scream; malec au

epilogue

Magnus went on for a while. He went on until another event unravelled and he just couldn't handle life anymore. Losing Alec was the worst possible thing that could ever happen to Magnus, and when he also lost his dad later in that same year, continuing to live his life felt like a funny joke. 

It had happened in November, a few weeks after Halloween. Magnus had been really struggling after the ordeal, after Alec died, and Clary was incarcerated. Nothing felt right, no matter how hard Magnus tried to force his life to seem normal. His dad could see his torment, and it devastated him that he could do nothing to make it better.

One day, he was finishing up his work, and he got into the car to drive home, as per usual. He turned on the radio station, smiling as he heard his favourite song come on from when he was a young boy. The light turned green, and he drove. And another car drove, and then his head hit the steering wheel, killing him instantly, after a lorry ignored the traffic lights and slammed into his grey car.

Magnus, at first, refused to believe the police officers when they told him. "That's impossible, you must have the wrong person," he told the officers, shaking his head. Surely, he thought, the universe wouldn't take away his boyfriend and then his dad? It was cruel; Magnus wasn't a bad person and he didn't deserve to be punished like this.

 "It's the exact same car model and we found a photo of you and him in his glove box compartment, sir." The police officer was soft, placing a consoling hand on his shoulder, slowly handing him the photo of him and his father, smiling. The photo was taken a few years ago; he had just gotten his braces off and his dad had taken him to a restaurant. They were both happy.

Magnus fought back the tears that threatened to spill, wanting to save that for later, asking, "Why haven't you asked me to come down and identify his body? I thought that was routine." The officer sighed, trying to think of a gentle way to say this. He began, "I'm not sure if this will make you feel any better, but your father was killed instantly and he felt no pain. But, when he had already passed, his body went through the windshield and his face hit the tarmac. He's unrecognisable."

The situation felt distant to Magnus, like an out-of-body experience, where he was looking down at himself hearing this news. Magnus just nodded and asked if the officer could leave so that he could be alone, the officer replying that he understood and, once again, said that he was sorry. The door slowly shut, and Magnus was alone. Truly alone. He still had some friends from high school and some distant relatives, but he had no one left who he could speak to right now.

It took around a day for the fact that his dad was gone to really kick in; he woke up and shuffled down the stairs and yelled if his dad wanted a cup of tea as he flicked the kettle on. He then remembered that his dad was dead, sighing and putting the other mug away, filling his mug with hot water and then plunging the teabag in.

The next day, Magnus decided to write a suicide note. He wasn't sure who he would address it to, as everyone important to him was dead. What would he even write? He wanted to write a letter to Alec, or his sister, or his mom, or his dad. But, all of those people were dead and couldn't read it. He decided to write it to them anyway.

Magnus tore a page out of a school notepad, picking up a pen from his coffee table that had his dad's old work company plastered around it. He ignored the urge to cry, battling on with his mission. He clicked the pen so that the ink was exposed, beginning to scribble every thought he could onto the piece of paper.

He wrote, "Dear the person who discovers my body, this note isn't for you. I'm writing this for my peace of mind before I end this treacherous life that I am forcing myself to live. Nothing will help me, and I've accepted Death as a friend who I will go with shortly. I'm not afraid anymore. The first person who I lost who took a part of my soul was my sister, Laura. She was too young to die and she didn't deserve to die. Laura, I love you, and I never forgot you. I thought of you every day. And Mom, you were the best mom that I could've asked for. I understand why you left. I understand now, and I'm going to join you. The next person who I lost was, without doubt, my soulmate and the most special person to ever grace this hellish earth. Alec Lightwood, I have and always will love you. Our time together was robbed and I know that I'll see you soon in the next life, lounging on a sofa watching Friends in that adorable sweater you wear all the time. You were so special, and you deserved so much better than what you got. But, don't worry, your killer was brought to justice and your soul is immortal and will live on forever. Everyone will remember you. Dad, you were the most amazing parent, and the fact that you were a single parent didn't change how efficient you were. It gives me peace to know that you're somewhere better with Laura and Mom, and I'm going to be joining you soon. So, this is it. I'm going, and it isn't a return ticket. I lived a good life, but it's unbearable to live it any longer. I have taken everything life has blessed me with, and I appreciate it greatly. I fell in love, a few times, but no one will ever compare to Alec. He was too special. Tell the Lightwoods that I hope they find happiness and try and move on from this tragedy; they're amazing people and Alec lives on in all of them. I love you. Goodbye."

Magnus let out a long breath that he didn't realise he had been holding in, dropping the pen and reading over his words, deciding that he had written everything that he needed to write. He had planned to cut his wrists and end it fast, although the more he thought about all of the blood, he felt queasy, and decided to go with pills. He would feel drowsy and it wouldn't be pleasant, but imagining himself slitting his own wrists made him want to pass out. 

He paced up the stairs, feeling as light as a feather, almost feeling a desperation to down all of the pills as quickly as he could. He felt guilty for what he was about to do. Opening the cabinet, Magnus reached inside and pulled out every bottle of pills that looked like they would harm him, closing the cabinet and looking at his reflection in the mirror.

Magnus stared at himself, one last time, before opening the pills and emptying its contents into his mouth. He swallowed, one after the other, accompanied by a mouthful of tap water. And then, he waited, and he slept. And he slept. And he didn't wake up. And he was okay with that.

Someone did find his body; around a week after he had died, because he hadn't been showing up to school and, because he was now his own legal guardian, if he didn't ring in sick it wasn't considered urgent. Isabelle had come over to check on him, and found him in the bathroom. It was clear when she found him that there was no saving him, due to the colour of his skin. 

Isabelle found the suicide note after she had found Magnus and called the police, reading it to herself. It made her sad, yet had a positive impact on her. She took Magnus' advice and carried on her life in Alec's memory, holding him close to her heart with everything she did. She liked to think that Magnus and Alec were together again, in a better place, where nothing bad could harm them, and they were safe from everything but love. She thought of them, in the good place, sitting together on a sofa, curled up under a blanket, laughing and watching television. Where they belong; together.