HMS Valediction

Chapter 10.2

As the gears of the Xani rattles on, the rest of us fall into a strained silence. The only noise in the room is made by machine. I watch Knuckles conduct the examination carefully and Coodi keep her sentry position. They are all performing their parts. It suddenly dawns on me that I am not doing mine. And I won't be. Not for another twenty-nine days. The agony from this realization hits me hard and I groan, rolling my head to the side to hide my frustration.

"Pain?" It's a simple question that he asks that should have a simple response, but I can't give it. Yes. Pain. All of this is pain.

"Coodi," I address her for the first time. "If you're here, who has taken command in my stead?"

"General Hayomo, Commander."

"So she's finally coming around into the spotlight?"

"Commander Hayomo works only from the Nest. She sends Umpire and Norbit to do most of her tasks."

I consider her for a moment. If I know Coodi as well as I think I do, this is killing her. "Did she send you to babysit Knuckles?"

"Little one," he says to my belly as he rolls a device over the stretched skin. "Your mother is an unappreciative bint."

"No, Commander," Coodi continues, never letting her eyes leave the Xani on the floor. "I volunteered."

Coodi came to help.

It suddenly dawns on me that Moyra has yet to come by. Moyra who was with me. Moyra who stood there and watched me box. Moyra who didn't do a goddamned thing.

"Where is Major White?"

Coodi blinks as if startled by the mention of the name. " Major White? After the confrontation, she was released. She returned to ARC10 to inform General Hayomo and escort her to you. I. . ." She falters. "I haven't seen her since."

"You're a noble woman, Coodi. Thanks for having my six." I internally beg for her to turn and look at me. I want her to acknowledge that I'm seeing her for who she is. This girl is one of the few who goes beyond duty to stand rigidly by my side. Rigid. Yes. Very rigid, but she's there. Maybe one day I'll find what Coodi loves and I'll be there for her too.

Her gaze wanders from the Xani to me on the floor, with Knuckles wrist-deep in his satchel. She nods and returns to her vigil of the creature.

John. She watches John. It's a fitting name. Not sure where I picked it up, but — no.

I know.

"Knuckles, are you heading back to the ship anytime soon?"

"I refuse to be your personal carrier. Send your messages some other way."

"No, that's not what I was going to ask. Can you grab some of my things?"

"You're in prison, Lorn. They're not going to allow personal items. I'm only here as a courtesy to the URE. The Tadj value new life. They would not do anything to harm you as long as you have a child growing within you. Their words."

"So what's going to happen after my twenty-eight day sentence?"

He pulls up one portion of my gown to reveal my stretched belly to the room. Coodi's eyes shift as she tries to get a good look at the bump. I can see the curiosity scratching at her surface.

"It's fine, Coodi. When you're in this room with me, there aren't really many barriers that I can keep up. You're here, you're going to see things." I motion her over with a flick of my wrist. "Come meet my son."

She swivels around slowly and kneels next to Knuckles.

"How do you know it's a boy?" 

"I know."

"That is ridiculous," Knuckles says, rolling the sonogram wand over the arc of my belly and staring intently at his PAHLM. "She has no real knowledge of that fact."

"I know it's a boy." I debate how much to say. Do soldiers tell one another that they met their future children in their dreams? Then maybe right after this joyride as a prisoner, I can get a nice new room in ARC10 in a padded cell with the rest of the lunatics in the brig.

The lunatics. The Crust. Rind. ARC10. NOHA. All of this seems so far away from where we are in the confinement of the yellow stone walls and gravel. Before I can get lost in the swirling vortex of anxiety, I take a deep breath.

Calm down. It will all still be there when you get back.

John makes his whirring noises in the corner. He shifts to lie on his side.

The noise sounds more like a rattling now. It was faint earlier, but now it crackles louder as he rests with his head against the dirt.

"Does that sound normal to you?" I ask Knuckles as he roves another territory of my belly.

"What?" He mumbles, listening to the faint beating of the hearts within me.

"That noise. The one John is making."

"Christ, you really did name the thing, didn't you?" He curls his lip and looks toward the pile of gears in the corner. It cocks its head at him, fully planting its cheek in the dirt. "It's alien mechanics, Lorn. That's probably the noise they all make. I didn't notice it until you brought it up. Now it's going to bother me the entirety of our visit. Thank you for that."

He returns to listening to the heartbeat with a deep scowl.

Coodi seems to be lost in her own world. There's no point in repeating my question to her.

"All is well," Knuckles finally announces after enough prodding around my body. "Your child is just as good as when he last left my care. And luckily for him, you're grounded here. No more trouble for you to weave in some web of stupidity. You, my boy," he says to the belly again, "are very fortunate that your mother is an idiot. Now you get to rest, I get to rest, and we all get to wake up tomorrow morning knowing Janika Lorn will be alive and bored."

It's my turn to scowl at him.

"Twenty-eight of our Earth days. That's when your Reprimand will be held."

"What can I expect from the Reprimand?"

"What do you think? It's not called a Reprimand because it's supposed to be mysterious." He snaps his satchel shut.

He and Coodi head to the glass door and knock. A Tadj guard steps forward to open it and allow them through.

"We'll be back, Lorn. In a few days. Try to keep your sanity. Think about your lost love and make up some poetry to write him in order to make up for this debacle. I don't know what the hell that man sees in you."

"No one ever did."

That gets Knuckles quiet. Almost as if he regretted the comment, like it was a joke that went too far.

"I see it," Coodi pipes up. "I get why."

I smile at her. 

"Until next time, Lorn." The curtain of pebbles cascades down again. John and I are alone.