All That I Wanted

Chapter 4: Home

The ride to her parents home was actually uneventful. No breakdowns, from either them or the car. Both ends were surprising. It seemed that after their fears were admitted, Max's regret and Chloe's fear that she'd end up alone, both had seemed exhausted. They were both ready to sleep in a real bed and eat real food.

The kiss, you idiot. You can't forget that one.

Why did the voice in her head sound so mean? It was helping her remember things, but jeez. Harsh.

The car lurched as Chloe slammed on the brakes, narrowly avoiding running a red light. That snapped her out of her thoughts. Looking at the punk, who laughed nervously and gave an anxious duck of her head towards the wheel, she smiled herself. Even laughed along with her. In this moment, with the dim city lights casting shadows on Chloe's face, things felt kinda normal.

So when they pulled into her neighborhood, why did she feel so scared? Nothing had really changed, despite that they were closer to where they wanted to be.

Home? Max, Seattle never felt like home.

...it hadn't, because she'd left her heart back in Arcadia.

Ah. That's the reason I feel like puking.

Maybe it was because she didn't even identify as the same person she had been when she had left for Arcadia. She was this...horrid version of herself with a shaky outer appearance of an average eighteen year old girl. Not to mention coming home with a new sexual identity. Her parents weren't always that...accepting of things that strayed from the traditional.

But...

Chloe didn't seem to be bothered at the moment. She shouldn't ruin it with her worries. Soon, she might find the courage to bring up her feelings, but she didn't feel like having another dashboard confessional. She was tired of making Chloe feel fucked up and upset, and she knew they were far away from feeling ok, but if she could avoid mental breakdowns when she was given the choice? She would gladly do so. She didn't feel like herself when she got so upset and the aftermath made her feel hollow. She hated it. Along with the reveal of the feelings between them, and knowing they wouldn't be able to explore them for some time since they would be under her parents watchful eyes, had her fucked up. On top of that, her memory was shit, and she couldn't recall wich suburb her house was in. She remembered the address, so Chloe mapped it on her surprisingly not dead phone. She had seemed happy to be useful, maybe too much so. Max hadn't missed the look of concern when she drew a blank, and any time she did the other girl tensed up. She didn't miss it. She just pretended like she did, just like Chloe instantly looked for another solution to the problem she was supposed to solve.

She felt useless.

Hey would you wanna, I dunno, stop thinking of yourself and consider your best friend for a minute?

She swallowed hard, peering at the girl across from her. Chloe was staring at the floorboard, zoned out for the time being. Her hands were fidgeting around the keys she had yet to put in her pocket. When had she turned the truck off?

What is she thinking about?

She'd be stupid to try and guess when she could just ask."Hey, you ok?"

"I'm nervous. You?"

"Same." She leaned up, breaking her staring contest with the floor. The punk managed a shaky smile and brushed a blue strand back under her beanie. "Let's just hope that the Chloe Price charm hasn't faded despite all of this shit."

"It hasn't. Trust me." Max affirmed, and the look she got made her blush. Chloe was smirking.

That damn smirk.