Binary Skies

Chapter 21: Support Systems Critical

Anakin frowned worriedly at Luke's sudden demeanor. "What is it?"

Luke shook his head, staring down at the fruit in his hand . "I just...I don't feel well." Luke explained lamely. That was the biggest understatement of his life.

Anakin sat back, studying Luke. He didn't quite believe him, and it wasn't due to a lack of trust on Anakin's part. It was the sense of guilt, shame...fear Luke emanated that told Anakin there was something else going on in his mind.

"Is this about what happened on the island? When you thought Nakari was dead?" he asked gently.

Luke tensed at his father's words, feeling his nausea intensify. Not trusting himself to speak, Luke simply nodded in answer. He waited until he trusted his voice to be even and his stomach wasn't so unsettled to speak. "Partially..."

Anakin pursed his lips. "Luke, you have nothing to be ashamed of."

"Yes, I do," Luke replied, not meeting Anakin's gaze. "I could have..." Luke shook his head, both to shake away the thought of what could have been and shake away his torturous nightmare. He rubbed subconsciously at his arm and shuddered at the thought of the vision, switched to a different statement that was the truth but also meant to mask the true source of his sudden fidgetiness. "I still feel that void, and I still feel so cold..."

Anakin reached over and placed a hand over Luke's. "Imagine how much colder you'd feel if you had given in and acted on those dark feelings?" He returned. "I can assure you through first-hand experience that you have done nothing wrong. You experienced the natural occurrence of anger and the desire for revenge. The important thing is that you didn't act on them."

Luke finally looked at Anakin, his nightmare still blazing in his mind. Those embers and small metal fragments Luke was suspicious represented the dark side had spread to infect his entire being as soon as they'd touched Luke. He'd been tainted only just in the dream, and it had overcome him. "I only stopped because I felt she was still alive, but she was..." he paused, unable to say the word dying while she still balanced between life and death. He struggled once more with one last statement. "What would have happened if she'd really...would I have been able to stop myself? And...what if there's ever a next time? Will I be as lucky then?"

Anakin looked down. "I can't preach about how one should always stay on the light, because I have dabbled in darkness myself...more than once. You already know of the Sand People, but I also killed Count Dooku while he was unarmed...actually that was right before I came to this timeline." Anakin sighed. "I've also choked people. But not to death...though usually because someone was there to put me in my place."

Anakin looked to his son again. "I felt good in the act...but afterwards I was always weighed down with my own guilt. The blood of others can be obscenely heavy to carry around. And while it's easier to come and you feel powerful, it's a fickle thing." Anakin paused. "My point is, there will be other times. You will get angry again, you'll want other people who do wrong by you or your loved ones to hurt. But you also have a choice. The choice to act, or not act on those thoughts. It's not an act of evil to feel, Luke, or to have bad thoughts."

The elder Skywalker tilted his head. "Do you know why the Dark Side is so intimidating? Truly?"

Luke shook his head, though he could name some rather terrifying things from his most recent vision. "No...we haven't really talked much about it," Luke said softly.

"Because it feeds off of your self-doubt," Anakin said. "You are strong, Luke, and your willpower is astounding. Your lack of self-confidence will be your undoing if you don't learn to bridle it."