Peter Parker Oneshots

Not (That Much of) An Idiot

"You all just received Omega 1 badges. They are of the lowest rank. There are five groups of badges - Omega, Gamma, Delta, Beta, and the highest, Alpha. Within each group, there are 10 separate levels, 10 being the highest." Everyone was staring at there passes in awe. "You guys can go wherever my card - a Delta 7 - allows you to. Now let's go through the processors."

Midtown finally made it to the processorss. "Thompson, Eugene. Omega 1. No unauthorized contraband. Jones, Michelle "MJ". Beta 7. No unauthorized contraband. Nice to see you again MJ!" FRIDAY announced, voice considerably warmer when she spoke to MJ. Cue stares of awe. "Leeds, Edward "Ned". Beta 7. No unauthorized contraband. Welcome back, Ned!" More stares of awe. Peter stepped up. Wait- his web shooters! He never came through the processor! Would she know it was all authorized? "Parker, Peter. Alpha 10. No unauthorized contraband. Glad you're here, Peter! Should I inform Mr. Stark of your arrival?" Peter's eyes widened. "No! Nope, no, definitely not, no." Flash looked over, a sneer on his face. "I see, you hacked the AI and you don't want Tony Stark proving your little lie wrong." The boy snorted. "So lame." Peter waited for Flash to leave, then scrunched up his face. "Is he an idiot?" He asked Ned and MJ. "That and more, like [CENSORED BY CAPTAIN AMERICA]," and "Most likely," were the two immediate responses. Obviously MJ was the former and Ned the latter.

Jared was a good tour guide - the labs, archives, and display room were shown with detail. "And now," The man was saying currently, "We will be going to see an Avengers training room! I wouldn't get your hopes up to see them all - maybe one or two, if we're lucky."

Peter sighed. This was a low class room, logic says none of them would be there. His Spidey Senses and Parker Luck™ said otherwise. Two annoyances - I MEAN AVENGERS - he had to deal with. But which ones? Bucky and Steve, or Natasha and Clint were possibilities, but Clint was most likely in the vents somewhere and Steve always used the room on floor 94. Bucky and Natasha were the most likely combination. They never gave a shit where they practiced and often escaped to the lower class rooms to avoid the insane screaming of the others.

Jared swiped his card and beckoned everyone in. Natasha and Bucky - Peter was right - were sparring. Nat was dual wielding (dulled) knives, and Bucky had a stun gun. The class watched in astonishment as Nat flipped away from shot after shot, knives glinting in the light. She gracefully rolled to the ground and threw a knife at the gun, crushing the muzzle and rendering it useless. Bucky muttered something under his breath and threw it aside, moving into a defensive position. Natasha grinned, pulling out another knife from her boot. Peter facepalmed. She was probably packing at least 7 others somewhere.

Bucky reluctantly moved closer and threw a punch at her, which she ducked and returned a quick series of jabs to his abdomen, followed by a kick. The man stumbled back for a moment, then leapt forward, sending a flurry of punches toward her. Nat took a hit, then flipped over Bucky's head and tackled him to the ground. "Yield?" She asked teasingly. "I yield." Bucky rolled his eyes. "You know, one of these days you might get close to winning!" She grinned, then noticed everybody. Instantly she stiffened, scanning the crowd and sizing them up. "Hello, Ms. Romanoff," Jared said uneasily. "Mr. Kleinman," She returned with a nod. "This is Midtown High. They are here on a tour." Natasha hummed. "That name sounds familiar..." She trailed off. "Маленький паук, где ты?" Nat asked. Little spider, where are you? Peter groaned. "Я здесь." He stated. "Не говорите ничего, чтобы олово может," He warned. I am here. Do not say anything to Tin Can. "I wouldn't dream of it," Natasha said, switching to English, ignoring the stares of Peter's classmates. Now she addressed the whole class. "Hi, I'm Natasha Romanoff. You know me as the Black Widow. I am part of the Avengers, who are the Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Any questions?" Nat looked at the waving hands. "Ok great, I never said I would answer them. I need to get back to training, have a good day. Bye, Peter!"

The boy could feel the stares of his classmates as they exited the room. Flash walked up to the trio, looking down. "Okay... maybe you do have an internship. I was wrong, and... um, I'm sorry for what I said." He glanced around, taking in shocked gazes. "I-I mean, I'm still better than you at other things," The boy said, and the shock started to die and the rest of the students got less interested. "But you were right. About THIS." Flash turned and stride off.  Peter turner to Ned and MJ. "Am I hallucinating? Somebody pinch me," He requested. "Yeah, I have no idea," Ned stated. Michelle just glowered in Flash's direction.

"Ah - the final step on this tour is a question and answer session with the available Avengers," Jared announced. "If you would follow me into this room," He requested, guiding them into a theater, where the Avengers logo was engraved in silver beyond the curtains. "Hello, little people!" A voice rang out. Mr. Stark had walked out onto the stage, followed by the whole squad. "I am Tony Stark." Peter snorted. As if they didn't know. "Without further ado, any questions?" And every hand erupted into the air. Except for Peter's. "You. Green shirt?" "Hey - I had a question for Natasha." The woman in question nodded. "How did you learn all of the techniques for self-defense?" Nat smirked. "Well, spend time with these guys and you have to learn," She said. Peter saw the sadness behind her eyes, though. The woman didn't like talking about her past in the Red Room. More questions were asked - things like 'How many pounds can you bench press?' and 'how do you fly?'

Then Cindy raised her hand. "Where's Spider-Man?" She asked. MJ snorted loudly, and Tony looked toward the sound in shock. He recognized her, and the shocked look turned slowly into a smirk, and traveled to Ned, then Peter as it widened. The other Avengers followed his gaze and wore similar expressions of excitement and triumph. Or evil, in Peter's opinion. "Well, he's out on a mission," The man answered finally. Abe was called on next. "What's Spider-Man like?" Mr. Stark grinned. "He's childish, mildly annoying at times, and obsessed with memes. But at the same time, he's incredibly brave, too pure for his own good, loves science, and is a bit sweet. A bit." The man stared right at Peter the whole time he answered. "Kind of like Barton here, if you take him as a base, subtract a ton of years -" "Hey!!" Clint interjected, offended. "Add a ton of morals, a decent personality, and a ton of nerd-ness," Mr. Stark continued.

That was when he called on Flash. Peter braces himself, expecting the worst and possibly a lot of dead children. "What does Peter Parker do here?" He asked, eyes narrowing a bit. It appeared he still didn't entirely believe Peter. "Oh!" Tony exclaimed, pleased. "He's my PERSONAL intern, but he's also crazy smart. He designs a lot of tech for the Avengers. The terrifying thing about him is that EVERY one of us has a soft spot for him. Even Romanoff here, the formerly thought as heartless assassin, loves him. It's creepy." The others nodded agreement, and Clint grinned widely at Peter, who facepalmed. It occurred to him that he did that a lot. Flash's eye twitched, but he nodded, accepting the fact, and sat down. "Wow, so he's NOT an idiot!" Ned exclaimed. "Not THAT MUCH of an idiot," MJ corrected with a grin. "But he's still a loser. Not as much of a loser as you guys. You guys are like prime losers here," She supplied helpfully. "Thanks, MJ," Peter commented sarcastically. "I exist to remind people that they suck!"

~•~•~• Time skip •~•~•~

Peter wasn't bullied over his Stark Internship anymore. It was clear that he had been hiding the 'personally knowing the Avengers' part. And nobody wanted to end up with the Avengers on their doorstep.