Mend My Heart - Book 2

CHAPTER 4.

The more I stare at her photo, the more the sadness drains through me, worsening the searing pain in my heart.

I fucking miss her.

It's only been a day since I've arrived home, but I already regret my decision. I should have stayed and talked to her. I should have told her everything, all my secrets. But again the thought of her judging me, looking at me differently scared the hell out of me so I couldn't...I couldn't tell her.

Being home isn't helping either. It's only stressing me even more because I don't know where I stand with her right now. I replied to her message assuring her that I wasn't going to break up with her. She left me on read. I've also tried calling her but all my calls went unanswered.

I've never felt so empty and conflicted.
Part of me wants to go back to Melbourne and talk to her but the other part just won't let me because I fear rejection and losing her. I don't even know what to do anymore.

I messed up. I fucking messed up.

When my phone vibrates on the bedside table, I place the photo on the bed and quickly grab my phone. Realizing that it's not Cassy who texted me, I let out a low sigh as I open the new message from Ray.

Bro...why on earth did you leave without telling Cassy?

I run my eyes over the text for the second time, questions swirling through my mind. I hit the call button and immediately, it starts ringing. Ray picks up on the second ring.

"Is Cassy there?" is the first question that leaves my mouth, followed by another one "how is she?" and another one "did you talk to her..."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he's quick to cut into my words "why would leave like that?"

Stressed out, I run a hand through my hair, murmuring "I can't talk about it"

"Talk to her about it then" he asserts and I don't say anything "why are you being like this?" I remain quiet "you should have seen how shocked and sad she looked after I told her that you left. If this is your way of pushing her away or if you are trying to end your relationship then you're doing one hell of a fantastic job"

The thought of losing her makes me shudder from my feet traveling to my head. I take a deep breath, whispering "I love her"

"You have a weird way of showing it" he contends "I don't understand, Blake. Why did you leave?"

Just when I'm about to say something, mum walks into my room, and instead of saying what I wanted to say to Ray, I mutter "I have to go. I'll call you back later"

"Hey, mum" I sit up straight on the bed and she takes a seat next to me "how was work?" I ask, trying to avoid all the unsaid questions I'm witnessing in her eyes.

Last night when I arrived, she was already sleeping, but I did text her to let her know that I was home. In the morning before she left for work, she did try to start the conversation but I told her that I needed to rest even though it was a lie. Ever since I arrived here I haven't been able to sleep nor do anything. It's as if my mind is working overtime and whenever I try to close my eyes, all that I see her.

"I didn't do much work because I couldn't stop thinking about you. I'm worried, Blake" her hand rests on my lap "is everything okay?"

I exhale, avoiding meeting her gaze "I have a lot on my mind and I just need some time to think"

"Does it have to do with Cassy?" she takes my silence as a yes "did you guys argue?"

"More like a misunderstanding" before she can open her mouth to say something, I whisper "I don't want to talk about it, mum"

With an understanding, she slightly squeezes my lap "I won't push you into talking about it but I will say this...coming back here is not going to solve anything. You need to talk to Cassy. You can't just run away because you guys are arguing. Relationships are all about communication" I finally meet her eyes "how would you feel if she did what you did?" her words leave me voiceless but full of thoughts.

For the remainder of the day, I stayed in the room drowning in my thoughts of her. Sleeplessness has become my torment. Just like the night before, I tossed and turned trying to fight off the feeling of emptiness and loneliness. Part of me couldn't help but wonder if she's also awake, missing me and longing for me like I miss and long for her.

When the morning comes, my eyes finally close and I feel myself slowly drift into a deep sleep but that becomes impossible when my phone vibrates on the bedside table. Every cell in my body buzz with hope, hope that is Cassy who texted me. But to my disappointment, I find that it's Jake. I dread opening his message and decide on opening it later. But as I'm about to place my phone back on the table, it vibrates again. This time, I open the messages.

You are going to lose her.

BRING YOUR ASS BACK HERE!