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The feeling of escape these little tablets, injections give me is amazing. It helps me to run away from everything that I have already gotten through. But that is temporary. After the euphorical feeling fades away I feel like shit, like a can people keep kicking in the street. And physical pain helps to deal with my emotions. I have never thought my life will change so drastically after letting one... One person into my life. I don't know if it's me or him to blame... From being just sixteen and have no one by my side to help to cope with this pain. The only person I let so close to me keeps hurting me but my heart can't let go of him. Is this even worth to suffer? I want to run away. Away from this pain, these emotions, people, life and scream all of that away or just die. I feel like I'm going crazy. All my demons, all my mistakes making me cold and not care. Like I'm just shutting my humanity. And I needed him, just him. To hold me in his arms, kiss my hair and say 'Everything is going to be okay. I'm here and I'll never leave you.' . But no... No, this didn't happen. He just forced me to do the thing I wasn't even capable that moment. He didn't care. And I ask myself 'Why me?'
I'm always so alone, even when surrounded by people that I know. I'm always so astounded by my ability to ruin everything. Losing friends and starting fires. Everyone thinks I'm a liar. I always stay at home 'cause I'm not good in public. I sit on my phone, I'm always disappointed. I watch them live their lives, I wish that I were happy as they are. There's no time machine to erase all of my mistakes. Who am I supposed to be after everything. Should I just hold on into hope like an idiot and think that in time my life, me will change?
When I can't deal with my emotions, my mental pain, I just... I just slit my wrists, arms, legs... Watch my bloody fists, questioning why I exist because I feel worthless. Who would want a girl that is so damaged? Probably the same insane person like me. I hate myself. I hate myself for doing all the things I did and I'm still doing. The 'tough girl's' image doesn't help anymore. How should I fight?
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My Medication // N.H. ✔️
FanfictionI let his darkness in my life, letting that darkness take over my life too by falling in love with each other, ruining everything and making me into a monster I never saw becoming. ATTENTION! STORY CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE, SELF-HARM, DRU...
