The Rumor Mill

Ch. 21

Chapter 21

The last time I had sex with Marcus, he took my virginity, and the next day, cheated on me. Everytime I think about that, the scene pops back into my head like a recurring nightmare. I just keep watching myself walking up those stairs. I keep screaming to myself to stop, turn around, pretend like I didn't hear the noises and moans coming from his room.

But, being oh so curious, I just HAD to see what was going on. I remember I use to always ask myself what if. What if I had never gone to Andrew's house that day? What if I'd never caught Marcus? What if I had just forgiven him and continued dating him?

I'll tell you what would've happened. I'd never have met James. I'd never have gotten the chance to talk to him, hug him, touch him, kiss him...love him. I love James. I love him with all my heart. I remember when I thought he was a cheater, how I felt heartbroken because I always thought 'once a cheater always a cheater'. Talk about karma right?

There I was convincing myself HE was the cheater, when all alone...it was me. God! Why did I mess this up?! For the first time since...since my...parents....died, I'd felt whole again. I felt like my life was finally getting on the right track. I felt like James was the only thing holding me together, and now without him, I've falling apart.

I love that boy. I love James Adams! So why am I willing to sleep with my ex? Why am I not fighting for James? Gawd lee, I can be so STUPID sometimes!

"Tracey, you don't know how long I've wanting to kiss you again," Marcus began as I was fumbling with his pants. "But not under these circumstances. I don't want to be the rebound guy," he admitted, causing me to stop. What am I doing? I'm using him as a rebound. I'm turning into a slut! Oh. My. God! I'm turning into Porsha! With that thought, I jumped away from Marcus as if he was contagious.

To my surprise, he let out a sigh of relief and sat up, facing me. I had moved to the edge of the bed, looking at him in disbelief. I can't believe I almost had sex with Marcus out of vulnerability.

I laid my face in my hands had sighed, "God, I'm a complete SLUT."

"If you were a slut, we'd be naked right now, trust me," Marcus mumbled under his breath.

"What do I do now Marcus? James will never forgive me."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, he'll forgive you. YOU forgave ME."

"Yeah, it took me three years to do that."

"Well then we'll just have to sum that down to about...three weeks? Maybe one? Depending on how pissed off he is..."

I looked at Marcus in shock. Did he just volunteer to help me get James back? "Are you saying you'll help me?" I asked suspiciously. He nodded as if it was obvious. "Why?" I asked accusingly.

Marcus sighed with annoyance, as if he'd explained this a million times. "Because I love you Tracey. And despite if you don't feel the same, I still want you to be happy. After everything you've been through, I think you deserve it," he answered simply.

I didn't say anything, I just scooted close to him and gave him a hug. "Thank you," I whispered. He placed his hand on my back and rubbed in circles. "Anytime," he whispered. I have to admit, I do still love Marcus, but I'm not IN love with him. I mean seriously, he was my first love, not to mention the first person I had sex with, and you know what they say "You never forget your first".

I smiled. As funny as this may seem, I'm thankful Marcus is here with me. If he were gay, he'd have the perfect bestfriend materials. I chuckled. Haha, I told him that, and he laughed. "Tracey if I were gay, I'd turn straight for you."

We both laughed. Now! On with my attempt to get the love of my life back...Mr. James Elliott Adams.

[AN: Sorry it's soooooo short. I was kinda making it up as I went along...shhhh....don't tell anybody...hehe]