Nirrin (Forestfolk, Book 3)

Chapter 30a

I never wanted to leave the cocoon of Fen's tent, or his embrace. But as soon as I heard Niralessa's voice barking orders, I knew it couldn't last.

I tried to discern from her tone whether she was in a favorable or unfavorable mood. Would she grant Tessia her wish and let the girl choose her fate? I desperately wanted the answer to be yes, but her "we'll see" answer last night just wasn't promising enough. It's what people say when they want to shut someone up.

"Fen," I mumbled against his chest. "What happens to us if Tessia has to stay here?"

He pulled away far enough to look at me. "Wouldn't you stay with me? Isn't that what you said yesterday?"

The hurt sound in his voice squeezed at my heart. "I miss Foresthome."

"You won't even stay for me?" His eyes pleaded with me.

I closed my eyes, unable to bear it. Could I be happy here? Without all my friends? Seeing Sember and Remi had reminded me of what I'd be leaving behind. I mean, they came all the way over here looking for me, because they cared that much.

Then again, Fen was willing to leave his entire family for me. To follow me into a swamp if he had to. If I was truly his, then I had to be willing to do the same. I opened my eyes to tell him so.

"Fen, of course I—"

I felt his arms loosen around me, pulling away farther. "I get it. If you don't feel like you belong here, then maybe you don't really belong with me, right?"

"What? No! I mean, yes! I do belong with you!"

His eyes were shuttered as he pushed himself to his feet. "It's okay. You have your home and I have mine. We'll be okay. Everything's fine."

But everything was not fine. He was already headed for the tent entrance.

"Where are you going? Fen, I'll stay with you."

He turned to glare at me. "For how long? You paused an awfully long time debating your answer. I'd rather cut this off now, before we cause any damage. Before you change your mind again." He pushed open the tent flap, then paused. "You know, I'm glad this happened now. It reminds me of the people in my life who would never even consider abandoning me."

And then he was gone.

What just happened? I had paused—just for a moment—to consider my entire life, and he charged out like I'd just insulted him. How was that fair?

I wasn't going to let him get away with that. I stormed out of the tent, determined to give him a piece of my mind. I spotted Sember coming my way, catching her breath.

"Where'd he go?" I demanded.

"Who, your burly boyfriend?" She glanced over her shoulder. "I nearly ran into him on my way back here. He looked mad enough to tear my arms off, so I didn't ask him anything. What did you do?"

My nostrils flared. "Why is it when someone gets mad, it's always my fault?"

I could see Sember's mind backpedaling. "Uh, okay. What did he do?"

"Ugh!" I threw my hands in the air. "The second he has doubts about me, he runs away with his tail between his legs."

Sember's eyes widened. "He has a tail?"

"That's beside the point! And no. No one here has a tail. That I know of." I began trampling the pine-needled ground back and forth. "I never pegged him as a coward, you know? I mean, he goes off on missions by himself. He protects children. Children!" My heart melted a tiny bit, but I reminded it to stay firm. That I was the wronged one here. "So he can't be a coward, right? But then, why . . ."

I collapsed to the ground and threw my head into my hands. "I'm a good person, right?" I mumbled to my lap. "I wasn't wrong. I think?" I leaned forward until my elbows rested on my legs. "Is he the one full of rat piss, or am I?"

I felt Sember hunker down next to me. "Hey." She rubbed my back in comforting circles. "You're a good person."

I looked up at her, wanting to believe it.

"And you're full of rat piss."

A laugh tore out of my throat that almost sounded like a sob. Why was I so close to tears?

Relationships can be so hard. Thank goodness voting is easy. ;)