Little Pink Boy | Kellic

{The Calm Before The Storm}

-Kellins Pov-

It's 3am and I'm sad.
I'm a mess, and I'm missing Vic...more so than usual, and of course this lead to more self-destruction, it always does. I'm no longer clean, and I'm a little more fucked...

I was gonna go to Jacks party...but I saw Vic clamber into his car, and I decided just to stay here and drink by myself instead. Maybe get a little high, hadn't thought about it at that time really really. But I don't feel like staying sober. So, clearly...I didn't.

My mental health has took a sharp, shArp turn, It's currently going down hill at a rapid pace, and I can't catch back up. My mind is unwinding.

Carol has been gone for a while, I think she went on a business trip thing last week...I'm honestly not too sure. But what I do know: she left alcohol in the fridge, and it won't be there to see her return. Woops.

"Oi," Oli asks intrigued as to why I walking around at 3am slightly off my face, "whatcha up too?" He interrogates, I shrug in my slightly out of it state, continuing my journey pretty much tumbling down the steps.

"I'm okay!" I called as I regained my balance, this is some strong shit, I inhale another filling my moth with smoke before exhaling it once again.

"Gimme some" he demands, I nod handing it him as I open the fridge grabbing the bottle of jim beam from the back.

Yeee.

"This is the good shit" he mumbles out, the smoke slowly escaping his lips as he spoke, I nodded agreeing with him.

We both sneak back up the stairs and sit on my bedroom floor, the sadness that once hung around had vanished. It was nice spending a bit of time with Oli...sometime's he's a dick, but recently he's been rather tolerable. He hasn't been too bad, but I think it's because I know about him and Josh. Sooo, Eh.

"You and Vic then, huh?" He questions, his voice relaxed as he spread out across my floor in star fish position. I shake my head to his question feeling the gloomy atmosphere return "didn't yo-", I simply hum sadly. "Oh, same...", him and Josh split up?

"Did he fuck you over too?", he simply nods handing me back our shrinking spliff, I don't want it to ever die...because I know I won't be able to roll up another afterwards. How sad.

"Fuck boys" I declared, "They suck!" I exclaimed getting a cheer from the british boy, how he still has that accent I will never know, sure it's slowly fading...but like: how?

I let out a loud scream as my phone began to viabrate violently against to wood on my desk, it sounded like a drill, I almost cried. I glance up and find it to be Richie, so I simply ignored him. I'm not even sorry. He upset me earlier...I don't want to think about Viccy moving on, it fucks me up...Why is he even still up?

As I hear a car pull up I instantly get up to check it, yah know, to make sure it isn't Carol, she'd murder me...I'm not prepared for that. But what I saw fucked me up. It was Vic...and Danielle. They seemed to come back earlier than the guys, and uh...they were sucking eachothers faces off, something I never wanted to see. 

"You all good?"

"Yep" I lied slipping back onto the floor with him, the bottle pressed to my lips with one goal in mind: to forget.

And so I did, I barely remember last night, I awoke passed out on my floor, Oli not too far away in the same state I was. I held my hand against my head letting out a grunt as I picked myself up off of the floor. Never again. I must of been really fucked last night.

Then I felt it...the effects of smoking and drinking, a foul taste in my mouth as the need to throw up increased. I bolted for the toilet where I hurled up yesterdays events. I really don't feel too good. My head was pounding and all I wanted to do was curl up with Vic, but I couldn't. My mouth felt dry and irritated the more I threw up, it felt like I was emptying my entire stomach, the pain slowly increasing. I hung my head over the bowl and just sobbed, and threw up until there was nothing left, and by now Oli had joined me, patting my back as I threw up.

"You made a deal, now you have to stick to it" he told me as he rubbed my back, "You traded a whole day for a couple hours of happiness" he shrugged.

"Mmm, worth it" I croak dryly, he chuckles.

"Totally" he agrees helping me off of the floor. I'm a state. "Lets get you cleaned up" he smiles leading me to my room, "I'll bring you water, just lay down". Don't have to tell me twice.

I snuggled under my soft covers pulling them over my head blocking any light from entering, and from the time it took Oli to bring me pain killers and water I'd called Vic...I know, look at my ass crawling back again. Nothing new. Who would of fucking guessed? But by the time he showed up I'd already fallen to sleep, my head throbbing.

I don't all want to die.

I just want comfort...heh.

"What even happened yesterday?" I heard hushed voices talking, "he never gets like that...he knows better than to mix his drugs and alcohol", wow he seems really disappointed in me...isn't everyone though?

"Shut the fuck up" I groan loudly, snuggling up to the body next to me.

"You okay princess?" He asks softly, his voice just filled with concern, it was so obvious, it's like he doesn't even try anymore. Like he wants me to know I'm a shitty human.

"Does he look okay?" The other panics, and it certainly isn't Oli...where is Oli? I groan pulling myself up into a somewhat of a seated position...I mean, I'm half against the wall, but I'm still up.

"I'm fine" I told Richie, what is he even doing here? Vic pulls me down into his arms stroking my exposed wrist softly, his finger tracing out my little reminders. I just left him to it. He seemed happy...even if I wasn't, he's happy, and that's all that matters. I lean into him and just left him pet me for a little while.

"Is there anything I can do Kells?" Richie asks, "because...If you want me to go" he shrugs, I just simply nodded.

"I-I'll see you Monday" I shrugged, that is if I make it...

He uttered a small goodbye before shutting the door behind him, the room seemed to just fall silent afterwards. Only the sound of our breathing to be heard...and, well, Olis music too I guess.

He takes a deep breath before speaking up, "You worry me, you know?" He whispers sadly, his fingers running softly through my hair.

"I worry myself as well, don't worry" I admit blankly, I don't want to get worse...but I am, and not much can change that. Maybe I'm not ready for this world.

"I...I don't want to lose you either..." he sighs leaning his head back before resting it on top of my own, his hand entwined with mine.

I'm so confused...One moment he's over me and the next it's like I don't exist. I'm struggling to believe that he wants me in his life, he seems so much happier without me. Maybe it's best if I go?

"Stop..." Vic demands snapping me out of my mind, "Stop thinking" he tells me, his hand gripping tighter to my own. "I care so much about you, I mean everything I fucking say" he pauses, "almost everything"...

How can I even trust him? I just can't. I need to make up my mind...is this really what I want? If I'm okay then I end up back in the ward...and if I don't: I don't get another shot...

"Seriously...Stop" he forcefully turns me so I'm facing him, his arms wrapped around me, his eyes holding mine, "Look, you'll be okay, I...I made a mistake, I fucking miss you so badly kitten". Tears began to start falling as he spoke, his words mean a lot...but do they mean everything? "Look at me" he whispers guiding my chin upwards, "I'm sorry" he tells me once again.

....And then he pushed his lips against mine. I panicked and kissed back, but I felt empty...I'm not happy. I never will be. I kissed him back desperately, wanting him to stay, to make me whole again, but all good things come to an end, and so did this. His phone began to ring in his pocket...it was his mum, and he had to go home.

All good things come to an end...

Woops, I hope you've enjoyed this book. Prolly gonna be another chapter up tomorrow. I'll try. ~R ♡