Chapter 20

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406 days since Praimfaya (346 days since Madi).

''—and so with a gasp, he fell into a ditch!'' And at Carl's chuckle, Madi glanced at him in disbelief, but then began to grin. ''I know! Really, when I first heard it, I know I shouldn't laugh... but he ended up becoming a great Commander! Not the greatest, of course, but still great. Your turn!'' Madi grinned.

Carl scratched the back of his head, as with his wrist he twisted the fish around in the fire. Madi gaped at the casual action (because how did he do that without the stick snapping?), but then she looked back up at him. ''C'mon, Carl! Tell me another!'' She laughed, grinning at the fire. Carl sat on the opposite end on the rock, as he contemplated her question, ever so often twisting the fish he had on the stick basking in the fire. Embers flickered above, and for once, the cold dark cave felt alight.

Carl smiled, ruefully, and picked at his fish. ''Oh, I don't have much, really.'' His mind flew past the stories he had, but with a jolt, he realised there were no good ones left. All he had was ones with Grounders, ones with his people... and he couldn't go there. Not yet.

But Madi was staring at him eagerly, looking at him for another story. Her eyes shone in the fire. Carl's gaze flickered away from the crackling fire. Bit his lip. ''I... I had a brother, once. And two children.''

Madi looked at him, concerned. ''What happened to them?''

''They died.''

Oh. Oh. ''I'm really sorry about them,'' Madi murmured, eyes flittering away from the fire to the night outside. Feeling the warmth of the flame embrace her. ''Are... are you okay?''

Carl shook his head, oblivious to her question. ''Don't be. It's not your fault,'' and then, the mirrors in his eyes darkened, likened to the dancing flame in the pit. ''It was theirs. The Grounders.''

Disbelief clouded Madi's mind. The Grounders, the words on Carl's lips, the contempt it kept, swirled in her mind. The Grounders. A growl, not nearly a sound, but the expression burned itself in her head. The Grounders. Said like a curse.

Carl still hated them for it?

Of course he did. Of course he did. How could he forget?

''But I am a Grounder,'' Madi burst out, emotion in her lungs and eyes. ''I am a Grounder. So...'' And Madi blinked, a glance away, the Grounders the Grounders the Grounders echoing in her mind. Her legs, her fingers, all felt tense. ''You hate me for it?''

Surprise surfaced on Carl's expression, and Madi expected anger, expected rage, expect yes he did, expected get out of here Madi NOW, but that, the emotion in his face, in his head, settled. Something quiet came out of his lips. ''You're not them, Madi.'' A glance, a flitter away from her face. ''And that's because you don't understand.''

Madi blinked, once, twice at his words. What did he mean that I didn't understand?

''I do understand.'' Madi blurted out, and Carl looked at her with a flurry of emotions. Surprise... confusion? ''I... I had a family once. Had a sister.'' she said, forcefully. And then the memories ploughed her, memories of her mother and father and brother and sister... damnit, why was it so hard to forget?

Carl didn't ask, but nodded. ''I'm sorry,'' he offered, and Madi flickered her eyes away, feeling the memories weigh in her brain, remembered the shouts and their cries and their game... Spirits, Madi felt the tears filling the corners of her eyes, but never enough, never enough to fall.

''What was her name?'' Carl asked, breaking her out of her haze. And as Madi grasped at her memories, she looked at Carl, bit her lip, gazed up from the cave to the lunar night. No, I need to forget. ''... Can't tell you that.''

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