A Rose by Any Other Name

Chapter 30

Mike's face twisted with tension and I could tell he was genuinely sorry. Fuck, now I felt bad. I crossed my arms over my chest, "It's fine. Things happen. They put me in a better home now. They didn't even put my things in trash bags when I moved. I got a whole suitcase."

Mike still looked stressed about something, pushing his long fingers through his hair. I'd known him for most of the year and it surprised me that he wasn't a bottle blond. On occasion the colour reminded me of a dark spun gold. The way he was sliding his fingers through the strands showed that the colours were a myriad of browns and blonds. "I'm sorry." he said again, pushing his fingers through his hair so hard I thought a few strands might fall out.

"Hey, it's not like you did anything-"

"But, I did." He said in a roughened voice, staring at me.

God, talking to him was like pulling teeth. "What did you do?"

"The day he got arrested...I confronted him."

The floor suddenly felt unstable and I gripped my locker. This didn't make any sense. "When?"

"You...Left your drivers license at school and it had your address on it. I could have texted you. I know I should have texted you. But I was kind of curious, 'Where does Derrick live? What's his homelife like? His parents?' You're so distant at school...So I rode my bike over to your building and right before I knocked on your door, he came out of the elevator, cursing up a storm at me, saying he doesn't want solicitors." Mike swallowed and started talking again, ends and beginnings of words toppling and turning into each other. "And even then, it all clicked for me...And I knew. So many things started making sense. And I- I called him out. Saying he was a fucking asshole and he should pick on someone his own size."

I was at a loss for words. What an idiot. "And then you left me to deal with the consequences, huh? Is that what this is about? You think you riled him up which made him lash out at me?"

Mike looked like he was in pain. His brows knitting together as he gnawed on his lip, clenching and unclenching his hands by his side. I let out an unkind laugh.

I rubbed my hand against my forehead, shaking my head. "He's an abuser, Mike. He'll always have an excuse for lashing out at people. Or..." I looked up at him. "You thought you were so special that you'd be the sole reason that he tried to kill me?"

Mike flinched, and I watched the guilt continue to warp his features.

I just repeated what my therapist had been telling me.  Somehow I didn't want to see him looking so wrecked. "What he did to me is no one's fault. Not mine. Or yours."

Mike's body was tense all over and he worked his jaw for a moment, before he let out a half sob, and started crying. For a moment I was speechless, watching this guy who was nearly twice my size, shaking and crying with tears rolling down his face. Fuck, what was I supposed to do? I chewed my lip and patted his arm awkwardly. The next thing I knew he had wrapped me up in his arms, squeezing me like a body pillow, with my head neatly tucked under his chin. He was saying something but it took me a while to understand him. "I should have done something. And when you didn't show up to school the next day and I heard you were in the hospital...I felt so guilty. But I'm glad you're okay." I could hear his heart beating erratically against my ear.

"Uhm." I said. My arms were limp by my side and I wanted him to let me go and keep hugging me at the same time. I couldn't remember the last time someone had hugged me. Maybe a couple foster care homes ago.