12:01

01:00

[unedited]

Dr. Martinez tapped her pen on her desk as she looked at her clipboard. Her last patient had left just minutes ago and she still found herself watching the spot where he'd sat. Since she had a few minutes left to herself before the next session, she took out her next patient's file and laid it on her desk, smiling at the sight of it. Addison Jones. Her eyes wandered to the right of her computer. Like a mirror reflection, her honey colored eyes stared back at her, and her auburn hair was coiled into a tight bun, like always. Addison had been drawing her over the last few weeks, and Dr. Martinez had the honor of placing the finishing product on her desk.

The sound of a gentle knock came from the door. Dr. Martinez looked up and checked the time on her watch. Five seconds after 10 o'clock.

"Addison," Dr. Martinez said as she smoothed her pencil skirt and motioned for Addison to enter her office. The girl entered and sat on the edge of her chair, a curtain of hair covering most of her face, her lips pressed together tightly.

Dr. Martinez furrowed her eyebrows, and her smooth face crinkled. "How was the walk here? Good?"

Since kids were at school and most adults were at work, there were barely any cars whizzing by at this time of day, which was better for Addison. Addison nodded sharply and glanced around the office, Dr. Martinez following her gaze. There was a simple mahogany desk with a chair on either side, and pictures of the ocean and flowers hung on the walls. The room was colored a soothing baby blue.

"I can't sleep," she whispered, shifting toward the middle of her seat, gripping the arm of the chair with one hand as she wiped the light sheen of sweat from her forehead with the other.

Dr. Martinez took her notepad out and glanced at the girl. The lines on her forehead creased upwards in surprise. She usually had to ease Addison into the conversation by asking how her day was. The small talk helped, but today Addison had jumped right in.

"Have you tried following the relaxation protocol we talked about? Meditation, a warm shower, breathing exercises..."

Addison squirmed under her watch and shook her head. "No. I—I feel uncomfortable doing them, and the routine seems off to me. And...I felt fine when I don't do them too."

Noticing the dark bags under Addison's lightning-blue eyes, Dr. Martinez sighed, clasping her hands. The two were trying to find something where it would help Addison with her lack of sleep throughout the night, but without medications.

"We're trying to find something to help you, Addison. The medications won't last long term, but a routine will. I just want you to understand that. I want what's best for you, but I don't want to force you either."

Moving her gaze to the window, Addison muttered an apology as she nodded.

The psychologist glanced at the girl hiding behind the curls of her thick blonde hair. Addison's skin was paler than usual, as if she'd had a ghost haunting her all day. The seconds on the clock ticked by, the silence deafening.

Addison took a deep breath, her lip quivering. She spoke quickly, trying to catch her breath before talking again. "It's been three months, one day, ten hours, and fourteen minutes since it happened, and every day, I regret everything."

"You haven't done anything wrong, Addison. You were a victim of the accident too."

"It was my fault! I know that I could have done something, changed something so that he would still be alive. It's like I killed him myself...and I can never move on from that."

"I know it's hard," Dr. Martinez agreed. "Feelings like this are expected after traumatic experiences." The psychologist recalled that, for the last few months, she had reminded Addison it wasn't her fault and she wasn't to blame. But every time she was reminded, it seemed that she felt more and more that it was her fault, and that she would never be forgiven. That was the reason why she was struggling. Dr. Martinez told herself not to push the girl, never make her feel forced, and never pry for answers. Everyone was different, and Addison was a china plate, half cracked but not fully broken.