Estella

Chapter 2

But there must be a reason I am stuck where I am.

I don't deserve better.

I have shut out my family.

I treat them awfully.

I don't deserve better.

I am not a good person, but I still sometimes feel that I don't deserve to be stuck where I am.

But I do.

There is a reason I was forced into this relationship.

There is a reason I was forced to do all these things I never wanted to do.

There is a reason I am pregnant.

How do I tell my family?

Is there a way I could just run away?

Is there anywhere I could go where Jacob could never find me?

Is there any way that I can make sure this child survives?

I don't care what happens to me.

I just want a life for my child.

I want to watch him or her grow up.

I want them to have a chance at life.

I just want to be able to make the choice that I want to make.

Just this once.

Before I know it, I have gotten lost in my head for so long, class is over.

"Estella, did you hear what the homework was?" Parker questions as we leave the classroom.

"No." I admit to him.

My head is not focused on school at the moment.

"Well we have to finish reading that book by tomorrow." He tells me.

"Did you really ask me that because you just assumed I wasn't paying attention?" I ask him.

I know I wasn't.

But how dare he actually accuse me of it.

"You looked a little spaced out in class today." He says to me as we walk down the hall.

"I'm just ready to go home." I lie, trying to just get out of this conversation, school is over and I am ready for the weekend.

"I always am." He says to me.

He just seems so nice.

He seems genuinely good.

He seems like everything I wish Jacob was.

Parker is cute, funny, smart, kind, and he actually treats people like they are people.

Jacob just throws me around like a rag doll, more literally than I would like.

"Estella." Jacob says in a harsh tone walking towards us, grabbing my wrist and yanking me into an empty classroom, leaving Parker to walk alone.

He shuts the door to prevent anyone from seeing us.

"What do you think you are doing?" He asks me.

"What do you mean?" I ask him, even though I know talking to any other boy is forbidden.

As a response he just hits me.

"You know exactly what I mean, why were you talking to him?" He asks, getting angrier.

"He asked me about homework." I reply, truthfully.

He hits me again.

"Liar." He accuses, my face starting to burn.

"I'm not lying." I defend myself.

"I can't believe you would even talk to someone like him." He says.

"What do you mean by 'someone like him'?" I question.

"You know exactly what I mean, he's black, Estella, he doesn't deserve to talk to you. You are white, so you stay away from people like him." He tells me.

I want to tell at him.

I want to tell him I'm not white.

I want to tell him how wrong he is.

But I can't.

"Sorry." I mumble.

He hits me again.

"No you aren't." He tells me. "I can't believe you are actually trying to cheat on me, with him too."

"I'm not-" he cuts me off with another hit.

"How dare you try and sleep with anyone else, especially him." He accuses me.

I want to scream, 'I never even wanted to do anything with you, let alone anyone', but I can't.

So I don't.

"I'll see you later." He says, leaving.

All I can do is stand there, tears streaming down my probably bright red face.

Why must I be stuck here?

I wish I could just leave him.

But I can't.

I get my braces off on April 1st! I'm so happy!

"Once, when I was like 7, I put popcorn in my soda and drank it."

"Why?"

"One less step."