You're Are Here (Under Revision)

Orvyn

Orvyn had two problems: her hair and Desmond Lim. Her shaggy locks were all over her face, the bangs she decided to cut out of boredom even messier. It gave off the idea that she might be hiding birds, even if she knew it was an implausible thing to believe nor would she ever carry birds with her. The winged creature scared her.

The latter, on the other hand, was the real problem, the real deal. The way he held his pen was the real problem. The way he nibbled his lower lip as he thought was the real problem. The motion of his hand while he scribbled notes was the real problem. Alam ng lahat na kaya nitong magsulat gamit ang dalawang kamay. At rare occurrences when he was running out of time, Orvyn noticed how he used his hands both at the same time, writing essays while he typed on his laptop.

Desmond in totality was the problem, her problem.

Kailanman ay hindi siya nito tiningnan nang matagal. At rare occasions, he would glance jadedly as if she were invisible to his eyes. Kahit noong nasa Singapore sila para sa isang debate ay hindi siya nito kailanman tiningnan. He only talked to her when needed.

She raised her head to look at him once more. He was sitting across her, the library bore witness of their cloistered romance—her cloistered romance, rather, for Desmond for sure didn't feel the same.

He spent his time with books more than he did with other people. Kung pwede nga la'y sa tingin niya'y ayos lang sa lalaking pumasok nang walang kasama. The guy had no friends, at least according to what she saw. They bore the same characteristics in counted angles. Both introvert, both smart, both tall, yet he was a lot taller, both inquisitive and both children of Biochemistry.

Learning about magnetic fields, she knew opposites attracted while analogues repelled, but it wasn't the same case with Orvyn's.

She started liking him when she realized how akin they are. That was when the fantasies started messing up her with her mind. She had imagined the things they would do together; studying, engaging into debates, discussing about books, talking about conspiracies about animal agriculture, and maybe they would do other things such as... kissing. Not that she knew anything about kissing and the mystery behind it. How did other people manage to move their lips in rhythm with each other and why did they include tongues?

Those questions lingered in her mind, making her cheeks shine bright red.

Tumunog ang bell, hudyat na 3 P.M. na at kailangan na niyang pumasok sa huling subject niya para sa araw na iyon. She started clearing her stuff off the table slowly, waiting for Desmond to finish off first but he also worked slowly, maybe even slower than she did.

Napangiti siya nang tipid.

Iyon ang isang bagay na pareho silang dalawa. Whenever it involved leaving the library which served as their sanctuary from the world that didn't understand the both of them, they both did the parting slowly. Maybe, in Orvyn's case, she also wanted to be with him until the last minute possible. Nonetheless, that was the thing they did without thinking, and at the end of the minute, they would leave the library both at the same time.

Hindi maintindihan ni Orvyn kung bakit mag-dadalawang taon nang ganoon ang set-up nilang dalawa'y hindi pa rin sila kailanman nag-usap kahit na minsan ay silang dalawa lang sa library kapag nag-la-lunch break ang librarian.

Maybe because just like what other people saw, she was only an uninteresting, boring and weird girl in his eyes. Maybe even if they were almost the same, he saw her as a loser. Sino nga bang kakausap sa isang talunan?

She had always wanted to talk to him but the thoughts about getting rejected or waved off had been drawing her back.

She grew more anxious the more she thought about it. Kaya minsan ay ayaw na rin niyang mag-isip para maisalba ang sarili niya mula sa mga masasakit na bagayng siya lang din ang may kasalanan. ‘You think too much,’  her brother told her one time. Baka iyon din ang problema niya. She thought too much bad scenarios, and she couldn't help it.

Whenever she built up a certain amount of courage to finally talk to him, or at least say hi and let him see she existed, her anxiety pulled her back again, back to her cage, shut to the world of what-ifs.

What if I'll only end up hurting?

What if he won't like me?

What if I'll only be a nuisance?

What if things will turn out worse than ever?

There was no other thing as dangerous as your own thoughts.

If he'd only give her a single sign, she would surely do things she'd never know she was capable of doing such as picking up her scattered books... which he also did.

Hindi niya iyon sinadya, sadyang minsan ay nadudulas lang talaga siya kahit hindi naman madulas ang sahig, katulad kanina noong nasa labas na sila ng library. Thanks to the invisible banana peel and she finally had her sign. Thanks to the great cosmos!

She wasn't expecting for his great aid to come but she wasn't complaining either lalong-lalo na't na-iimagine niya ang sarili sa isang gasgas na eksena sa isang gasgas na romantic-comedy na pelikula. She had always hated those films, and she had even written a series of critiques for the said films but after that incident, the movies that bore the same scene were a kilometer closer to her heart.

Tanging pagtibok lang ng munti niyang puso ang naririnig niya habang pinupulot niya nang dahan-dahan ang mga gamit niyang nasa sahig habang ramdam ang presensya ng kasamang pinupulot din ang mga gamit niya.

When there was nothing left, her unguarded thoughts then resurfaced.

Thank you so much for your utter benevolence. I'll never forget this day nor will I ever forget you either. I hope we'll get closer by the end of this because I yearn to know you more. And if you don't have things to do, could I invite you out for coffee? I saw you reading The Symphatizer by Viet Thanh Nguyen and maybe we can discuss things about the book, parts that you enjoyed and parts that you didn't while we drink our coffee down to the last sip. I have always been wondering whether you're a black-coffee person or not.

When there was enough silence between the both of them, only a sincere “Thank you” came out to her mouth which she then regretted.

But then, to her utter disbelief, he replied with, “Be careful next time.” He said, and although not in a concerned manner, not in a rude manner either. He said it like she expected him to say: direct and straight.

Dahil hindi pa rin makapaniwala at dahil sa sobrang kabang nararamdaman ay tanging pagtango lang ang naitugon ni Orvyn. Desmond placed her stuff on her unprepared arms, careful enough not to touch her.

Ilang minuto ang lumipas bago siya nabalik sa wisyo at napagtanto ang nangyari pati na rin ang posibilidad na late na siya sa huling klase.

Later on that day, after pondering over and over again, she finally decided to make a move. And although not the greatest writer, she sure had the best of courage when she wrote.

Bringing out her best sticky notes she received as a gift, she wrote in the best penmanship as possible,

‘Thanks for the help a while ago. Wouldn't have done it without you. Care for coffee? —Orvyn’.

Which later found its way to the garbage bin.

‘Thanks for earlier. Coffee? —Orvyn’

Itinapon na naman niya ito kasunod ng iba pa. She was already getting more anxious as she thought about the right thing to write.

Should she include her name and her mailing address?

She was already in the verge of giving up when she finally resolved in writing a single word that she then stuck at the top of his book inside his ironic locker.

‘Coffee?’