Only You ✔️

22- Distance

Nova

Ever since that night in the cabin, things were different between Spencer and I. There was this distance between us. I hated it.

He was always out more, working, or hanging out with his 'friends'. I thought I had done something wrong.

How can we be fine one day and then the next he so far apart.

Three weeks had passed since the cabin. Three weeks since Spencer and I had spent any time together. Three weeks since he was home before ten.

Three weeks since I had begun to doubt our relationship.

I didn't want to doubt it. I didn't want to believe that Spencer would hurt me like all of the people before. I didn't want to believe that he would just give up like that. After everything he told me.

I wanted to believe that we still loved each other.

I was sitting on the couch right now, I had already put Hallie to bed and it was late at night. I was waiting for Spencer to come home. He wasn't answering my calls or texts and I was worried about him.

I continuously glanced at the clock on the wall, each minute that passed and Spencer wasn't home, had my insides twisted. The tv had become white noise. I didn't want to go to bed until I knew he was safe, here with me.

11:27

11:45

12:08

Just as I was about to give up and head to bed the front door creaked open. Spencer stumbled in and slowly shut the door behind him.

He removed his jacket, tie, and shoes before unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt. He runs his fingers through his hair and then he spots me.

A weak smile breaks across his face as he comes and sits next to me.

As soon as he sat down I could smell the whiskey radiating off of him.

He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side, as he lays his head back on the couch and closes his eyes.

"What are you still doing up babe?" He asks with a sexy sleepy voice.

Concentrate Nova.

"I was waiting for you. I got worried, you weren't answering my calls or texts. I thought something bad had happened."

His head tilts up and his eyes open as he looks in my direction.

"I'm fine, I didn't answer you because my phone died"

I slowly nod my head as I absentmindedly pick at my fingernail polish.

He tilts my head so I can look at him.

"Nova what's wrong?"

Every word he spoke, I got a whiff of the whiskey in his system. I thought he had stopped drinking.

"You've been drinking?"

He drops his hands from me and leans his elbows on his knees.

"Works been very stressful, I've been working hard to get everything ready for the firm opening next week, and moms case has been tearing a hole through me. I just had a few glasses tonight."

I sit up straight and rub his back.

"Spence, if you're stressed maybe you should take a break. You don't need to be over working yourself."

"You wouldn't understand Nova"

I wouldn't understand? I've been working my ass off to provide for Hallie for five years? And I wouldn't understand.

"Try me" I whisper.

His blue eyes find mine and the vulnerability is overwhelming.

He takes a deep breath before he speaks.

"Do you know what it's like to want something so much, and you've worked so hard for it, but you're afraid it's not going to be good enough?"

Was he talking about the firm?

"It's so hard because I want to do one thing, but I'm afraid Novs. I'm afraid of the reaction, I'm afraid of what people will say."

"My heart is telling me to do one thing and my head is telling me to do another. And it's tearing me apart"

I adjust myself closer, placing my chin on his shoulder.

I didn't know what he was talking about, but it was scaring me.

"Spence" I whisper

He mumbles.

"I'll be there for you, always. No matter what. I just need you to open up, tell me what's wrong. Let me in."

He lets out a shaky breath before standing up. He runs his fingers through his hair as he looks at the floor. 

I stand up and grab his hand, interlocking our fingers.

"Lets go to bed, okay? Lets go lay down and relax"

He nods his head and we head up to bed.

Once we reach the bedroom her doesn't even change into his pjs before he pulls me into the bed. He lays on his side and pulls me closer to him, so our faces were inches apart.

He places a lingering kiss on my forehead, before wrapping his arm around my waist.

I couldn't see his face in the darkness, but I knew he was tense from the way his arm muscles were tight. His body was hard and all his muscles were tight. I wanted him to relax and go back to the laidback Spencer I had grown used to.

Shortly after he kissed my forehead I heard light snoring coming from him.

"I love you" I whisper to him before dozing off to sleep.

I know that the whole situation with his parents was stressing him out. And I wanted to be there for him, but I can't if he pushes me away. I want him to open up to me. I want him to tell me what's bothering him. I want the details, not just the summery.

I wanted to take his burden as my own. I didn't want him to carry it all on is shoulders. He didn't deserve it.

If we were going to make this work, he needed to share the burden, share the grief, share the weight. I wanted to take it on with him. I wanted to fight with him.

I wanted what we had to be forever. I wanted forever with him. I didn't care what that entitled. I just wanted him.

And I hoped to god he just wanted me too.