Less amazing, still Phil

Reality check

Phil sat down on the leather chair and and took 4 deep breaths to try and calm himself down. Dr Coventry had obviously realised this because he sat down and waited for Phil to calm himself down.

"Right Phil, so why did you decide to come today"

tell the truth Phil, tell the truth

"i have been having some... trouble, i have been diagnosed with... with... depression"  Phil spat the word out, he hated that word, it was the word that changed his life, it was the word that all his famiy stuck to him and it was the word he never wanted to admit belonged to him. "i came to therapy as a teenager, but gave up and lately things have been.... hard and i want to try and ... try and.. change"

This sort of thing was obviously common to Dr Coventry because he just nodded his head and wrote a few things down looking as if Phil had already said this 100 times. 

"Right and when you say lately how long do you mean?"  He looked at Phil over his glasses trying to analyse Phils facial expressions 

"um... about 3 months" Phil replied. "You see someone i love recently left me and... and i haven't really gotten over it"

"Do you mean they passed away" Replied the therapist looking slightly confused

"No, well, they moved to Australia and they don't keep contact, they don't want me anymore" Phils voice cracked and he could feel tears coming in to his eyes. He bowed his head in shame and tried to cover up his face

"Okay" The therapist began "Well why don't you tell me a little bit about your relationship with this person" 

Phil thought for a moment. How did he describe his relationship with Dan? It was crazy, confusing, weird and stupid, they were like 4 year olds together. He didn't even know why he loved Dan or how he loved Dan he just knew that he did. Can he say that they made YouTube videos? Can he say that he has thought about Dan in a sexual way? Phil didn't know what to say, this question had baffled him. 

"Well, he was my best friend, i loved him and he made the... the depression sort of go away. I was never as bad or as unhappy when he was around. We had been friends for a long time and lived together for a while as well" Phil had to force himself to stop talking, he knew that if he didn't he would babble for hours on end going in to every tiny detail about his and Dans relationship.

The therapist looked more and more confused with every word Phil said.  Phil regretted ever making this appointment, he can't imagine how pathetic this must sound to Dr Coventry.

"Right and was this person more than a friend at any point?" 

Dan was always more than a friend. But could he tell him that? Could he say how he longed for him and Dan to be in a sexual relationship together? Could he say about the countless nights Phil spent dreaming of ways they could be together? He should, he should tell the truth.

Tell the truth Phil, just tell the truth

Phil took a deep breath before replying

"Yes, well, sort of."

"Sort of?" Dr Coventry wrote something dawn looking slightly more worried now than he had before

"Well, to me he was always more than a friend. But, i never said anything" Phil couldn't believe how honest he was being. It was like once he started talking about it, he couldn't stop. "i wanted more of a... relationship but it was obvious that was never going to happen"

Just as he finished his sentence there was a faint knock at the door, Dr Coventry didn't seem to notice it so Phil said nothing. A few seconds later the door opened and Phil couldn't believe his eyes.

It was Dan. 

What was he doing here? Why was he here? How did he know that Phil was here? Phil was so confused that he just sat there and gawped at the door. After no one said anything Dan came in, leaving the door open and strolled over to Phil, he picked up a pillow and moved it to the far left of the sofa so that he could take a seat next to Phil and took hold of Phils hand. Phil couldn't believe his eyes. Surely this wasn't Dan. As if reading his mind Dan looked at Phil, squeezed his hand and winked.

Dan. Dan was here. Daniel Howell was here. Dan, was a lot more tanned, he  had ditched the nerdy t-shirts for a plain white tee and a leather jacket, replaced the llama hat with aviator sunglasses and cut his hair so that his fringe was in a slight quiff, but it was still Dan. Phil just sat staring at him with his mouth wide open.

Dr Coventry, was scribbling down notes in his book and seemed to be oblivious to everything that had just gone on. Finally he lifted his head from his notebook.

"Phil, are you okay?" he seemed very confused but Phils current position

Phil shook his head

"This is him" he pointed to Dan. "This is the friend i was talking about. He's... He's come back"

Dr Coventry looked at Phil and took a deep breath.

"Phil... There is no one there"

Phil didn't understand.

"He just walked in look he left the door open" Phil exclaimed as he turned and looked at the door, it was completely closed, he looked back at the sofa, the pillow hadn't been moved.

"Phil, have you heard of schizophrenia?"