Bleed for the Camera

Chapter 10

     "Game the system?"

     "Yeah. Everyone in college isn't a genius. I know I wasn't." When I was satisfied I grabbed a bucket of fresh water and started wiping the chemical residue from the fridge.

     "But you are smart."

     "I am. But I'm also confident in my abilities." My hands itched behind thick rubber gloves. "Half of this is believing in your own ability to succeed. If you go around defeated before you've even tried you may as well give up now."

     He nodded. "I know...but sometimes it feels like the whole world's against me."

     "I know. Sometimes I feel like that too." I pulled the gloves from my hands and sat them aside. "Anyway, you know I got your back."

     "Sure," he said. "As long as it's not your boyfriend."

     I couldn't help but sigh. "Not this again."

     "If it's me or him, you side with him."

     I started moving food from the counter back into the fridge. "If this is about him arresting you, that was a long time ag—"

     "It ain't about that." He moved to help me, starting with the dairy products. "I was an asshole back then."

     I shrugged, barely listening. "You made mistakes."

     "'Mistakes'." He said sadly. "Do you even know what I did?"

     Despite being cousins, we hadn't been close during childhood. We were five years apart and lived on opposite sides of the city. Outside of pleasantries during the holidays at Grandma's house, the beats of his life had seemed to play in the background of mine. I was a child when most of it happened, and my mother had only shared the basics of what was truly going on.

     ...Uncle Martin's dead...

     ...Aunt Jackie lost the house...

     ...They moved over there off twenty-second street...

     ...Jackson dropped out of school...

     ...His court date's coming up...

     ...They gave him five years...

     I barely remembered Uncle Martin, but then I was only seven when he died. As for my cousin, I never really knew him until I got that call from mom. They were letting him out early and he needed gainful employment.

     He was a better worker than I'd anticipated he'd ever be. "Did they tell you what I did?" His gaze was unblinking as he waited for my reply.

     "Just...what was important."

     "I changed."

     "I know."

     "Every day I wake up, a thirty-three-year-old man living with his mama, working two dead-end jobs and getting nowhere." He shoved more food into the fridge a little harder than necessary. Dates facing out as I'd taught him. "Sometimes it's hard...to stay straight."

     "Jackson—"

     "When I got out I made a promise to mama, grandma, you, my parole officer, and God that I wouldn't reoffend. I won't."

     "What does that have to do with Manny?"

     "He's seen my record. He knows everything I ever did. Even the shit I was too ashamed to tell anyone about." He leaned back against the freshly cleaned counter. "Every time he looks at me it's like he sees nothing but what's in that record."