I'm fine, until I'm not.

Don't Let Me Go

See, told you he's avoiding you. I gave a frustrated growl, turning off the computer before I could reply to the other, standing quickly before pacing frantically, not even able to string anything but numbers in my head to keep the damn voice in my head silent, but failing pathetically. Your little idea, much like yourself, is pathetic. Also like yourself, should just stop, or die. I sighed quietly, falling to my knees, wincing at the impact. When will you accept the face nobody wants you here anymore Mitch? Jerome abandoned you, your family hasn't bothered to call in months, and nobody from what is left of The Pack has even bothered to call you. You have been recording alone for days, and even though you won't look at your comments, you can see from other people's videos that your 'fans' wouldn't miss you either.

"Stop, please just stop." I said, my tone desperate but voice no more intimidating than a wet kitten.

I know it hurts to know this, I know that you have been hurting for a while Mitch. The voice took a very gentle tone, the tone switch sharp and unnerving, yet somehow comforting above all else. You have been hurting since the end of Team Crafted, you feel responsible for the downfall of it, like there was something you could have done better. Before that even, when you and Zak had that fight over the channel. You have been hurting for such a long time Mitch, and I've been here this whole time, you just never hurt enough to hear me.

No, don't listen... It's wrong. I tried to tell myself, but already losing myself in the words it spoke, truth in the words and the compassion it was feigning lulling me into a sense of security. It was right, I had been hurting, I have always been hurting, but I couldn't let people see it, the fans and viewers wouldn't want to hear me complaining, they wanted to hear me happy, and they all bought it, including my friends... even Jerome.

I know you are hurting still Mitch, but I am not here to hurt you more. I want to help you find a way out, a way to not hurt anymore. I squeezed my eyes shut, the moment of silence showing just how empty the house was as the only sound that could be heard was my heavy breathing that was deafening. Mitch, you know I want to help you escape the pain. You dreamed about it, you know what to do too. Please, Mitch, do it and stop hurting. Once you do that you won't hurt anymore. My hands flexed as I stood, wiping my eyes.

"I can't... It's wrong to do that." I said, trying to be strong. I could be better, I could keep hiding this, fighting this voice, I had to... didn't I?

It's wrong for people to expect you to pretend to be happy and live when all you want to do it stop hurting Mitch. That's wrong too. You should do what's best for yourself, like you always do.

"I can't." I protested, the last of my resolve weakening as I found myself walking to the bathroom, the action strange and foreign since I didn't remember directly wanting to go there.

You can Mitch, you can. It's okay.

"But what about Jerome?"

I can promise he will understand.

I sighed, shaking my head and closing my eyes, but not moving. "No- I can't. It's not right, I can't do that to everybody..." I whispered, looking back at myself and wincing.

Would you rather go until you go insane? I mean you are seeing things and hearing voices. Mitch, this is the only way to stop hurting, nobody else is here to help you, and so you have to take matters into your own hands... I paused, still hesitant. You know the best way out too.

"I don't want to."

Yes, you do. I know you do. I know because I want to and I'm you.