MARCH
March roared in like a lion that year. It rained and stormed and was quite soggy outside. It was Ben's month to choose an activity and he decided that we needed to do something inside. He chose to work on gun safety with me and go to the gun range.
"Honestly, Ben: the gun range?"
"We'll go a few times, make sure you can handle your Cheetah."
"I've had that gun for years..."
"When's the last time you cleaned it?"
"Are you saying my gun is dirty?"
"It rolls all over your purse with gum wrappers and loose change..."
"I clean my purse all the time!"
"Lou, it ain't the same—let me see your gun."
"Here—see? It's as shiny as it can be!"
"What is that? Feels like an oily residue."
"I had a tube of hand lotion that spilled. But see how shiny the little ladybugs on the grip are?"
"This ain't good for your gun, Lou."
"I'll have you know that is good hand cream."
"That is not the point..."
"'Silicone Glove' from Avon."
"It's all gummed up in the sights."
"I have to order it special since Bonnie quit selling Avon."
"Lou, this is not about lotion..."
"I thought you liked the way my hands feel!"
"Let me make sure it's not loaded—where is your magazine?"
"You didn't answer me."
"Answer what?"
"Don't you like the way my hands feel?"
"Of course, I do. Now, where is your magazine?"
"Magazine? I have a copy of 'Southern Living'..."
"No! The thing you put in the gun—the thing with the shells."
"I thought that was a clip."
"No, it's a magazine. Where is it?"
"You learn something new every day."
"Lou..."
"It's in my makeup bag with my lipstick."
"That's not a good place to keep your..."
"When I shook hands with the preacher last week, he complimented how soft my hands were."
"That's neither here nor there. What is that..."
"If a man of God can notice how nice the Silicone Glove makes my hands soft then I would think my own husband..."
"Lou! There's a Tic Tac in the barrel of this gun!"
"What flavor?"
"What difference does it make?"
"You wanted to know when I cleaned it last—if it is an orange Tic Tac, then it was before Thanksgiving because..."
"No. No. Don't even finish that thought."
"Oh! Boo! My 'Bashful Maiden' lipstick lost the cap!"
"You've got lipstick all over your magazine!"
YOU ARE READING
Book of Resolutions
HumorNew Year's Resolutions: a time for new goals, new adventures, and new possibilities. What could be wrong with that? Plenty, when its Lou and Ben Craig! Last year, Lou and Ben's resolution was to do one new thing as a couple, once a month. Sound...
