The Switch / Shourtney

Chapter Two: Wild West

Mid-June, 2017

I guess If I'm talking about my feelings for Courtney I should probably take us back in time a little bit and talk about summer games. And I mean Wild West, not Summer Camp. Summer camp was probably the most fun I ever had on Youtube. As for Wild West, I had broken up with Dee about two weeks before and I was still pretty torn up over it. I had told the squad about it a couple days after it happened. They were mad at me for not telling them right away and had known something was up. I had literally told Olivia that I was sore from working out when she had asked me why I looked so pained. I had just needed time to process.

Dee and I had been in what I thought was a long-term relationship. I was in it for the long haul. I loved her, more than anything and I thought we would make it. We had been dating for almost 4 years, since I was 21. We were comfortable together and I thought we were perfect for one another. She thought differently. I felt her growing distant, in my heart I knew it was coming for a couple weeks, but I convinced myself everything was fine.

It wasn't.

We broke up at 3am on a Tuesday in the beginning of June. She cried, so did I. She hadn't cheated, but she almost did. She said she wanted to, but stopped herself before it went too far. Was I supposed to be grateful? She just wasn't feeling it with me anymore. I still felt it in my gut two weeks later. We didn't leave in a fight, we promised to remain friends, but I knew we probably wouldn't. It's tough losing someone who used to be your whole world.

I sat in the back of the bus on the way up to summer games, eyes stuck to my phone, scrolling through Instagram both hoping and dreading to see a post from her. They were filming a vlog in the front of the bus, I could hear Courtney's bubbly camera voice and Damien's comedic one liners that I would usually be adding in. I just wasn't feeling like myself.

We stopped at a gas station for a bathroom break and Courtney bought a spicy Slim Jim for us all to try. I took a bite and went back to my seat to scroll through my phone again.

"Shayne! How was it?" I could see her eyes above the camera she was pointing at me, she was hesitant, I could tell she wanted me to be ok, to be happier again.

"Uh, it was ok, it wasn't too hot."

"Phhhh" she gave me a look.

"Well is wasn't!" I shot back, holding back a smile. 

She had a satisfied expression on her face as she put down the hand cam, and I knew that making me smiled was her goal. Everyone else was still outside the bus as she awkwardly climbed over the seats to sit next to me.

"How are you Shayne, we didn't really get to talk this morning," She tucked her hair nervously behind her ear. I could tell that she didn't want to pry, but she wanted to check in with me and I was touched that she cared.

I slid my phone into my pocket and turned to look at her properly.

"I'm doing great, thanks" I tried, but she shook her head at me.

"You don't have to keep that guard up right now Shayne. I mean, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I'm here for you if you need me. So is the rest of the squad." She added.

I tried to laugh off her words, a joke on the tip of my tongue but I sighed. "I know you are Court, and I'm trying to be ok. I think I just need time. I'll let you guys know if I need to talk".

My response seemed to satisfy her and she playfully elbowed me in the arm.

"Good."

The rest of the gang started piling into the bus and she climbed back over the seats to her spot near the front. I decided in that moment that I would have to try my hardest to play normal for the camera. If Courtney saw through my façade, fans may be able to as well, and there was no way in hell I would let that happen.

We finally got to the ranch and hurried to put our bags down in the lodge. It was a mad rush to grab beds and I ended up scoring a room with Damien and Wes. We all met outside to start the team picking, it was being done randomly this year, mainly because Anthony was gone. Ian was worried that it would be weird to have someone else be team captain. The squad ended up being split in half, with Noah and Olivia on Randy Bandits, and Keith, Courtney, and I on the Cow Baes.

The rest of the day was a bit of a fail. The bull ride broke as soon as Flitz got on it and we had eight hours to kill while we waited for it to be fixed. I ended up shooting a game bang with smosh games and then hanging out with the rest of the squad. We joked around and explored the grounds. Olivia was being crazy as usual, ducking around the different attractions and I had a stich in my side from laughing so hard.

By the time the bull was finally fixed, and we finished the challenge, I had almost forgotten that my heart was still shattered.

Almost.