Never Been Fixed (Demi Lovato)

Chapter 34/35 (cuz I messed up)

I shook my head. "You are a piece of work, you know that? But I love you anyways. And you need to stop swearing. I'm gonna have to start washing your mouth out with soap like they did in the old days."

"Ooh, I wouldn't mind that if you used your tongue to clean it," Bea said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Oh my god, STOP!" I yelled, trying not to laugh. "C'mon Bea, just shut up for a sec, I need to talk to you about something."

Bea's face turned serious. "Okay. Okay, I'm quiet. Tell me whatever you need to."

"Bea, I...I self harm. That's why I'm in the hospital," I said quickly, knowing that if I waited any longer, I wouldn't be able to say it. "I was at cheer practice and I cut too deep and I fainted and ended up here. I've been doing it for years and I haven't ever able to stop, nor do I want to. Also what we told you about my parents being on vacation and me just staying at Demis house, it's not true. Demi adopted me because my family is a total mess and my drunk ass depressed mom kicked me the fuck out." I let out a long breath. "So yeah that's the truth and I hope you don't hate me."

Bea's eyes were sparking with tears. "Baby, of course I don't hate you. Plus I kinda knew about the adopting thing anyways. You really suck at lying, FYI. And about the self harm, I really don't know how to help you with that because clearly I'm not an expert, but I swear on my life I will help you in whatever way I can. You want me to do something, I will do it. I just want you to get better, for me and for you. Also I swear I'm not crying, I just got a...little fire and gold in my eyes. Beatrice Miller doesn't cry."

"Thank you SO much for understand, Bea. You have no idea how much it means to me. And you totally are crying, you little baby."

"Wait, I know there's one more thing you're not telling me," Bea said quietly.

"Um...no..that's it," I said uncertainly, not quite sure what she was getting at. I didn't want to confess something and have it turn out that it wasn't even the secret Bea was thinking about, because in truth, I had a ton of secrets and I wasn't sure which one she was talking about.

"Seriously Robyn, I know there's something missing, and if you don't tell me, I'll tell you for you, if that even makes sense."

"No really," I insisted, "I actually have no clue what you're talking about."

"You have an eating disorder, Robyn," Bea almost shouted, her voice exasperated.

"No! I don't!" I denied quickly. I might have a problem with eating, but honestly you couldn't call it an eating disorder. I was too fat to have an eating disorder.

"You do, Robyn, and you need to accept it. I've seen the way you look at food, and at your own body, and it's not pretty. I'm not judging you or mad at you in any way, I'd just like you to admit it so that we can get through this together. I'm on your side, I'm here for you."

"Okay. I have...an eating disorder," I rushed. "Happy? Now can we just lea-" I tried to get out of bed but Bea pushed me back down.

"Not so fast, Lovato. We're totally not done with this conversation, by the way, but for now I'd like to move onto another serious but admittedly more happy topic. Us."

"Us?" I questioned.

"Us." she confirmed. "What are we? Are we anything?"

"Honestly, Bea, I have no clue. I don't even know if I'm bi or gay or straight or what."

"Who cares?" Bea shrugged. "Labels are for jam jars, not for people. You don't need to decide on anything right now. I mean, I don't have to know anything about myself to know that I'm...I'm falling in love with you."