WoF OC Reviews

Goshawk

     When she turned eight, Goshawk officially became a soldier. She and her brother fought in four major battles before the fifth one took his life. Goshawk watched as he was stabbed through the heart by a SandWing, and her way of coping with the death of her only family was to consistently inject SandWing venom - in small doses - into her blood. Every week she increased the dosage until she rendered her blood fully immune to the SandWing weapon.

Although a teensy bit gruesome, this makes perfect sense. Witnessing a beloved family member die and responding by throwing oneself into a scientific activity/experiment is very realistic, and I applaud you for that.

     Soon enough, her commander sent her off to a base where MudWings and SkyWings both occupied. The leader of the unit there was named Grouse, and he was actually Queen Moorhen's brother. He and Goshawk became good friends in the three years she lived there.

     When the war ended, Goshawk went back to her own kingdom and was welcomed by the new Queen Ruby. She took a SkyWing husband named Robin, and they lived together for one more year before a tragic incident killed him.

     Apparently, Grouse had found out about Goshawk's husband and, jealous that she loved another dragon, he ambushed them when they were alone. He killed Robin in the attack, hoping that Goshawk would forget about him and look toward her old friend. But Goshawk was devastated at the loss of her mate, and revealed that she was with egg. In a rage, Grouse ordered the egg to be smashed as soon as it hatched. And sure enough, fifty MudWings were watching, waiting for the egg.

Fifty? Maybe lower it just a teensy bit. Or by a lot. It probably shouldn't be any more than fifteen, honestly. Not even that, preferably. Like... ten.

When it came, they struck, but Goshawk managed to save herself and the egg by flying over a storm.

She soon, however, found herself being pursued by five other MudWings, and though she tried to outfly them, she was struck on the wing by a fireball and sent tumbling.

     Luckily, Jade Mountain was nearby, and a SandWing student named Ostrich caught her with help from the SeaWing Anemone and the NightWing Fearless. Due to the safe landing, both Goshawk and the egg were alive. The MudWings never saw her land and assumed she was dead - and so was the egg.

     Ostrich took the rogue SkyWing inside and brought her to Clay, who helped her to settle down in a private cave where she could care for her egg. Once it hatched - two months later - a female dragonet was born. Overjoyed, Goshawk named her Araripe.

     Once Araripe was old enough to be left in the cave without Goshawk, she became a teacher - of motherhood and parts if the Great SandWing war. Araripe is currently a year old.

Wonderful backstory! Just lower the number of MudWings at that one point.

Residence: Jade Mountain Academy

Okay.

Family: Hummingbird (small, well-muscled apricot-colored female SkyWing with marigold-colored underscales darkening into a rust at the edges. Green eyes)(Mother)(Deceased) (Name Reasoning: Hummingbirds are small, colorful birds with iridescent feathers)

Ferruginous (large, slim, tiger-orange male SkyWing with dark rust underscales. Brown eyes)(Father)(Deceased) (Name Reasoning: The ferruginous hawk (Latin, royal hawk), is a large bird of prey and belongs to the broad-winged buteo hawks)

Gyrfalcon (large, well-muscled dark rust male SkyWing with faded dull yellow underscales that are flecked with some tiger-orange. Green eyes)(Deceased) (Name Reasoning: Largest of all falcons, and the most northern diurnal raptor, the Gyrfalcon inhabits circumpolar arctic and subarctic regions)

I love how you describe them! And their names! A bit sad that they all died, but it makes sense.

Friends: None, really.

What about Clay or Sunny? Or another teacher at JMA? You should probably add her having some friend. After all, she's surrounded by dragons the whole time she's at JMA. It would be hard to NOT have a friend or two.

Husband: Robin (huge, dark spice-colored male SkyWing - appearing to be almost brown in color - with amber underscales flecked mostly around his throat and stomach. Yellow eyes)(Deceased) (Name Reasoning: American Robins are fairly large songbirds with a large, round body, long legs, and fairly long tail.)

Yep.

Crushes: None

Fair.

Dragonets: Araripe (small tiger-orange female SkyWing Dragonet with dark marigold underscales that darkne to a rust toward the edges. Rust-colored eyes)(Alive) (Name Reasoning: The Araripe manakin is a critically endangered bird from the family of manakins.)

Right.

Enemies: Grouse (small, bulky, hickory-brown male MudWing with tawny underscales that reflect the sunlight. Tortilla-colored eyes)(Alive)(Name Reasoning: A brown or gray-brown, chicken-like bird with slight crest, fan-shaped, black-banded tail, barred flanks, and black "ruffs" on sides of neck.)

Fair.

Overall Review:

The Good Parts::

— The name is good

— The tribe is good

— The appearance is amazing

— The concepts are pretty interesting

— The names and descriptions are all really great

The Bad Parts::

— The number of MudWings

How To Improve + Suggestions:

For the number of MudWings — just lower the number a little, to fifteen or ten MudWings tops.

I suggest adding some details to the personality — There a few minor details that you could fill in, like her mannerisms and attitudes.

I suggest giving her a friend — she's in JMA, she probably would have a friend right now.

My Rating:

9.4/10

Originality: 25/25 (This character is completely original)

Realism: 24/25 (1 point knocked off for the number of MudWings)

Interest: 20/25 (I'm interested in this character)

Uniqueness: 25/25 (This character is very unique)