Thomas Sanders Sides OneShots 4

My guilt is worse than yours - Logan x Virgil

"Please, can-can we watch something" Logan begged breathlessly, sobs coming to a cease after a few hours. Virgil agreed and flicked on Netflix, finding a documentary for Logan to indulge himself in. He always preferred to distract himself over this time of year, it helps, in a way, because he isn't stuck, swarmed with memories and deep guilt.

And even if the two boys had to attend school the next day, he and Logan's friends were with him throughout, taking him to the bathroom frequently so he could cry, stopping anyone else from entering so he could have some peace. Afterwards, they would help him clean up and take him back to class, glaring darkly at anyone who stared for too long. They were all very protective of Logan during these few days, it was his lowest point, every year, and they couldn't bare to see him in such pain.

On the day of the anniversary, Logan's parents were out - it had become tradition they and the rest of the family go to Logan's sisters favourite restaurant. Logan was never brought along. His tradition was to hold Virgil's hand tight and never let go, sitting in her room that hadn't changed since six years ago today. It was frequently cleaned by his mother - she was the only one allowed into the room, but when she wasn't here, who could stop them?

Logan sat on her bed covered with a quilt decorated with butterflies. The walls were a light shade of pink, everything decorated with stickers of all kinds, a box in the corner filled with the toys she used to play with all the time. The memory made Logan's breathing hitch and his eyes sting. Beside him Virgil sat closer to the bedside table, the bed being pressed into the corner of the room.

They usually stayed here for a few hours, Logan enjoying the memories of him and his sister when they were kids, when she was alive. Virgil would wait with him throughout, arm curled around his waist, his free hand stroking the top of his hand, and he wouldn't leave his side - not for anything. He usually just gazed around the room, sometimes even remembering his own memories he had with Logan's sister, but this year, this year something caught his attention. The baby monitor.

It was on the bedside table, sitting beside the Disney-themed lamp. It was the thing that led to her death. He reached out and grasped it, pulling it close to gaze at it. Logan didn't notice, eyes trained on the desk he used to sit at and help her with her homework.

Virgil knew the story - she died because the monitor wasn't turned on.

As he fumbled with it, he accidentally clicked the 'on' button, tensing when he expected it to make a noise, but when it stayed silent, he cocked his head, clicking the button again and again. "Hey, Lo?" He murmured quietly, snapping him from his thoughts.

"The monitor hasn't been used since that day...has it?"

Logan stared at it in his hand. Then shook his head. "No" he spoke firmly.

"Then why won't it turn on?"

Confused, Logan took it from his grasp and pressed the button - like Virgil, he repeated the action again and again. Even more lost, he turned it over and opened the back, taking out the battery and gazing at it intently. "Is there a chance.." Virgil began, body filling with nerves and slight horror. "Is there a chance your mother forgot to change the batteries...on that day?"

Logan tensed up entirely. At the mere idea his eyes darkened. Standing up, he slotted the battery back inside and marched straight out the room and down the stairs before Virgil could even stand up and chase after him. "Lo, wait-!" He called but the boy was on a mission. Stuffing it into his back pocket, he hoped onto his bike and made a beeline down the street. Virgil huffed and closed the front door, calling Roman - as he could drive - to come pick him up quickly, in case Logan was about to do something stupid.

It took nearly twenty minutes for Logan to arrive at the restaurant. It over looked the ocean his sister used to love to swim in. Throwing his bike to the floor, he gripped the monitor in a deathly tight grip, barging through the doors and passed tables full of chattering civilians. Finding his family wasn't too hard, they were all sitting on the largest table in the corner, a somber atmosphere surrounding them. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he slammed the monitor onto the table, making everyone flinch and stare at him in shock.

His mother, who sat on the end, stared up at her son with wide eyes. "Logan, why are you here-?" His father tried but Logan ignored him completely, opening the monitor up and taking out the batteries. "They are dead" he confirmed, laying them on the table before his mother. Fury was building up in his eyes - flaming his entire body. "You are a liar" Logan spat, hands clenched so tightly his nails dig into his palms.

"You told me it was my fault she died" he stated, teeth gritted. "Because I didn't turn it on. But I did. I know I did. It was you who didn't change the batteries. I told you to change them, but you didn't!" He accused, throwing his arm up in her direction. His loud voice made the whole restaurant silence and turn to see the commotion, "it's your fault she's dead. You killed her"

This made gasps chorus throughout the building.

"And you knew, didn't you?" He muttered, shooting a glare at his dad, both of his parents frozen. "You knew. Yet you still blamed it on me. Why? To help ease the guilt? To help the pain of knowing you were the cause of your daughters death?" He hissed, leaning closer to her face. "I go through that every time I think of her. For six years you made me believe I killed her. But it was you" as soon as he said this, she burst into tears, which made an uproar across the table. All insulting Logan, calling him out, telling him he was a disgrace for doing this to his own mother, until his cousin stood up.

"It's true" she voiced, eyes strong. "We all know it's true" the table silenced. She glanced at her own parents to see them glaring heatedly at her, but she carried on, arms crossed. "We didn't want to believe it was her mother's fault. No-" she backtracked, "it wasn't anyone's fault, it was a mistake, yet we all blamed Logan, because it was the easiest thing to do. Blame the child - it's always the child's fault. But it was you" She turned to Logan's mother who abruptly stopped crying 'real tears'.

"And I'm sorry, Lo" she frowned, "I wish I did something sooner. It was wrong of all of us. You didn't kill your sister, you loved her, protected and cared for her in ways your parents wouldn't. You were the best older brother for her, and if she was still here today, she would look up to you in pride, because I do, and if you have them, your kids will, too" when she finished Logan had tears in his eyes. She pushed away her chair and rushed over to him, pulling him into a tight hug, one he fell into.

"You can stay with me for awhile, okay?" She whispered, he nodded. Turning her head, she glared icily at her family who sat in shunned silence. "You should all feel terrible. An immeasurable amount of guilt for making a kid feel like they were the reason why someone died" pressing a hand to the small of his back, she led Logan out the restaurant and towards her car.

"Hey, Lo!" Logan turned to see Virgil clambering out of Roman's car and hurrying over to him. "Are you okay? What happened in there?"

Logan hugged him tightly.

"My mother lost both of her children"

—

4:40pm