To Dylan

forty-four

To Dylan:

ready to talk, then?

From Dylan:

as ready as i’ll ever be

To Dylan:

okay. like i was saying yesterday, i’ve never been in love. at least not how the books and movies describe it. i’ve never felt sparks when i’m looking at somebody and my stomach’s never dropped to my toes and i’ve never blushed after every two words a person says

To Dylan:

but i do know that when i’m around you i never want to stop smiling and i’ve accepted the fact that my best friend is really attractive and that i kind of want to kiss you all the time ages ago. so i don’t know if this is love, but i think at least that love is the person that will text you at 3:45 am just to show you that the numbers are going in order and you can’t even be mad at them because you’re smiling too much.

From Dylan:

i just don’t see how you can be in love with me. i really don’t.

To Dylan:

i know that you don’t see it and i really hate that. doesn’t change how i feel though.

From Dylan:

i know

From Dylan:

and i’ve felt that way for you for like two years now btw

To Dylan:

you’ve liked me for two years?

To Dylan:

but i was hideous when we were fifteen

To Dylan:

honestly

From Dylan:

i don’t like you for your looks, but you do look really good so it’s a plus

From Dylan:

i don’t know. that was just when i realized that i liked hugging you and holding your hand and stuff more than i probably should have. i don’t know why i like you. i just do.

To Dylan:

i can’t believe i never noticed

To Dylan:

two years

To Dylan:

two

From Dylan:

i can’t believe you didn’t notice either. but it’s okay. you know now. and you feel the same way?

To Dylan:

a hundred percent

From Dylan:

good. but you realize that you can’t just say ‘i love you’ and i’ll stop hating myself just because i know that you don’t, right? this isn’t like one of those movies. you get that? this won’t fix me.

To Dylan:

you don’t need to be fixed, dyl. you’re only as broken as you think you are. but i get it, i do. i don’t understand what you’re going through all the time but i’m still going to be here, no matter how fucked up you think you might be. and i know that it’s not going to make you better. only you can do that. and if i ever make it worse PLEASE tell me.

From Dylan:

i will, definitely. just going to enjoy this while it lasts because i know that you’re going to change your mind when you see that i AM broken. i am. it’s a fact. and nobody can really love somebody who doesn’t love themselves.

To Dylan:

well i’ve done it this long. now… you want to kiss me, or no? didn’t you say you’ve waited two years?

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