⚠️ This is a true story, unfortunately.
🖤1st in a series
✅Completed
I labeled this as teen "fiction" because my target age group usually thinks of self-help books or text books when they hear "non-fiction" and don't realize a memoir reads like a...
The anxious paranoia that Dan would change schools or fall into another dimension or get hit by a bus and I'd never see him again, was overwhelming. I don't even know why those thoughts entered my mind, but for some reason I decided they were worth dwelling on and freaking out over. I did that to myself a lot, when I found I had nothing to worry about at the present moment. I was so used to having anxiety, that I got anxiety over not having anxiety, so I would make up something stupid to get anxious over that really had no substance. I had to keep myself in this comfortable constant state of worry. It was a complete shit carousel.
At that point, I had no understanding of what was truly at play, so I just thought I had a strangely obsessive crush on him. I didn't know that it was the trying to gain control of the situation that I was obsessed with; not necessarily Dan. I couldn't mentally handle being in a situation that I had no control over. I had no way of getting close to him to impose my will and it sent my anxiety and NPD into a frenzy because I knew he'd love me if I could, and it depressed me that I was so helpless. The look in his eyes said he wanted all the same things I did and once he got to know me, I'd be the most magnificent thing to ever happen to him in his meaningless fifteen years.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I had all summer to think of an action plan. Most of that time was spent at my Aunt Michelle's house with my younger cousin, Natalie-Ann. She goes by "Ally" because that's what my aunt really wanted to name her, but didn't think it was suitable for an official birth certificate name. She's six years younger than me but she's my best friend/voice of reason. Ally's the perfect child if there ever was one. She is thee sweetest little coconut cream pie, caring, sensitive, compassionate, obedient, and book smart. If there was such a thing as Build-A-Baby Workshop, everyone would stuff an Ally.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Ally
She was always more like a sister to me, than a cousin, seeing as I practically lived at my aunt's house when I was in grade school. My grandmother had a stroke when I was in third grade, which left my mother to take over the family business; a string of Auntie Anne's pretzel shops that she had owned. This had my mom leaving for work at 4:00 A.M. and not returning until 7:00 P.M. I'd get the school bus to and from my aunt's house and my mom would pick me up at night; attempting to make dinner and spend a few hours with me, before having to return me to my aunt's for bed.
