stray kids ; minsung | no.4419✦

08 : interlude

0:29 ──⊙──────── 3:03
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"good morning," my mother greeted me as she paused by the kitchen threshold, her small figure leaning to one side, fingers on the door frame.

i replied with milk pouring out of my mouth as i tried to address her back, muffling a 'good morning' in the process of spitting out my cereal.

she shook her head with a laugh, ruffling my hair as she strolled by to put the kettle boiling.

"why are you up so early?" i murmured, wiping my mouth and climbing out of my chair to wash the empty bowl.

my mother hesitated at first, but decided that i deserved to know the truth. "your father's court hearing was rescheduled for today," her voice was monotonous and whispering, her eyes running down low.

my body suddenly tensed, and fists clenched without my own realisation.

it was a common reaction on my behalf whenever the topic of my father arose. i couldn't control the hatred that sprawled throughout me like poison, overtaking and controlling the anger that i'd hide behind exhaustion every day.

it's been two months, but still the pain felt new. stabbing, piercing — betraying.

"do you want me to come?" i asked her even though every part of me was begging and hoping she'd say no.

there was a heavy silence in the air as she sunk into thought, pouring herself a cup of strong coffee as i stood and watched her endlessly stir the sugar.

"it's okay," she forced a small smile, "you should get to school."

i nodded solemnly, not knowing what to say.

half of me wanted to be there for my mom, support her and hold her hand, but the other half of me knew that i wouldn't be able to handle seeing my father again.

not after last time.

not after what he did.

"call me once it's over, okay?" i wrapped my arms around her shoulders as she sniffled with a weak nod in return.

i then stumbled into our tiny corridor, slipping into my usual shoes as i pulled minho's beanie over my head and let a smile falter on my lips for a moment as i recalled yesterday's series of events.

*this is where i stopped writing in december 2018, i'm so sorry, i don't deserve such beautiful readers.

"since when do you wear hats?" my mom was right behind me, curiosity flickering in her eyes.

i blushed pink, "my uh—friend let me borrow it last night."

"hmm, a nameless friend," a smirk grew on her face, "so it's not chan or woojin or changbin or seungmin then," she eliminated my friends right off the bat, just like that.

i laughed in defeat, nodding.

"i'd like to meet this new friend of yours, invite them over for dinner sometime," she winked and then turned around with a wave, "go on now or you'll miss your bus."

i snapped so quick i almost broke my neck, and looking at the time; i almost cursed out loud as well. "sorry mom, love you! don't forget to call me later!" i ran out the door and down the few flights of stairs.

and although running late was a daily routine of mine, my heart rang loudly through my head every single time.

i wondered if today i had a different source of motivation than usual to catch this bus, where as instead of it being on time for school — it was just to see my one and only bus buddy lee minho.

however already twenty minutes into the morning traffic, with some awful weather knocking on the windows and a few stops after the one where minho usually gets on — i still sat alone.

and it left me with this unsettling swirling feeling in the depths of my stomach, like hunger that couldn't be fulfilled, and i found myself sulking for the rest of the journey.

it wasn't the first time i sat alone, but it was definitely the first time that i was inexplicably so sad about it.

i tried to reason with myself, tried to figure out this hole that was munching me from the inside, but i couldn't understand.

was it the climatic build up of school stress and high risk of getting stripped off my scholarship? was it because of my mom going to a court hearing all alone when i could have gone with her? was it my dad? was it because i'm so incapable of managing myself?

jeez, what a joke. i'm such a joke.

i sighed, suddenly tired, my head in a spurring mess of depressing thoughts and helpless scenarios.

the weather outside of the murmuring panes reflected my state, murky grey clouds and whispers of an incoming rain.

the coming of winter, the sprawl of cold and the unsettling darkness past the usual hour of eight in the morning — yet here i was, shivering, alone and with a head that's too heavy for my shoulders to bear.

i got off the bus with steps of lead dragging me from puddle to puddle and in through the school gates as everyone pushed past me in a hurry. 

but for every stranger in a uniform alike to mine that shoved me side-wards and ran ahead, i grew more and more anxious.

"you have to see this!" i recognised a boy from my literature class shouting up ahead to his friend as i pulled away my earphones and found myself stuck in an expanding crowd of kids.

"fight! fight! fight!" some of the voices chanted as i tried to see what was going on.

"come on! punch him!" 

i pushed through, bodies in my faces, water in my shoes.

"it's too early for this," i said to myself, annoyed as i continued to squeeze through the mob until i accidentally tripped and found myself at the clearing of it.

"oh come on seungmin!" someone shouted again, right beside me this time.

shock paralysed me, there he was, standing a few steps away from me, panting heavily, his school blazer off and red scrapes seeping through his skin.

i gaped, mouth open wide, while his hair was a raveled mess on his head and his fists were turning pale from the coldness of the landscape.

what the hell? seungmin was never the type to fight.

but then i shifted my sight and seen who he was fighting, and it kind of made sense.

jeongin stood breathless too, fury clouding his eyes.

  3:03 ──────────⊙ 3:03
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✎ published: april 13, 2020

⟡ i'm so sorry, i forgot how to write lmao