the thirteenth doctor & you

time heals.

it's hard, sitting there, staring out the window. it was raining, you think - it could be the tears clouding your eyesight, but you're pretty sure it was. you loved the rain, but today ... not so much. you hated it - just as much as you hated not being able to help, not being able to make him better. you're just stuck, watching as the cancer takes his body and then his mind. four years, you've lived through this and it was ... the most wonderful four years you've ever had.

he saw you graduate high school, he saw you at formal. you're eighteenth.

your best moments and your worse.

but now ... now he won't see your kids. or walk you down the aisle. see you turn from a teenager into a young woman and it hurts.

everything that you had planned suddenly just all flew out the window at the beginning of that week. everything you wanted to do - gone.

a hand covers your mouth and you try desperately to cover the sobs that want to escape your mouth. you don't want to disturb your grandma or your brother who sits to your left. your sister is desperately trying to put her one year old to sleep, but he was wiggling too much - the smells and the atmosphere was awful for him as well. your mum was in the room with your dad. you had no idea how she can stand to sit in that room and be with him, you couldn't - looking at his pale face, skinny and hollow. nothing like it was when you had turned 18 when he was still walking around. up and about, not ... not dying.

that's when you felt a hand on your shoulder and your whole body jerked upwards. you must have fallen asleep at the kitchen table in the tardis kitchen, [e/c] eyes looked up and spotted the doctor, who had a worried look on her face.

wasn't the first time she found you like this.

" are you alright ? " she questioned. her hand not moving from your shoulder as she came to sit in the chair in front of you. rubbing at your eyes, trying desperately to get rid of the tears that had formed, you nodded your head.

" 'course, " you mumbled and the doctor all but raised a brow, the crease above her the eyebrow became prominent. teeth bit down on your lip and you couldn't help but let a soft chuckle escape your lips and shake your head. " i dreamt about dad again. " the doctor's face fell from worried to sympathetic.

" oh [y/n] " her voice was just as soft and you couldn't help your face as it scrunched slightly and tears pooled at the corners of your eyes again. you all but moved out of your chair and sat on the tiled floor, next to the doctor's chair. you didn't have your mum with you, she was back at home - living a normal life.

so you shuffled closer to the doctor, hurting your knees in the process, but you didn't care, as you rested your head in the doctor's lap.

" i miss him. " the whisper was so soft you didn't know if the blonde heard you. but she was a time lord ... excellent ears. " god - it's already been two years and here i am ... on the floor in a bloody time machine crying ... "

" everyone grieves different, [y/n] " she cut you off - you'd broken down multiple times since your dad's passing and they haven't been pretty. you knew that the doctor was always worried when you got quiet. you then felt her hand run through your hair, a very known way to help you calm down, well - any contact was an excellent way. " everyone moves on at their own pace, there's no right or wrong way to do this. " lifting your head, you placed your chin on your forearm (which was laying across the doctor's legs) a sniff and a huff escaped your lips. dark eyes focused on yours and a soft smile crossed her lips - those eyes ... you knew she had been through a similar experience and you felt ridiculous that you were still crying. " he was your father. you loved him. it's hard to lose someone like that. "

you closed your eyes as the doctor continued to stroke your hair. you had no idea that life could ... get any better - but meeting the doctor that fateful day seemed like ... well fate. she - he had changed your life for the better - distracted you from your loss and even if you haven't moved on yet, it was still better than what the alternative would have been if you hadn't met the doctor ... if the doctor hadn't been real at all - you just knew you would have been stuck in a rut.

" you can always do right in his memory. " the doctor spoke up. " you keep on living and you keep achieving and you do it in his name, [y/n] " why hadn't your family ever told you this. " he wants you to succeed and be the best that you can be. " the doctor then helped you up from the floor - a hand cupping your cheek thumb brushing away a fallen tear, before she wrapped you in a hug. " and you make him proud, " she whispered in your ear.

well - that pushed you over the edge.
but you supposed it was just one of those days where you needed a good cry.

your arms came up underneath hers and wrapped around her shoulders, burying your face against her chest and she held you in her arms - wetting her shirt but the blonde didn't mind, she just wanted you to feel safe and better and proud of yourself.