Miles (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 20

He sighs as he shuts his laptop before looking over at Jonah. "Can you give us a few minutes?"

"Yeah, just let me know when you're ready to leave," he says to me as he pats my shoulder before leaving the kitchen. I take another sip of my coffee as Julian tries to think of what to say. I start to regret my question as I look at his pain-filled face as he thinks about that night that had caused me so much pain.

"I was frustrated and I needed to feel something. I really liked you and I couldn't tell if you liked me back and-" He tells me and I hold my hand out to stop him from talking because he was already infuriating me because he was either super oblivious or he was just an idiot.

"Literally hours before you fucked him, I literally told you how I felt, Julian! I told you I was willing to try this thing! Did that mean nothing? Did you just happen to forget that part? Did it just not matter to you?" I ask him, raising my voice.

"Of course it mattered, Miles! I told you that I fucked up multiple times and I stand by that. I was an absolute idiot who didn't see you when you were right there, okay? I didn't see you and I wish I did because we wouldn't be in this whole mess. I see my mistakes and I see where I fucked up, I see it. You have to understand that I didn't know what you were feeling," he tells me and I stand up, throwing my hands up as I let out a loud groan, walking away from him.

"You knew exactly how I was fucking feeling! I showed you exactly how I was feeling before you left. You left and I thought you understood what I wanted to happen between us," I tell him, angry tears starting to stream down my face as his eyes soften. I take a shaky breath before lowering my voice. "I came out to my family for you, I changed my life for you, and this is what I get in return? You fucked up and you understand that, yeah, I get it, but just saying it doesn't make up for what you did."

"Miles, please, let me explain," he asks, standing up to come in front of me.

"Explain to me why you never mentioned it. Explain to me why you thought you had to hide it. If you had just told me after you did it, then we would be okay right now," I say in a seriously calm voice, which scares Julian because he's never seen me this angry before.

"I feel like if I had told you after I did it, we wouldn't be here. You would've been done with me before we even started and that's not what I wanted," he explains, sounding so worried and upset that it made my heart ache.

"And now look where we are! We might be over now, Julian! Do you not see that?"

When I say that, he takes a step back as tears start to well up in his eyes. He turns away from me and I can feel my heart slowly breaking when I see him sad and hurt at what I just said to him, but it was true. I didn't know what was going to happen in the coming few days or weeks, I had no idea. I didn't know what I wanted or anything and I really needed to talk to my mom and sister about this first. I lift my head when he turns around and walks over to me, holding my shoulders tightly as I let him because I was done fighting him.

"I love you, Miles. I love you so damn much and I know that that's wrong of me to say right now, but I need you to know that. I fucked up and I fucked you over, I know that and I'm willing to do anything you want for me to forgive you. I just need you to know that before you make a decision; I love you, okay?" He tells me, his grip tightening on my shoulders as he keeps talking. I'm suddenly filled with so much anger that I see red in my vision. I violently shake my body away from him to show him that he shouldn't be touching me. I take a step back, my head starting to pound even more from my headache as my body tenses in anger. I can't remember the last time that I was this angry, but I couldn't focus on that now.

"You don't get to do that," I whisper, trying to keep my cool as I point an angry finger at him.

"Do what?" He asks, putting his hands up in surrender as he was surprised at my reaction.