Bobby was obviously out on a case, or just busy, so with a heavy heart Dean returned to the motel room.

As he approached the door, he could hear muffled yells getting louder as he approached his and Sam's room.

Shit Sammy!

Dean picked up the pace and started running towards his room, as he flung open the door to see Sam still asleep in the bed, but yelling at the top of his lungs.

"GET OFF ME! I SAID GET OFF YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME STOP!!!!"

It was mixed in with pleas for forgiveness and mercy, and yells of what sounded to be like pain. Dean couldn't help but stand there dumbfounded staring at his little brother writhing in pain in his sleep before his hunter instincts kicked in and reminded him to go to Sams aid. He rushed over and slowly started to try and wake Sam up as he continued struggling against Dean's grip. Dean could see a sweat forming all over Sam's forehead and knew he needed to wake Sam up soon before he started having a panic attack in his sleep.

Dean slowly managed to bring Sam back to consciousness following the routine he had had to do only this morning. When Sam first opened his eyes, they were full of pure terror, and were rapidly filling with water as Dean rushed to Sam's side to cradle his brother. Sam tried to pull himself together, when he realized he was at no risk, and it was just him and Dean in the room, but not before a few small tears escaped his eyes. Angry with himself for being so weak in front of Dean, Sam turned away from him and tried to get out of bed to go for some air when Dean's strong hand gripped his arm and pulled him down onto the bed. Sam knew Dean wasn't going to hurt him, but couldn't help but flinch when he felt Dean's rough hands grip his arm.

"Look Sammy, I know you don't want to talk about this, heck you get your stubbornness from me, but you have got to talk to me man, what's going on in that freaky little head of yours?" Dean knew it was a shot in the dark, but he had to find out what was going on before he could help Sam, and he hated feeling so helpless as he watched Sam slowly breaking beside him.

"Dean I-" Sam had to stop talking to take a deep breath to stop himself from bursting into tears in front of Dean, "Dean, I didn't want to tell you this, ever, if it came down to it. Not only because I didn't want to, but because I didn't know how." Sam paused again to regain his composure, as Dean sat in silence still stroking Sam's hair, not wanting to interrupt him from possibly finally telling Dean what was really going on. "You've probably already guessed, my dreams are about hell. Well that's always been fine before now, and up until about 2 weeks ago, it was just the same old same old burning in the pit. But now-" Sam's voice cracked at this point, and Dean could slowly feel his eyes start to well up. He knew he shouldn't be making Sam talk about this, but there was just no way around it. "Now, it's these new memories, they just keep flooding it, it's like a new memory every time I fall asleep, and they just keep getting worse."

"Wait wait, Sammy, new memories, what do you mean, how can you only just be getting new memories now, you've been out of hell for nearly a year now, surely every piece of shit you went through must have surfaced by now?" Dean felt Sam take a deep breath and heard a deep sigh escape him, as is he was becoming completely deflated.

"I don't know Dean, I don't understand it either. Like I said it started about two weeks ago, but my best guess is that my brain tried to lock away the worst memories because it knew how much they'd screw me up, but now, they're all just rushing back in and I can't take it anymore Dean!" With that a few sobs racked Sam's body and Dean could do nothing more than cradle him in his arms and try and assure him everything would be okay.

"No it won't Dean! Every time I close my eyes I see him! I see what he's doing to me and I feel it, I feel the pain that comes with it, it's like I'm being tortured and I know it's just a memory that it's not happening right now, but then all the memories of the pain and fear I felt at the time come rushing back, and I sort of just freeze and can't do anything about it, not even wake up." Sam was full on crying now, and Dean was just taken aback by how much his brother had been hurting, without him even knowing it. "I don't know what to do anymore Dean, every time I close my eyes, he's standing over me, and I, I, I can't do anything to stop him, because he has me tied down and I'm helpless, and then he starts ripping my clothes off, and burning them off my skin before he, he, he-" Dean knew Sam wouldn't stop now, he was crying his eyes out and rocking back and forth, but there was no way Dean could stop the words from flowing out of his mouth, but as the next few words left Sam's mouth, Dean wished he'd never asked in the first place, "he, he raped me Dean, he raped me and I couldn't do anything to stop it."