A Kestrel for a Star (Star Trek fanfiction)

chapter 18

"And look right," Bones instructed from somewhere behind the bright light he was shining in Kez's eye. She'd only just woken up but so far Bones couldn't diagnose her with anything serious. He'd at least expected a small concussion. He flicked off the light and stood back watching as she blinked rapidly, "You're going to be fine." He sighed dramatically as if the news was a bad thing.

Kez rubbed at the bandage around her wrist and looked around the medical bay mournfully. There was no cause to be happy. It was dismal – horrible in fact. She longed to port somewhere else just because of the crying, vacant faces that surrounded her. Bones had filled her in on what had happened, but she didn't want to hear the whole story. The idea that a ship of Romulans had imploded and destroyed a planet made her sick to the core and all she could think of was Spock.

Spock and her failure.

She couldn't sit down watching the other medical staff humming and buzzing around her so she slid off her station bed and began tidying up equipment and helped Bones tend the less wounded Vulcans. She actively avoided the gaze of Spock's father – unable to bare the overwhelming sinking feeling that occurred every time she did.

While holding a gauze on a minor shoulder wound as Bones strapped it down, Kez was momentarily distracted by a small commotion towards the entrance of the med bay.

Bones looked her way, "I think he wants you."

Kez stood up and turned, walking towards the door, motioning for Kirk to follow her instead of stirring up more trouble.

"You okay?" He asked finally when they were stood alone in the bright corridor. He looked fragile almost. Kez couldn't quite understand the emotions playing across his watery blue eyes which made her uneasy.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said after a while, slumping up against the wall and sliding down so that she was sat on the floor, tipping her head back against the cool metal. She closed her eyes, listening as Kirk did the same. Then they sat there listening quietly to the sound of feet rushing round the med bay and the clatter of equipment. Every so often a voice could be heard but it was never loud enough for Kez to register what was being said.

She sighed, "How's Spock doing?"

Kirk rolled his head to look at her and pursed his lips, "I don't know. I never know what's going through his head. Can he even feel devastation? Because I'd take a guess at him being devastated."

His words sounded harsh but Kez knew he didn't mean them to be. She fully expected that no one would know completely how Spock felt and how he'd react to the events that were unfolding.

"What are we going to do?" She breathed, looking up at the ceiling, blinking back a tear.

"About Spock? What can we do?" Kirk replied, sounding as absent as Kez.

"No, about all this?" She cried, sitting forward and gesturing to the ship, "The Vulcans and Nero and the Romulan ship and Spock and Pike! What the hell are we going to do about Pike?" She dragged herself to her feet not quite knowing what she was doing.

Kirk followed, "Where are you going?"

"To the bridge." She said sharply, "The Acting Captain might have a plan."

"Who, Spock?" Kirk snorted, "Is he really in a position to be making decisions?"

"He's Captain."

"Yeah but his planet has been destroyed." Kirk jogged to keep up with Kez's long strides before cutting in front of her and stopping her progress.

"Kez?" He grabbed her shoulders and levelled his face with hers, "Would you just stop for a moment?"

Kez shook her head, feeling woozy and tried to shake him off so she could access the elevator.

When he didn't move she sighed and gritted her teeth, "What is it, Jim?"

He obviously had something on his mind and Kez could see that he was holding it back but eventually he gave up and removed his hands from her shoulders and stepped out of her way, "Nothing."

She glared at him but continued into the elevator, Kirk shuffling after her.

Kez found Uhura looking sullen and staring at the controls in front of her as if they no longer made sense.

When she saw Kez though, her heart skipped a beat and she flung herself at her friend forgetting to 'act admirably' for a second and just glad that Kez was okay.

"You scared me! What the heck were you thinking? You ported halfway across space!" She pulled back and scolded, checking Kez for any major injuries. Maybe she had a concussion . . .

"I'm okay, I think." Kez smiled cockily and swatted her friends hands away. Uhura had a lot she wanted to tell Kez but realised this wasn't the time or the place and the moment passed when she noticed Kez suddenly stood rigid.

Uhura followed her gaze to where Spock now stood having just entered the bridge.

He met her horrified gaze before correcting his posture, "Lieutenant Stibbons, can I have a word please?"

Kez could only nod as Spock turned on his heels betraying no emotion as she followed him.

Finally he stopped in a corridor and let a woman in uniform pass before he confronted Kez.

"I'm so sorry Spock." She said, telling herself to keep it together but a stray tear rolled down her cheek which she wiped away bitterly, "Really, I – I just . . . I thought . . . I," She bit down on her lip and squeezed her eyes shut, turning her face away from her oldest friend and trying to compose herself through the burning teardrops.

Spock just stood perfectly still, his face set and his eyes calm. That annoyed Kez.

Suddenly she was angry at him; angry that she cared more than him then angry at herself that she believed that he didn't care. She was confused, high on emotion and pain and fury.

"I hate this!" She finally screamed at the ceiling, like a volcano erupting in order to release tension and bottled up feelings.

"I hate this." She sighed quietly to herself before throwing her arms around Spock and clinging to him tightly.

Surprisingly he hugged her back.

They stayed like that for a while; Spock relieved that his friend was okay and appreciative of the act of bravery she had committed; Kez happy that no words had to be said to explain what they both felt. She was relieved.

Finally he pulled away though, "Everyone needs to continue preforming admirably. I told these words to Lieutenant Uhura in response to a question about what I needed."

Kez nodded and rubbed her eyes with the backs of her hand as he drifted past her and back into the lift.