close as strangers ↣ joshler ✓

11. Sleep

Josh got into Reagan's car and instantly kissed her, feeling his nerves leave his body. "Hello to you too," she smiled as he pulled back and put his seatbelt on.

"The universe hates me it's been confirmed."

"What happened?" She asked, pulling away from the mental health center. "Why'd you wanna leave early?"

"Tyler's my therapist."

"You're kidding," she took her eyes off the road to look at him in disbelief.

"Nope," he leaned his head on the window. "I wanna crawl into a hole and die so I don't have to deal with anything ever again."

"You seem to be okay though," she pointed out.

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Doesn't mean I wanna go back."

"How bad was it?"

"Um I cried and I thought I was going to have another panic attack but then I called him an asshole and felt better."

"I'm so sorry, Josh," she spoke, guilt radiating off of her. "I didn't know his last name was Joseph or else I would have canceled the appointment. I really am sorry. I should have told you that before hand."

"It's okay," he replied quietly. "I know you didn't have bad intentions."

"Can I say something? Or will you get upset with me?"

"You can always tell me anything, Rea. You know that."

"I think you should go back."

"What?" Josh looked at her incredulously.

"I think going to see him again will help you move on. I mean you just sat in the same room with the guy for an hour and look how calm you are."

Josh pondered for a moment. She was right. He hated it, but she was right.

"I don't know..." he sighed.

"I mean you don't have to become friends with him again or anything," Reagan explained. "But maybe it'll give you closure or something. Two days ago the mere thought of him gave you a panic attack. Hell, a week ago you had a nightmare because of him. You just held a conversation with him. I'm proud of you, J," she pulled into their driveway, putting the car in park before looking at him. "Do you realize how far you've just come? I'm not saying all your problems are fixed but that was such a huge improvement."

Josh smiled to himself. "Yeah. It was," he agreed.

"So will you go back?"

Josh looked at Reagan, seeing the hopeful look in her eyes. He didn't want to go back. He hated Tyler. Despite that, if Josh went it would make Reagan happy and it was one less thing for her to worry about.

He just wanted to make her happy.

"Okay," he sighed. "I'll go back."

"Are you sure?" Reagan double checked. "You aren't just doing this for me, right?"

Yes. "No."

"Okay," she smiled. "I really am proud of you. I know I keep saying it but I mean it."

"Thanks, baby," he forced a smile on to his face. "Can we go inside? I just wanna lay in bed with the dogs and not do anything."

"Yeah we can."

---

Josh was laying in his bed, Freddie and Jim next to him as they slept. His back was facing the wall and he felt vulnerable.

A single tear cascaded down his face he wiped at it harshly. He was tired of crying. He hated it. He hated Tyler.

Reagan was currently in the living room, watching TV. Josh had tried to get her to lay with him but she insisted she stay out in the living room so Josh could actually get some sleep. She said she wasn't feeling very well and didn't want to get Josh sick if that was the case.

Suddenly, there was a knock at his door. Freddie raised his head in confusion but Jim was laying on him, preventing him from going anywhere. "Come in," Josh croaked out.

He heard the door open and close. He heard footsteps too but he still didn't turn around. It was obviously someone he knew.

A second later he felt two dips on the other side of the mattress and looked over to see Ashley and Hayley sitting on the edge of the mattress. "Hey, babe," Ashley smiled sadly.

"Reagan told us," Hayley continued. "How are you feeling?"

Josh simply shrugged.

"Are you going back?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah," Josh spoke. "I don't want to but I'm only doing it to make Reagan happy," he looked at them. "Don't tell her I said that though."

"We won't," Hayley shook her heard. Ashley stayed quiet.

"Ash?" Josh looked at her, almost begging.

She sighed. "Fine. I'm not gonna argue with you though cause you're vulnerable and I know I'd win. I'm a lawyer. I'm great at arguing."

"I know you are," Josh gave a small smile. "Thanks for not telling her."

"How was it?" Hayley asked, brushing Josh's matching blonde hair off of his forehead.

"I almost had a panic attack but didn't," he explained once again. "I cried but then I called him an asshole and felt better. We talked."

"About?" Ashley raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

"Uh... stuff. I dunno. He asked about Reagan."

"What did you tell him?" Hayley pushed.

"Her age, her name, her job. The fact that I wanted to marry her," Josh yawned, feeling exhausted.

"What?" Ashley whisper yelled.

"Mhm," Josh closed his eyes. "'M gonna marry her someday. I love her."

"Please don't say psych or I'll cry," Hayley told him. "If Ashley didn't exist I'd go for Reagan. I am in love with her."

"Same goes for Hayley. Reagan is a babe."

"Rea's straight you guys," he mumbled.

"So were you. Things can change."

"'M still straight guys. I don' like boys."

"Uh... are you sure, Josh? You dated a boy."

Josh was going to reply but couldn't. He was already mostly asleep. He felt Ashley and Hayley get up from his bed, the married couple leaving the room when he heard the door open and shut.

Josh let sleep overtake him. He remembered dreaming of a familiar brunette but this time it wasn't a nightmare.

And he hated that it wasn't one.