Ryan

Prologue/Chapter 1

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
This book contains mature content, addiction, drugs, talks of suicide, and self harm.

Prologue

Life goes on and people do as well but tragic things forever remain in your mind, permanently imprinted like a tattoo that can't be removed. All we can do is move on. The thought echos in my brain, bouncing around like a latex ball, but I can't grasp it. I reach out for the brightly painted sphere but my palm never grips it. My fingers graze the smooth surface once in a while, taunting me, teasing me. That's what tells me this will never go away, ever, but if these little white pills can numb me through it, then so be it.

Chapter One

Ryan
(Ryan is a girl)
•  •  •

I've had exactly two large coffees and a red bull to keep me going after a night of insomnia. The caffeine pumping through my veins has me feeling like the energizer bunny, practically vibrating through campus. Did I pack everything? Will I like my roommate? What if my roommate doesn't like me? Oh no, what if no one likes me? Will this be high school all over again where I end up eating lunch in the library to avoid everyone? My breathing spikes at an alarming rate as panic sets in just before a large palm lands on my shoulder.

"Ry, calm down. Everything is going to be okay. The Kappa house is right around the corner so if you need anything I'll be here in just a few seconds." A soothing male voice reaches my ears.

I force my eyes open, not even realizing they had been closed in the first place and meet my brother's cerulean colored eyes.

I give him a nod and take a deep breath. "Thanks, Tay, I'm just really nervous."

Understatement of the century. Okay, maybe that is slightly dramatic but your Freshman year of college usually sets the vibe for how the remaining years will go, or so I've heard. If I somehow manage to screw this year up what if I flunk out or something?

Taylor gives me one of his signature lopsided smiles, flashing me his perfectly straight teeth that weren't the result of braces, unlike my own, and messes my hair up like I'm still a little girl. "Don't be."

Oh, that was one hell of a pep talk now I'm not the least bit nervous, I think wryly.

He hands me my duffle bag and suitcase and I pout; he's leaving me all alone. I'm going to be in the center of this huge campus all by myself.

"I'm sorry but I have to get to the Kappa tent, duty calls," he says as if he isn't practically bouncing on the balls of his feet at the thought of joining his frat brothers.

Traitor.

A tall curvy girl struts by in a tight dress and tall wedges. She gets a gleam in her golden-brown eyes at the sight of my brother and runs a manicured nail over his bicep. "Hey Taylor." Her voice is sultry, dripping in honey it's so sweet.

Taylor's eyes go all smoky as he nods his head at the girl and trails after her toward Greek Row like a lost puppy. Duty my ass.

"Yeah, it does," I mumble sarcastically at his retreating form.

I take a glance at my paper to see what Hall my dorm's in. I looked ten minutes ago but I've already forgotten what it was called. This past month has been so stressful, I can't remember anything anymore it seems. Prescott Hall. I wheel my suitcase in the direction the map says and head toward my dorm building. That's so weird though, I thought Prescott Hall was supposed to be an all-male dorm. I shrug and continue on, taking in the scenery around me.