Less amazing, still Phil

get up

shower

do a video

Phil had been thinking of his routine for the past half an hour. Of course he knew as soon as he woke up what he was going to do, he always did the same, everyday, every week, every month, every year. Nothing changed and nothing will change.

No, Phil could not have change, change is wrong, change is bad, change has a negative effect on everyone. Last time something changed his best friend Dan Howell moved out of their London flat leaving Phil all by himself. Of course Dan still visited from time to time and they were still extremly close but it just wasn't the same. Nothing was the same anymore.

At 7 o'clock Phil accepted the fact that he wasn't going to get anymore sleep so he dragged himself out of bed and jumped in the shower. Phil tried to be in the shower for as long as possible, it was warm, safe and no one would come in, not that anyone came in anyway but still. Like everything though, staying in the shower meant thinking and when Phil started thinking, he often couldn't stop, he would over think the smallest of details and blow it way out of proportion, this happened on a daily basis with phil.

Typical me

he thought as he reluctantly got out of the shower and started to dry himself off. He walked back in to his room and pulled out the first T-Shirt and pair of jeans he could find and hoped they would match.He sat back down on his bed, pulled his Macbook Pro off the floor, on to his knees and started it up.

He stared at his Mac with slight admiration, it was his prised possesion. No one went on his Mac. Phil didn't have anything to hide but it was a genral rule, people would ruin the keyboard with their greasy fingers, people would scratch the screen, people would spill tea over it, people would break it. No, No one went on his Mac. It was obvious why Phil loved his mac so much, it was beautiful, simple and reliable, everything Phil wasn't. Everything Dan was.

He shook his head as if to try and get the thought of Dan out of his mind and went to set up his camera to record his new video. He didn't really know what he was going to talk about, but then again, he never did, he just spoke about one thing and would see what happens from there. He spoke to his camera like he was speaking to a mute person, like he was a friend and people seemed to like it.

Well, some people seemed to like it. Phil was 28 now and had been doing YouTube videos for god knows how long but people seemed to think that he should have moved on by now. All his friends used to make YouTube videos a few years ago. Dan especially, at 25 Dan and Phil were inseparable, they had hundreds of thousands of fans, they were loved and admired, they even had a ship which was adorable but when people turned 23 they started to grow up, find other jobs. YouTube was over for them, just a memory but not for Phil, Phil couldn't quit, because quitting would mean changing and change is bad. 

After about 2 hours the video was recorded and edited and ready to put on to YouTube, he cringed as he typed in username 'AmazingPhil'. That was one thing Phil wished he could change because he hated it so much. Phil wasn't amazing, nothing about Phil was amazing. What is amazing about a lonely, stupid, annoying 25 year old? Nothing. But, never the less he uploaded his video about Pokemon and waited for the like, dislikes, views and comments to roll in. 

Panic Attack. Fuck no. Deep breaths Phil, deep breaths. Go to your happy place c'mon. inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale. close your eyes. c'mon Phil you've been through worse. deep breath in 1..2..3..4 and deep breath out 1...2...3..4. Why do i always get them? urg

 Of course Phil knew why he always got them. You see there is one thing no one knows about Phil, one thing that no one can know about Phil. It just adds to the list of reasons as to why he is such a weird failure and he would be distraught if anyone found out. Especially if Dan found out, if Dan found out he would probably never talk to him again. He would just be alone in his flat, waiting to die.