I'm fine, until I'm not.

Don't Let Me Go

What's that supposed to mean? He's not a bad person. Somebody wrote back.

Yeah, he's a funny guy!

Stfu Mitch fanboys, he is a money whore who just loves to cause problems. That's why ASF and TC are dead, and now the Pack too.

Hey! That's not true!

It is true, heh, all you fanboys should go back to sucking his dick.

Fuck that, how about they kill themselves.

Wouldn't it be great if Bajan killed himself, no more gay fanboys.

My chest tightened and my breathing became erratic as a low laugh rang in my head, making me close the tab before I could scroll more. Told you people would want you dead. All you do is make messes and ruin things. It- I, god this is confusing- sneered

Tears welled in the corner of my eyes at the words, a feeling of truth coming across in those words as I tried to rationalize and deny it. This only gave the voice more time to find fire to burn me with, and provide ammunition. I bet if you read further, there wouldn't be anymore defending you, they all know you for what you are, a money grubbing asshole.

"I'm not... I just-"

Just what, need that money for an expensive car? Expensive house? You are too cheap to even buy sound foam for your walls to make your recordings better, what happened to being in it for the fans?

"I mean- its not that easy-"

It is that easy, you are just being greedy. Even Jerome has better sound equipment than you.

"Shut up" I said weakly, pulling my legs up to my chest and burying my face on my knees as if that would shield me from myself.

Man, think about how relieved Jerome would be. It's obvious that he wants you gone, why do you think he hasn't been around much since the fight between you and Lachlan. I flinched viscerally, my nails digging into my arms. Heh, he probably was in love with you, but I think that fight showed him just how stupid it was to love a monster like you.

My heart stuttered, the words breaking a dam in me that I had built a long time ago, only now starting to show cracks in its foundation and leaking. There were mixed feelings I had for the other, we had known each other on and off for so long, I wasn't sure how to address them in any manner. For years I had just kept pushing them into a corner that was firmly labeled Friends, without taking into account the times he had said something that made me blush, ot the way I wanted to take care of him, or the dreams I once had where- No, we are not going there right now. Wow, and you love him too, how disgusting. What would your parents think? They would be appalled that their son loved another boy.

"Shut Up!" I shouted now, releasing my knees to stand up as I wiped the tears from my eyes angrily. "I don't love him, I'm not gay. I like girls, I love boobs, not dicks... I-" I paused and ran a hand through my hair, cornered and agitated by myself. "I don't love him... I can't. It would ruin our friendship. He doesn't like me, and I don't love him either." I said again, my tone unconvincing.

Who you trying to convince, me or yourself?

My eye twitched, opening my mouth to protest before hearing my Skype ding. I glanced at my screen, eyes red from crying and face flushed, leaning over to click on it and seeing I had gotten a message from Jerome.

Sorry Biggums, Ryan wanted to hang out, I won't be back for a while so you can record without me. I'll record with you tomorrow... or later tonight if you are up to it. Sorry G.