Nirrin (Forestfolk, Book 3)

Chapter 1b

We followed the well-worn trail through the forest, passing various tented workstations wedged between tree trunks. Weaver, tanner, wood-carver, I wondered if any of them felt restless with their lot in life.

When we reached Sember's cabin, where she still lived with her parents, we found Jastin on the roof, fistfuls of thatching in hand. If it were me, I would have moved out long ago (and shacked up with Jastin). But maybe that was just me. Sember moved through life at a slower pace. She claimed it was a careful pace, but my whole life felt stagnant. If I had somewhere to go, you bet your last quail egg I would.

"Roof not repaired yet?" There was a teasing lilt in Sember's voice that I rarely heard.

Jastin saw us and smiled, his blue eyes drinking in Sember as if they'd been parted for days. "Finished your morning run already?"

"It was cut a little short, due to a certain tornado boy straying near the lake."

I planted my hands on my hips. "Hey, I haven't given up my tornado title. I earned that when I was little."

"Maybe you're slowing down in your old age." Sember nudged me with her elbow.

I chuckled, trying not to show how much that bothered me. When Bren called me a tornado all those years ago, I was proud, because that meant I was noticed. I was someone. Even if I was someone who always got into trouble. But now, it seemed I didn't even have that anymore. As an adult with adult responsibilities, I felt like I was disappearing.

Jastin scrambled down from the roof, his lean muscles rippling on his shirtless back. Sember was so lucky to find a guy who never needed to sweat. He never smelled, unlike most of the other men in Foresthome.

He went straight to Sember and kissed her, his arms circling her waist, while her hands slid up his bare chest. An envious sigh escaped me as I watched, and I made myself turn away. I'd had a few trysts with boys in the past, but nothing ever lasted. None of it ever felt real, and none of them ever wanted to stick around.

Not even Goben.

"Hey, Sember, when is your brother coming back, anyway?" I asked when it became apparent they weren't going to stop anytime soon. "Isn't it getting colder up north?"

She pulled away from Jastin, slightly out of breath. She should thank me for reminding her to breathe. "Um, I'm not sure. Usually mid-autumn. They don't like leaving any earlier because Vina likes to make sure her village has plenty of herbal remedies for winter."

The mention of Goben's girlfriend dampened my mood even further. Goben and I had grown up together, and he'd never shown any interest in me, or any other girl. I always thought I had a chance. That maybe I'd grow into a beautiful woman, and he'd want me then. That if I just hung around him enough, talked to him enough, he'd finally fall in love with me.

But no. The moment he went with Sember to the northern village of Odavik, he found himself an Iceling girlfriend. It just wasn't fair.

"Oh, okay." I scrambled for something else to say to hide my discomfort. "I think it's great he gets to leave and come back all the time. It's funny, don't you think? Siena and Remi leave and come back all the time, and sometimes you guys do too. The only one who doesn't is me."

"You can go anywhere you want," Sember replied.

"By myself?"

"Would you..." She cast a quick glance at Jastin. "Would you like to come with us sometime?"

I wrinkled my nose. "In the middle of winter? No, thank you." Plus, being offered pity trips was not one of my life goals.

Sember's parents emerged from the cabin, expectant looks on their faces. "Oh, hello, Nirrin," her mother said, almost managing to hide the disappointment in her voice. "We heard talking and thought Siena might be coming around."

"No, it's just me." I longed for the day someone lit up when they saw me, instead of hoping for someone else. "Sorry."

"Don't be silly. It's always nice to see a beautiful girl at our doorstep, isn't it, dear?" She turned to her husband for confirmation.

He nodded. "Absolutely." His arm squeezed his wife's shoulders.

I wondered how my life might have been different if I'd grown up with perfect parents like these. Would I feel more wanted? More important? Not so restless?

Tight bands constricted around my chest, making it difficult to breathe. "I'd better go check on Bren, to make sure the kids haven't buried her under a pile of rocks or something."

"What about your snow cone?" Sember peered at me like she knew what was going through my mind, and I began retreating. It would kill me if she ever found out how much I coveted what she had. I couldn't bear my best friend pitying me.

"Another time!" I tossed over my shoulder as I jogged away.

I slowed to a walk as soon as I reached the wooded path, and leaned against a tree. What was it Siena always told Sember when her emotions went spiraling? Deep breaths.

I inhaled and stared up at the leaves above me. One fell, and I watched it flutter down, down, down. Powerless to change its own path. It settled on the ground, where it was meant to fall, and there it stayed. Unmoving.

Doesn't feel good when you feel stuck in place. Maybe a vote will help dislodge that feeling.