The Third Everdeen

Chapter 45

"What's going on here?" Katniss asked Boggs. I stayed quiet, my eyes trained on Peeta.

Boggs turned around walking between Jackson and I, "Cuff him." He ordered Jackson and walked back into the building. Slowly I lowered my knives and looked at him, my expression softening. 

Peeta never looked up, even when he was getting cuffed, "Soldier," Jackson addressed him, "This is just a precaution until we get everything straightened out. Yeah?" she advised as she put the metal cuffs around his wrists. 

He nodded, his eyes trained on the ground. More than anything I wanted him to look at me, I needed to see his eyes. I wanted to see if a glimmer of the man I once knew; the man who once loved me as much as I loved him; was still in there somewhere. 

~

"They want us to add him to the propo," Boggs informed, "Show that he's on our side now."

"Is he actually though?" I asked.

Boggs looked at me sadly but didn't answer my question, "We will move forward a few blocks tomorrow and shoot the new footage."

Gale sighed and gave me a look, "He's not in control of himself." 

"I say we schedule an around-the-clock watch on him," Jackson suggested, "The Leegs till 1700, Homes and Mitchell till 1900."

I hesitated but I knew I needed to be on that list, "I can watch him." 

To that Katniss shook her head furiously, "Lily-" I stopped her with a look. She paused seeing the hurt but hopeful glimmer in my face and sighed, dropping whatever it was she was going to say.

Jackson looked at me skeptically, "If it really came down to it, you think you could shoot him?" 

I gave her a stern look, "If I end up having to shoot him it's because it's not actually Peeta. I wouldn't hurt him if he gave me the slightest sign that the real him was still in there. If I had to shoot him it would be because he's a Mutt created by the capitol and the man I fell for is gone. " I answered.

"I'm not sure if that answer recommends you for the position, soldier." Jackson responded. 

Boggs looked at me then back at her, "Put her in the rotation," He ordered and walked away. 

I hesitated a second and followed him out, passing Peeta; unaware he was watching me walk past him. I stood by Boggs and looked at him, "You know he's going to try to kill me." I stated, "With all this going on, he's not in his right mind."

"We'll keep him contained."

I was confused, "Why would Coin okay this?"

He turned to face me, "Here's all I know. It was Peeta that she wanted rescued from the arena. She never liked you. She doesn't like anybody or anything that she can't control." 

"So just because I'm not easily pushed around, she wanted me dead?" I asked.

He looked at me sorry, "She would deny it; but..."

"Boggs?" I looked at him, suspense building inside me.

"This war is going to come to an end. In one way or another. They promised a free election. Maybe she's startin' to see you as a threat."

I snorted, "I'm not a leader."

"No, but if you endorsed a candidate, the rest of the people would back your opinion. Would you back her candidacy?" He challenged. I looked at the destroyed buildings thinking about what to say; he noticed my hesitation, "If your immediate answer isn't yes, then your dangerous. She doesn't need you as a rallying cry anymore Lily. The propos can be done without you. There's only one thing you could do now to add more fire to this rebellion."

I nodded, I knew what he was going to say, "I could die."

"And that's not going to happen under my watch. Lily, I guarantee you that," he put his hand on my shoulder, "I'm plannin' for you to have a long life."

"Why?" I asked him, "You don't owe me anything."

"You earned it."

~

Peeta was asleep, laying in what I know is an uncomfortable position. I sat a foot away -awake- watching him. I was thinking about the first time we slept near each other, it was our first games and he was sick. His arm was wrapped securely around me and yet there I was- debating if I was going to risk killing him to go home. But right away I told myself no  I wouldn't do that to him. I cared too much about him to even think about it further. 

"We've been here before, you know." Peeta's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, I hadn't even noticed he opened his eyes. 

"Huh? What do you mean?" I stuttered.

"That look you have on your face. I remember that look. You were thinking about killing me." He sat up from his sleeping position. 

"I never wanted to kill you; ever." I told him sternly but softly, I didn't want anyone else to wake up, "And that's not what I was thinking about."

"I remember seeing that look, it was our first Games." he recalled.

"In the Games you started off with the Careers looking for me." I reminded him, "And I still tried to keep you alive even after you were hurt and they were after you too. We were allies...and sometimes we were more."

He nodded, my eyes looked at the blonde in his hair, it looked good, I always loved his hair. "Friend. Lover. Victor." He listed, then he paused, "Fiance. Father to your unborn child," he looked at me and my breath hitched, a tear welling in my eye, "Enemy. Target. Mutt," He sounded different, I couldn't identify it as hurt or angry, "And now ally? Yeah, I'll add that to the list of words I use to try to figure you out." he raised his voice.

A tear went down my face, "Peeta..." I started but I saw Finnick sit up groggily looking at us.

Peeta looked at him then down to the floor, "Sorry.." he apologized quietly for waking him. "I just can't tell what's real and what's made up anymore."

"Then ask." Finnick told him. We both looked to him, "It's what Annie does," he shrugged.

"Ask who?"

I looked at him sadly, "Me." I whispered.

"Us. We're your unit now." Jackson answered louder. I looked around, a lot more people were awake then I had originally thought. 

I looked back to him, "I want to help you remember who you once were." I told him, I was within reaching distance that I could've put my hand on his leg but I decided against it for my safety, I didn't want contact to set him off. 

He paused and looked at me. "Your favorite color is blue," I looked at him a bit shocked, "Is that real?" 

A small smile crept onto my lips and I nodded. "Yes. And I never told you why. Yours is orange." I told him, "You told me you loved the sunset and that's why it's your favorite. Blue is my favorite because it's your eye color." I confessed.

Peeta didn't change his facial expression, he looked at the ground by my feet, "Thank you."

I thought about what else I could say, "You're a painter. And an amazing baker.." he looked up and met my eyes, "You don't like sleeping with the windows closed, it makes you feel trapped. You don't like sugar in your tea. You double-knot your shoelaces. You bake me cookies with a brownie center..." I gulped and could feel more tears building. I stopped and addressed Jackson, "I can't." I got up and sped away from him, unaware he was watching me walk away from him. I sat next to Katniss and Gale, in a position so I couldn't see Peeta. 

Katniss looked at me, "Guess we're not going anywhere anymore." She turned around and saw him looking in our direction sadly. 

I cleaned my face, "We can't go anywhere without the Holo." I told them determined to continue with the plan.