when in rome | ethan

four

i stared in disbelief. i wasn't stupid, i knew he was talking about us. i just don't know why. "why'd you wait a month to muster the courage to ask? what happened to approachable?" i curiously asked.

he sighed, "to be honest, i needed to comprehend everything. you know? act like everything was okay to keep my image."

"that's exactly it," i scoffed, "why do you need to keep this perfect image?"

he falls back into his seat, defeated as he stared off at the view. i stare at him, my lips part. i had hoped for an answer. but all i received is silence. to be honest, it angered me.

"i can't belie-"

"i don't wanna lose any more people, okay?" he says, cutting me off. even im surprised at the fact that he opened up to me before i yelled at him. usually he'd just take it first, but i guess we were both getting sick of it. possibly at each other. but i couldn't help but feel at some point, my heart acheing. "you taught me what that feels like," he mutters, "i might as well give people what they want in me."

silence filled the air, and im left almost speechless. i never thought id pity him ever again. to me, the boy lost all feeling in everything. but as i grew, i found out that no one ever loses that.

"you know what?" i lean forward with my elbows on the table, "i noticed this, i really did. i didn't want you to hide who you were. i felt tired of waiting for you so i left."

he looks over at me, "why didn't you just tell me?" he asks.

"it's not as easy as you think, ethan." i state, "i didn't like the feeling of being with someone who loved himself more than he loved me. if i told you, you wouldn't have understood."

"you're right. i don't understand," he sighs. "you broke up with me because my attention was on my friends for a few more minutes then it was on you? that's so dumb, andi."

i shake my head, "no, what's dumb is the fact that you think i felt unwanted for minutes. try months, ethan." i was angry at him. i swear i almost pounce out of my chair ready to slap him. "it hurt... because i was in love with you. not the idea of you."

"what do you mean," he sighs, clearly irritated. he didn't understand my kind of love. and now im starting to think he never did.

i stand up out of my chair, ready to leave. "i mean, you didn't have to choose your friends versus your girlfriend. why compete when you could've had both. i just want you to understand that our viewpoints were wrong from the start. we experienced a different kind of love."

i left him there speechless. when he first came out there, i did not think that was going to be the conversation we were going to have. but i honestly don't know what i was expecting anyways.

i don't know ethan's mindset. my brain is coming up with crazy scenarios telling me that he cared less once he found something way more worth his time and company. i wanted him to know that a month ago, i didn't just think of loving him. i did.

im not sure if i can even say i stopped loving him. cause then i'd just be lying. it's just easier to tell myself i loved him instead of i love him.

but tonight, i learned that maybe he cares a little more than i thought.

WHEN IN ROME

"what's up?" i ask, once coming out of the bathroom from a shower. it was the next morning and we were wasting time before our tour with our college class today. i see mia sitting up on the bed, texting on her phone, isabelle and aria lying down at the bottom of the bed.