Here We Go Again

Chapter 1, Here We Go Again

"Hey, Chance, hey there buddy.." I hear as my vision begins to clear slightly, "that's it, nice and easy"

And I slowly come to, with a blast of ice moving through my bicep.

"There we go, he's finally up, grab the doctor, we can move him up to psychiatric as soon as we have the thumbs up from him." I hear from a tall black nurse who was talking into a wall phone.

What the hell is going on?

As if reading my mind, I find a hand seizing mine, and lips pressed up against it, "Chance, look at me," I turn my head slightly, and see the puffy red eyes if my mother, "you need to cooperate with these people, they are only helping. Do you understand?"

Still dumbfounded I manage a simple "Yes. I... I think I can do that"

STAB

"Ow!" I yelp as I recoil from the needle.

"You need to stay still, this is to keep you hydrated, it's called saline, cause you can't drink anything right now."

I look over and I see a nurse talking to me, going on about what the iv is, I stopped listening after the word 'saline'. She's kinda cute. I'm thinking as I stare at her chest. She finally finishes talking, "do you understand?" She says.

"Wha..." I'm stuttering, embarrassed cause she knew what I was doing, it was very clear by the disgust on her face, not so cute any more, "oh. Yeah. I think I can do that."

As soon as I say that she wheels around on her heel and marches right out of the room, head held in a high, offended kind if way.

My mother smacks me upside the head, "Her boobs aren't gonna cure you!" She screams as I am suddenly thrown into a fit of convulsions.

'Oh no' I thought, 'I'm gonna puke!' I hate vomiting with a passion it just burns, you always cry, and it tastes so bad. It's like spitting acid. 'No no no no no no no'

It was too late. I'm not sure how many times I threw up, all I know is by the end I was covered in my own vomit, and like a cherry on top of a messed up cake, I throw up blood one last time and blacked out.

When I woke up, I was staring at the ceiling, but it was moving!

'No you idiot' I thought, 'you're the one that's moving'

I was still lying down on a hospital bed, but I'm pretty sure I for a new one. Being this one didn't reek of my vomit. Rolling to my left, I noticed concrete walls.

'What are concrete walls doing in a hospital' I was thinking. Apparently I was thinking aloud because a voice to my right said;

"you're not in the hospital boy, you're in the underground tunnel that connects the east wing of the hospital to the west" I rolled onto my other side and saw an elderly lady, I would say late 60s early 70s, was wheeling my vitals machine rack next to my bed. You know, the one with all the IV's and stuff.

I looked at her expectantly, like a child waiting for the next page Ina story book. But she was done talking. Slightly surprised, I muttered; "oh? Then where am I going?"

She looked at me, partly sorry, and partly disgusted, mostly the later, "you are being transported to the highest security mental health ward to be put on suicide watch until further notice."

"What!" I yelled, more surprised than angry, "I'm fine!"

She simply smiled and shook her head. I knew what she was thinking, downing an entire bottle of painkillers and then trying to hang myself? Of course I'm 'fine'.

"No, you can't take me..." I started.

But she held up her hand, as if to say, 'you're in enough trouble the way it is, I would shut up before you make it worse for yourself.'

She was right, of course, I just don't want to admit it. I know I'm screwed for ever having a normal life again. This would be my 6th inpatient visit to a mental ward. They were gonna send me to residential for sure! I don't want to spend 15 months locked up in a single house with the same people to be watched 24/7! That would be terrible.

"Alright buddy, we're here." Said the elderly lady, "you need to walk from here"

I got up and nearly fell over, it was so much work, I can't do it, like, I physically cannot! My legs won't work, and I started getting super light headed, I'm gonna faint!

"Easy there, you are in no rush to go any where. Now, this next time get up slowly," she very heavily emphasized slowly, "slow and steady wins the race."

She grabbed me right under my armpit and her other hand on my back. Meanwhile, my mother took both of my hands into hers. And next thing I know in standing.

"How you feeling champ?" Asked my mother in a shaky voice.

"A little off balanced, but otherwise ok for now." I looked her reassuringly, I don't want her to hurt any more than I already did.

I was directed towards an unmarked door. I turned around and looked questioningly towards the nurse, who simply nodded and gave me a small shove forward.

The first thing I notice when I walk into the room, was the fat man with glasses behind a desk with a computer. He looked very tired, and I could tell he didn't want to be there.

"Please, boy, have a seat!" He says motioning to the 2 chairs in front if him.

I sat in one, while my mother sat in the other.

"Now," he started, "I'm going to need to ask you some questions. Some if them will be uncomfortable, but I need you to answer them to the best if your ability. And most importantly, you need to answer them honestly."

"Yes sir." I mumbled.

"Let me see here," he said more to himself than anyone else while fumbling with a large folder with a name in it. MY NAME! "Aha! Mr. Sventon! I see you've been here before. "

He looked at me skeptically over the rim if his glasses before continuing, "now you have been lying to us. You wouldn't be here again if you just told the truth. So this time around, if you cooperate and tell the truth. I might just let you out without residential. But I need you to promise to tell the truth."

I was shocked. It's as if he read my mind!

He plowed on "anyway, you've obviously been through the intake process before, so may we get started, Mr. Sventon?"

Still slightly in shock, I manage another "yes sir."

And then the process thing begins. Just the normal questions like "how long have you been suicidal? When did you decide to do it? Why? Are you in a relationship? Do you have any other injuries we need to attend to? Have I lost interest in activities I used to enjoy? Have lost interest in sex? Do I or have I ever used an illegal drug? Do I or have I ever smoked cigarettes/drink alcohol?"

Nothing to unusual I don't remember much of what my answers were. I was to busy thinking about his proposition the '"So this time around, if you cooperate and tell the truth. I might just let you out without residential."'

I am still deep in thought when he startles me by saying, "alright we are done here. Let me show you to your room." He says as he motions me towards the door.

Mindlessly, I get up and move out the door.

My room is a simple mattress on a massive block of solid wood with a thin pillow and 2 thin white sheets. A bathroom, with a toilet and sink, but no door, and a wooden desk with a pullout chair. Everything is bolted to the floor.

Then there's a small window that is the size of a soccer ball and no larger. And, last but most certainly not least, a security camera that can see my entire room, including into the doorless bathroom.

I say nothing as I slide into bed, and, satisfied that I'm settled, the large man leaves. I hear a very loud click as my door locked.

I don't know how long I was laying down, but right as I was drifting off to sleep, someone else in my unit started screaming. Like, this was ear piercing and I was rooms away from this person with massive air tight doors. There's no way I can sleep through that.

This night just keeps getting longer and longer.