Swear || a.i [editing in progress]

Eleven

I tossed and turned all night, recounting the incident of the night. Ashton's face of disbelief. Calum lying on the stretcher, barely breathing. I wondered what was running through Ashton's mind. He must not be having a much better time than I was. Either that, or he's passed out drunk. You can have feelings for someone and still be angry at them, right? Because that was what I felt towards Ashton. 

I looked over to the empty bed beside me.

If Cal was here, he would be comforting me, telling me that he was here like he always would.

Of course I was worried about Calum. I worried about him every second that passed. The next morning sucked. Ashton wouldn't talk to me the whole time at breakfast. He wouldn't even look at me. The disgusting look of dread he had on his face told me everything I needed to know. He didn't want to keep the baby. I knew he didn't. I just had to hear it from him before I truly believed it.

I ended up puking for thirty minutes straight before going to the hospital to visit Calum while the guys got ready for an interview. Dave called in earlier, telling us to cover up Calum's story as someone beat him up on the street while security was gone.

We all agreed to keep the whole Ashton thing secret.

Ashton was good at acting to the fans that everything was fine. He could have tricked me too. His smile was bright as always to the cameras and he never lost his child like joyful laughter. I grabbed my bag after puking and made my way out of the hotel. Surprisingly, there were no fans today. Probably because they had seen them leave the building earlier.

I hailed a cab and went to the hospital to look for Calum. The nurses led me to his room and I walked in silently, not wanting to wake him up if he was asleep.

"Bay?" His quiet voice was hoarse but audible. He lifted up his head slightly to catch a glimpse of whoever was at the door.

Looking at Calum caused a lump to form in my throat. He had bandages and cuts all around his face. He had a black eye and a busted lip. I felt sorry for him and angry at myself.

"Shit, Calum." I cooed as I walked over to him. I engulfed him in a hug but let go a second later when he flinched, momentarily forgetting that he was seriously injured.

"Sorry." I mouthed. He smiled at me and took my hand gently. The warmth was calming despite all the bullshit that was going on around us.

"How are you feeling?" Calum asked.

"You idiot, you're the one who's beat up and you're asking me how I'm feeling? I'm fine and dandy compared to you." I squeezed his hand. 

"Look Bay. I want you to know that whatever it is-"

"You'll be here for me." I cut in. He had said it a million times and I didn't need a million more to have it glued to my head.

The door was pushed open abruptly and we were interrupted by three sweaty boys running in. I instinctively let go of Calum's hand and moved to the corner of the room, giving the boys their space.

"Calum!" Michael exclaimed before running over to him. So did Ashton and Luke.

"Don't hug me please." Michael was just a few centimetres away from hugging Calum with his arms opened wide. He sheepishly retracted his arms and stood up straight.

"Cal?" Ashton finally spoke up. I felt Calum tense up beside me.

"I'm so sorry, man." Ashton had tears dropping from his swollen eyes. He gripped the side of the bed for balance and rubbed the tears away. He stumbled to the side of Calum's bed, the hangover obviously taking a toll on his motor skills. Calum laughed, or at least tried to. It sounded more like a strained cough than his usual hearty laughter.

"You're my brother, man. It's cool." Calum reassured Ashton. There was no point in quarrelling. He saw that. If Calum could forgive Ashton, I knew that I should too. It was a misunderstanding and I shouldn't have lied to him in the first place. In fact, he should be the one who's mad at me for not telling him sooner, I thought.

"For real?" Ashton seemed to be in shock. He lifted his head from his hands and stared at Calum in awe.

"Yeah, bro." Calum sighed. Ashton beamed. It seemed like neither of them acknowledged my existence in the moment but that was fine. They were happy to be together and honestly I felt like a fifth wheel. The four of them looked at each other with mutual enthusiasm that the boys patched things up. Michael muttered a "C'mere" and on cue, the boys huddled around Calum and tried to have a bro hug which only resulted in Calum yelping in pain before they jumped back. Michael and Luke continued to talk to Calum about the latest idiotic thing that Luke did while Ashton slowly withdrew from the group.

Ashton's gaze turned to me and flashed me an apologetic smile. I gave him a forced one back, solely out of politeness. He nodded towards the door and left the room, asking me to follow suit. I stepped out and we started walking away from the room. The palpable tension between us was dying to be broken with every step we took. We sat on the chairs in the waiting room and waited until one of us was ready to break the silence. 

"I'm an idiot." Ashton admitted without looking my way. 

"It's not completely your fault." I said. "I shouldn't have kept it from you for so long. In fact, you should be mad at me for causing all of...this."

He leaned back on his chair and finally took a good look at me. 

"I've been playing this blame game for way too long, Bay. It's not worth it." He said, with a sad smile. For a moment, it felt like everything was falling into place. The past few months of running around with the band was leading up to this. 

"So, Calum knew all this time?" He asked. 

"Yeah, he's been nothing but sweet this whole time. It's been so awesome to have him around, you know?" I stopped myself from saying anything more, remembering the night before, how upset Ashton was when he thought that I was with Calum. Maybe, I shouldn't talk Calum up so much around him. 

"That's good." He said, softly with a smile. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself that it was, instead of me. "That's good. So, what's next for us?"

I thought of the scenario again. We would be together, happily. Finally. We would raise the kid together and be a happy family, like I always wanted. 

"I was thinking that I could stay for a while more, get to know you. Then I'll go back home, you'll come back and we'll have this baby together." I told him my master plan, hoping for an enthusiastic response so that I could go back to life as I know it. He scrunched up his face and seemed to be deep in thought. 

"I don't know if that's a good idea." He said. 

"Don't you want to get to know me? Don't you want me to stay?" I avoided the real question in my mind, afraid of what the answer might be. I didn't want to hear it.

"Of course, I want you to stay. I'd want you to stay throughout the entire tour if I could have it my way." He said, with his fists clenched on his knees, apparently nervous. 

"So what's the issue?" I asked, naively.

"I'm not ready to be a Dad."

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A/N This chapter is really short sorry bout that. I'm writing three stories together and it's pretty hard. yes, I'm writing {In The Band IG} but haven't posted it yet.

Thanks for reading!