The cover was made by the awesome @-Sitarday- !!!
Basically what the title says. Rated mature because of some language.
Note: This was inspired by my friend Kylie. Kylie, if you ever read this, please don't murder me for how bad this is.
So it's two days till Christmas, and honestly, I'm dreading it. All of my family will be there, including cousins and brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and the whole lot. And every year, there's at least five people who bring the worst gifts known to mankind. For example:
Aunt Ida: *brings a used lightbulb* You should've been an electrician, not a hippie with a bad perm.
I swear, the perm bit made me cry. I think I looked pretty adorable with a perm.
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Yes? No?
Krishna, you people make me cry.
Anyway. I'm going to tell you how to fake appreciation for shitty Christmas gifts.
Author's Note: This idea was not original. It was taken from a Benedict Cumberbatch video where he basically did the same thing. So don't sue me. Please.
Okay, back to the thing.
Gift #1:
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My Outward Reaction: Aww, this is perfect! Microwave meals. Though I should add, I do love to cook, I just haven't the time because I spend so much time scraping cat litter off the floors. And do you know why else this is just perfect? Because I keep making microwave meals for two, when I only need it for one! Thank you so much, I'll cherish it for a lifetime.
My Inner Reaction: Okay, maybe I'm overdoing it, but it's just because I can't stop thinking how shitty of a gift this is. Also, I should add that I do know how to cook some kickass lentil soup. And I don't own a microwave because they're gross. And hey, why do you assume I'm alone? Microwave meals for one? Really? And no, I'll cherish it when it's in the trash can.
Gift #2:
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My Outward Reaction: That is so adorable! I'll feel so festive during the party! And cats. Totally not creepy the way they're staring at me *uncomfortable laugh* Oh, and I still see the price tag... $20! You really, really shouldn't have, too kind of you *uncomfortable smile*
My Inner Reaction: Okay, so I'm not totally unprepared for this one since John got me this for Christmas last year. You really shouldn't have, John. Really. Also, $20? What the f*ck? You could've just spent money on a good CD or something. Really. Walmart is your friend.
Gift #3:
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My Outward Reaction: HOLY SHIT THIS IS WHEN YOU GO TOO FAR WTF ARE YOU TRYING TO MURDER ME
JUSTIN BIEBER???? EVEN ONE DIRECTION WOULD'VE MADE ME SCREAM LESS
YOU JUST WENT TOO FAR, BRO
TOO FAR
___
Well, that escalated quickly. This was also a true story. John got the CD for me to troll me. Are you seeing a general theme here? About John giving me a lot of shitty presents?
To John- If you're reading this, I'm still trying to find you after what you did to my poor garden gnome Billy.
Wait, what am I saying? He was a creep. But snowball war is still on, mate.
