Play Me | ✓

Chapter 37

You can do it, Summer. Just keep the goal in mind and nothing can distract you.

Sighing, I step onto the balcony and walk towards Kai. I lean against the railing right next to him and try to pinpoint what he's staring at, but I'm at a loss. There's nothing out there besides trees, the night sky is clear and the moon is covered by dark clouds.

"You shouldn't be out here," Kai speaks.

"Why don't we change it up and talk about you today instead of me? You know, spice things up."

"You want one?" Kai asks pulling out a pack of cigarettes while holding the lit one in between his lips. I look at him, stunned. Did he just do what I think he did? Did he just offer me a cigarette?

This is fucked.

"No," I resist all temptation to say yes.

"Are you sure?" he questions. Pulling the cigarette out of his mouth, he bites down on his bottom lip before inhaling one end of the cigarette and releasing the smoke towards me.

The scent awakens my senses and my fingers twitch wanting to hold the the stick. For a moment, there is nothing more I want than to let my addiction fuel me, but I hold myself back.

Kai's lips form a sinister smirk before turning around and smoking again. He knows exactly what he's doing.

"Fuck," I turn around trying to avoid watching him smoke. It feels like he has everything I've craved.

That's not true Summer. What you crave is something bigger.

I take a deep breath coming to my senses. I need to help Kai. Building up courage, I rest my elbows on the railing and lean my weight down on them slumping my shoulders.

"Why'd you stop smoking?" I query observing him from my peripheral vision. His head drops down, closing his eyes as he thinks.

"What is it that you really want, Summer?" he sighs.

My body turns around facing him happy about the fact that he's finally being straight up.

"What I want is for you to talk. It's not healthy to keep everything inside. I watched you go through everything today and it must have torn you apart."

"Are you saying that I can trust you? Because I'd like to, but I can't. It's not because you've done anything wrong, but because you're just too good. There's a part in me that believes there's a reason why you're that way and it's deeper than just being held hostage by gang members," he ends by rubbing out the but of his cigarette on the railing.

"You don't trust me? Fine. But that shouldn't come at the cost of your own sanity. As much as I hate to admit it, you're still human. Whatever act of defiance you display to prove your points, is just an act and some innocent part of you hates that. You want to quit it all, but you can't until you get the revenge you've worked so hard to achieve. You think locking up your emotions will help you get it, but you're wrong, Kai. You're fucking still a human with a functioning mind and fucked up thoughts. If you don't talk about them, they will devour you and you will achieve nothing."

He stands tall, the ends of his lips curl upwards.

"Even after everything you've been through, you still haven't learned the one, most obvious thing. Not everyone can be saved. Tell me Summer, besides the girls in my former camps, who else have you been able to save?"

I remain silent.

"Exactly, no one. But contrary to that, you have managed to destroy a lot of people and their lives. I mean all the people you've killed on your missions, they had a family that cried when informed about their loved one's death. One kill effects fifty others lives, Verano. I watch you kill, and I see no remorse in your eyes. No hesitation in your actions. Only lust for blood in your eyes. Haven't you stopped to think, that maybe before saving others, you should, I don't know, save yourself?"