With love - Short Stories (18+)

3. Fear

I looked at my own reflection, very, very uncertain. I had a date that night, the first in a long time. Not that I hadn't been interested; I just didn't have the time. My life had been turned upside down ever since I'd gotten back to college.

Facing a strange man in a strange place, struggling to make small talk, didn't seem like the funnest way to pass the time, but I knew it was just because it had been so long. Still, I was a bundle of nerves just thinking about it, and the fact that none of my clothes looked good on me that evening didn't help. I had tried about a dozen different outfits already, and all of them made me feel like a bloated dead body.

"I just don't know why you put yourself through this, Nina."

I turned to see my roommate, Eliot, leaning against the doorway to my bedroom.

"What?"

"You look great," he said. "Stop torturing yourself like that."

"I look like shit," I corrected, evaluating the millionth outfit. "This is a disaster. My hair looks dull, nothing fits... Get out, I'm gonna try something else."

"No, you're not." He walked up to me and stopped me from grabbing yet another dress.

"You're right. I should just cancel."

"Are you insane?"

We started to argue on the subject, speaking at the same time. He said encouraging things, and I countered. It was always like this with us: he would make compliments; I would deflect them. Eliot was a natural flirt, and I was just too shy to take it seriously.

The truth was that ever since I'd laid eyes on him, I had developed a little crush. He was that type of guy, the one that has women forming a line to go out with him; the type that made you zone out every time he spoke to you, got you wondering what those plump lips would feel like against your skin. But he was out of reach. We lived together, so getting involved with him was a no-no. Besides, a hunk like that would never look at me twice. I was only good to keep him company in slow nights, watch some Netflix and have popcorn.

"I can't go like this, Eliot!"

"You look amazing! Cut that crap off," he said.

"It's not crap!"

"The guy is gonna be here any minute, and, so help me God, you will not keep him waiting forever while you parade every piece of clothes you own."

"You're right..." I took a deep, calming breath. "I'm just... not feeling like myself today."

"When are you ever?"

"Back off, okay? Every woman has their insecurities."

"I don't get it, Nina." He shook his head. "You're gorgeous. How can you not see it?"

"Well, you have to say that because you're my friend."

"No, I'm being honest here." He crossed his arms, flexing them. God, he looked so hot... He was the worst. "You're beautiful."

I snorted in disbelief, turning on my ballet flats to close the doors of the closet. "Yeah, right."

He held my hand and made me look back at him. "I'll show you."

Eliot closed the rest of the distance between us, and before I knew it, our lips were connected. I was surprised, not just by his move, but by my own quick reaction. I kissed him back, amazed at how good he tasted in my mouth. His lips were so, so soft. My skin prickled under the light scratch of his stubble. My hand went up the back of his neck, fingers tangling in his silky hair, while the other grabbed a fistful of his white tee, bringing him even closer.

I felt him smile against my mouth, deepening the kiss. His hand lazily ran down my back and waist. I sighed deeply, catching the scent of his musky cologne. We pulled apart, and I felt dizzy and out of breath. Damn, the guy was like wine.

"Okay... You weren't kidding," I said. "You really mean all that stuff you always say?"

"Every word." He ran a finger across his swollen lip.

I couldn't resist; I had to kiss him again. I bit the fleshy bottom lip, wandering what was going on with me. I was never this forward. Making out with a guy in my room with no preamble, without getting to know each other first. But we did know each other. We were roommates for over a year now, and we used to spend a considerable amount of time together in the house. But that only made everything the more complicated.

My mother used to say: never mix business with pleasure. But come on! The guy was the whole package: smart, handsome, ambitious, fun and sweet.

Without me even noticing, he guided me towards the foot of the bed. A finger brushed my thigh lightly, hesitating at the hem of my dress. I felt something hard against my pelvis. His whole body was suggesting we go all the way. My hands roamed under his clothes, finding the hard abs. I needed to buy time; I wasn't sure. But I also didn't want to send him the wrong message.

Eliot pierced me with his deep brown eyes and pulled his t-shirt up, throwing it to the side. I tried my best to look confident, but there was only so much I could do. I swear I could study anatomy from that hard, sculpted-marble torso. It was intimidating.

His hand shot to mine and placed it against his packs, making me blush instantly.

His laugh sounded deep and throaty. "You're so fucking cute, Nina."

He pulled me back to him and, still kissing me, sat on the bed. I ended up straddling him, grinding my aching core against his growing desire. I felt the heat taking over me. He groaned against my mouth, hands hiking up my dress.

This was getting too intense... too quickly.

"You're so beautiful," he said between kisses.

"I don't believe you."

"Good... because I'll keep proving it to you."

Eliot's lips made a path down my neck, and I leaned back to let him kiss my collarbone. His fingers deftly moved the straps of my dress away so he could go further down. My heart beat a mile a minute, knowing we were closer and closer to crossing a line.

Ding-dong.

We froze, looking at each other.

"My date!" I shrieked, coming back to my senses.

Eliot's eyes were expectant, waiting for my next move. "What are you gonna do?"

"I'm sorry, I... I have to go."

I climbed down from his lap and fixed my clothes. I grabbed my purse and ran to the front door, to get the hell out of there as fast as I could. My chest fell, regret sinking its heavy claws on it. I was a coward, a spineless wimp. I'd let fear take over, and for that, I didn't deserve Eliot.

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AN: Did you ever want something, really wanted anything, but the fear of actually getting it paralyzed you?

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