your body is a weapon → brad simpson | ✓

sixty

"He approached me," I say to James. "He needed my help and he said that I had to marry him so no one would take over the gang. It's a long and complicated story but I was told that if I don't, there's a risk that Brad would've got hurt, maybe even killed. I couldn't turn down the chance to make sure Brad stays alive."

"Honestly, I think Brad would rather be dead than not have you."

His words twang at my heartstrings and I can't lie that I feel the same. The first few weeks were especially hard, and it's only started to get easier without Brad recently. It's still unbearable.

I push myself off of the wall as my legs begin to ache and James does the same. We both stretch as we continue to converse.

"I just don't see why you couldn't just tell Brad all of this before you made a decision," James says honestly. "He would've helped you decide what to do, he would've helped you get out of this situation."

"And that could've got him killed," I reason with James. "And I wanted to tell him before anyone else found out after I decided to take the deal, but it didn't happen how I wanted it to."

"That's because it's better being honest with Brad from the start, not when you feel it's the right time."

He's right, I should've told Brad from the start. I know I wouldn't be in this mess but there's also a chance that Brad would be in severe danger if he convinced me to decline the engagement.

"And now he's upset," James says. "He's upset, distraught, angry, hurt. You fucked up, Jamie. You lost him and you broke him. I've never seen him like this over anyone before."

"You don't think I'm upset and hurt? Angry at myself?" I ask in disbelief, stopping what I'm doing and standing up. James does the same. "James, I lost him, too. You didn't see me through the weeks of crying, you haven't felt what I've felt when I saw Brad, making out with girls at parties. James, I love him, I always have! And this hasn't been easy on both of us, and I miss him so fucking much and I've risked my happiness so that there's not a chance in hell that he'll get hurt!"

I take a deep breath, realising what I've just said. Everything I kept in, bubbling up inside of me, is now out in the open. I got everything off of my chest and I not only feel relieved, but overwhelmed.

James notices my eyes welling up and his face falls with sympathetic. I don't want his sympathy, I just wanted him to understand how I feel, too. That this is hard for both Brad and I.

James pulls me in for a long hug, rubbing my back as I cry into his chest. Aiden hasn't been someone I've cried in front of many times and it's nice to have the comfort of someone else this time. Aiden's awkward in these types of situations sometimes since he doesn't always know what to do.

"I'll talk to him," James promises me, pulling away. "I'll see how he's feeling and if he's ready to speak with you, alright? He knows I'm here today, he wasn't happy about it."

"You will?" I ask, my heart suddenly speeding at the thought of seeing Brad, talking to him.

"I'll try," he smiles. "You've got my number, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'll message you what happens," he assures me. "And I'm sorry that I just thought you were living the highlife, Jamie. I never really thought about how you felt, none of us have."

"It's okay," I smile, pushing some hair behind my ear. We decide to finish up our fitness session and that we can meet up in a couple of days for another try.

I show him to the door, talking to him about small things like how uni is going for him and how sixth form is going for me.

"Haven't been going," I answer when he asks me about it. "I mean, I started to at first and I saw Brad never came so I guess it was easier than I thought. But then after a party a few weeks ago, I saw Brad making out with Frankie and then they disappeared. Every time I've been in since, I've had it rubbed in my face by her that she's shagged Brad."

James face falls, traced with guilt. "Yeah, Brad told us about that when we were telling him to go out more. I won't spare you with the details but I think it's his way of getting over you. She probably thought he liked her or something, but I know he's certainly not over you."

I think I'm relieved to hear that Brad's not over me. It's such a selfish thought but I know that I love him still, and it hurts that I'm not talking to him.

"I'll see you later, James," I smile once we reach the front door. We hug briefly.

"I'll message you hopefully by tonight," James assures me and I nod slowly as we pull away from our hug. "Stay safe, name twin."

My lips pulls up into a smile at the nickname. "You too, James."

edited.