Queen Thorn (complete)

Chapter 42

"Christian, please don't feel that way. If I had never been turned then Roza would never have had the motivation to find out how to restore strigoi to their rightful place in the world. And if I hadn't been turned and Roza hadn't gotten me restored then I wouldn't have acted like an mudak and pushed her away. And if that hadn't happened then all of those people that had been living as strigoi, that have been restored, would still be living as strigoi and the ones that you have all killed would still be slaughtering our people. So if you want to connect everything then it is a good thing that she came to campus when she did. Don't get me wrong, I deeply regret all the pain that I have caused my Roza..." He said as he turned to look at me then back to Chris.  (asshole)

"... but because of that pain she has brought thousands and thousands and thousands of our people back to us. And saved countless more lives moroi, dhampir and human lives that the strigoi would have taken."

"I know and understand all of that, I do. But you both know how I have been treated, talked about and put down because of what my parents did. And now it will be even worse when everyone finds out the truth about my aunt. I want her to get what she has coming to her, I do. I just don't want to have to deal with the aftermath and I don't want anyone else who is close to me to be seen as guilty by association. I know that that is selfish, but that is how I feel."

"That isn't selfish Chris, it is only 'human' so please don't feel bad about how you feel."

"Roza is right about that Christian. And worrying about Roza being seen as guilty by association is one of the reasons that I pushed her away when I was restored. I didn't want to have doubt and shame cast upon her because she loved me. But what I learned from that terrible mistake Christian. Is that no matter what, when times get hard and things get difficult, you hold those close to you even closer. You don't push them away to try and protect them, you let them make that decision for themselves."

"He's right Chris, please don't push any of us away because of her. It would hurt us all and probably shatter poor Rebecca's heart just as it did mine when Mitya did it to me. I know that you remember how badly it hurt me when Dimitri did that to me."

"Yes, I remember. I remember you going days even weeks without food, without sleep, crying your eyes out the whole time, driving yourself harder and harder to save and restore more people. I remember having to take you to the hospital because you went too long without food, drink and blood that you fainted in the middle of a fight and almost got yourself killed. Yes sis, I remember it all. We all thought that you were going to starve yourself to death."

I saw Dimitri turn to me in shock, but I didn't look at him because I was afraid of what he would say.

"Well, I didn't actually mean for you to say that out loud but yes you are right that is exactly how broken I was. So please don't put her or any of us through that again."

"I won't. I saw you go through that and your suicidal times and I will not put Becks through that. It's too much, no one deserves to have to go through something like that."

"Thank you." I said.

"I think I will take Becks for a walk around the pond. Is there anything else that you need me for?"

"No, that's it."

"All right, and thank you both for the pep talk."

"You're welcome." Dimitri and I both said.

After Chris left I could still feel Dimitri's eyes on me. I sighed knowing what he was going to say, but I looked up at him anyway.

"Did you really try to starve yourself to death Roza?"