Ever Since I Had You (Zarry)

Mind Of Mine

September 2018

Zayn's POV

"Can your heart be mine in search
'Cause I have no time to help you find
All the words
Melodies and memories
Stories that sound absurd
I will tell no lies"

            I let out a sigh for the nth time in the day, scrolling down my phone I read all those nasty baseless news being spread by brainless people. I mean like how on earth do they even know something like that... Camille Rowe! What the Fuck! I swear a year back nobody would've anyway probably recognized her.

            And now all of a sudden people say that THEY broke up. For God's sake, THEY never confirmed it in the first place ever, LIKE EVER! What's the point in making a Shit without the actual thing. I know I am not making sense but that's how it is- None of it really does. I am sure of the fact that a contract just came to an end. How could it be so precisely a year?

"As long as you look me in the eyes
I'll go wherever you are
I'll follow behind (oh oh oh)"

            But the person in concern is none other than the teenage-heartthrob HARRY STYLES himself! ( I bet his looks are just enough to turn a straight man gay, LOL). What was I even thinking again? That's the second thing I can't control- my thoughts, the first being my emotions. Stupid me thinking of all the wrong things at the wrong time even after all these years.

    Y'know, I'm happy. Really happy. I'm dating one of the world's most desired supermodels- Gigi Hadid. I've made my money. The people around me ARE happy. That's what I wanted, right?

"Heard about all the things you done
And all the walls you've been in
Heard about all the love you lost
It was over before it began
Heard about all the miles you've gone
Just to start again
Heard about all the things you've been through
It sounds like you need a friend, a friend"

             Well well, that came out more like a question. Even if this Camille girl was just a contracted girlfriend, why on earth was Styles looking so extremely happy with her: going on these late-night dates and appearing in public and all. that is something which I'll probably never find out. I'm so fed up of this shit already.  Not like I'm jealous or anything but it certainly bothers me. 

              And for Heaven's sake, he knows this too. Those countless nights we spent together in each others' arms, all those kisses, secret messages, small touches, some unspoken words and all those I Love You's. After all these years it still bothers me. My friends have been telling me that he's not much better either, but from the looks of it, he is in the peak of his youth enjoying his life. 

"Please don't wait
I'm not coming home tonight
I wanna love you but I can't (oh oh oh)"

          And my Hazza. Yes, no matter how much I try to deny this shit nor whatever might've happened, I'd still care for him no matter what. I'd still run to him every time he'd call, not like he ever does but can't the man dream. 

             Every time you look into those green eyes all you want to do is protect the innocence from the world and keep him safely wrapped inside your arms. He cares for people he's never seen before and would be ready to give his life for the ones who he cares for. That's how much he can love. I am but a helpless admirer. 

"Please don't wait
I'm not coming home tonight
I wanna love you but I can't (oh oh oh)"

The cheeky smile with his dimples out there, with his mop of brown hair. What's not to love! After all these years he still is the one I think about. Loving him and not having him here with me is frustrating enough and there's only so much a man can take! 

On this thought, I sigh again and get back to see the feed or might I add the bullshit the media provides.

           After moments of looking at the screen, I decided to sit back for a while. Convincing myself every step, only so much. Only so much of news is enough for today.

"As long as you look me in the eyes
I'll go wherever you are
I'll follow behind (oh oh oh)"

           Harry is bi? Harry is gay? Harry doesn't confirm? Harry doesn't want to label himself? Harry's Medicine is the LGBT anthem? Harry and Camille over? Kendall on Harry's last concert? Harry's songs were about someone? Who is Harry's someone? Harry still made a band? Harry named them C.H.A.S.M.? Mitch Rowland is Harry's favourite guitarist? Harry said, "everybody is a little gay"?  Gay vodka? Harry? Harry? Harry? Har... 

  What the actual fuck! I dozed off again! Shit! This brain knows nothing except that name! Fuck my life.! Saying this I leaned onto my hands rubbing my face with the balls of my palm! I really gotta clear my brain! I took out a cigarette to smoke and walked towards the balcony. All this gets to me real bad. 

"Heard about all the things you done
And all the walls you've been in
Heard about all the love you lost
It was over before it began
Heard about all the miles you've gone
Just to start again
Heard about all the things you've been through
It sounds like you need a friend, a friend"

                  After months of denial, I finally listened to his album. Since then, keeping my thoughts straight or breathing without thinking of Harry is almost impossible. All I can imagine is Harry singing them for me after all these years of separation. Every time I think of this, I question myself over and over again if I'm really overthinking that much or is it consoling to quench my ego after all those songs I wrote for him. It seems pretty obvious to me. 

"I never doubted myself
But I doubted you
I'm tired of looking by myself
And not with you
(Oh oh oh)"

             Can't he just seem to get the hint already! I ran my hands through my hair over again. That's all I do these days it seems: Sigh, run my fingers through my hair, smoke, scroll through the superbly stupid feeds and of course think of Harry! What have I turned into! And all I do is blame him for this. I wouldn't be this bad if only I didn't listen to his album, I wouldn't have listened to it if I didn't meet him again and I wouldn't have met him again if he didn't call me that night!

"Heard about all the things you done
And all the walls you've been in
Heard about all the love you lost
It was over before it began (oh oh oh)
Heard about all the miles you've gone
Just to start again
Heard about all the things you've been through
And it sounds like you need a friend, a friend"

(A/N: This chapter is edited. The content and style of the story are the same just the song has been later incorporated. To all those who are reading it now, hope you're enjoying it.

Vote and comment if you like it and it was worth your time.

Have a good day
With regards)