Neverland

Chapter 6

‘No, not yet,’ he replied quietly. 

‘But you're not giving up hope,’ she finished. 

Finn lifted his amber eyes and met hers then. ‘No, I’m definitely not giving up,’ he replied huskily. 

Something in Rachel was excited by the sound of Finn's voice and the way his eyes met hers when he said that. She couldn’t believe that somewhere a small glimmer of hope had sprung up; somewhere in her heart that it was her that he was not going to give up on. That maybe he thought he could truly love her. Shaking her head, she cleared all the ridiculous thoughts about Finn Hudson, and the new and uncontrollable feelings that had reared their ugly head, and turned back to the conversation. 

‘I’m glad,’ she smiled. 

‘What about you?’ Finn asked her hesitantly. He knew that he was taking a risk asking her such a question, but she had been so open with him tonight, unlike he had seen her in the last three months, that he hoped that maybe she would finally be able to talk to him about Brody. 

He watched as her eyes became clouded, and opened his mouth to apologize before he was interrupted by the sound of her angelic voice. ‘Love’s a complicated thing Finn. Sometimes you think you’ve found it, but then it turns out it was never pure or true like you had thought it was,’ she whispered. 

‘Oh Rachel,’ he sighed. The hurt in her voice was enough to break his heart. ‘I’m sorry. Obviously I’ve brought up something that you don’t want to talk about.’ 

‘You're right, I don’t want to talk about it,’ she replied. ‘But the truth is I never do.’ 

‘You can talk to me,’ Finn told her leaning forward in his chair, so that he could place his hand in a comforting gesture over hers. 

‘For what’s it worth, maybe it’s easier talking to a stranger,’ he told her. 

‘You're not a stranger,’ she smiled faintly. 

‘I’m not?’ Finn smiled back, both happy and a little surprised by her response. 

‘No,’ she shook her head. ‘I feel as though I’ve known you forever,’ she told him. 

‘I feel the same way,’ he told her, but for Finn it was in a literal sense. He had watched the beautiful woman in front of him grow from a small child to the wonderful, but hurt person she was today. Through all the good times and bad, throughout her life there had never been a day that Finn hadn’t longed to show himself to her or to be able to take her into his arms. Rachel made him want to be human. 

He knew that he was putting his own heart on the line by being here, trying to help her overcome her grief and sadness. A heart that wasn’t supposed to feel human emotions. Being an angel meant that he was supposed to be beyond human emotions, except for empathy and friendship. That was in fact one of the rules. The problem as far as Finn was concerned, was that no one considered Rachel Berry when they wrote those rules. 

‘I wasn’t totally honest with you today at the cemetery,’ she told him, breaking the silence that had covered the room. 

‘How so?’ Finn asked her. 

‘The friend that I told you I went to visit?’ Finn nodded. That he remembered. ‘It was my fiancée. He died in a car accident three months ago,’ she whispered. 

‘Oh God Rachel,’ Finn's eyes closed. ‘I’m so...’ he started. 

‘Please don’t apologize,’ Rachel stopped him. ‘Everyone always says they’re sorry and I don’t really understand why.’ 

‘It’s because they know what you’ve lost,’ he whispered. He did know, and what scared him more than anything was that he was envious of Brody, because he longed for Rachel to feel even a small ounce of love for him, like she had felt for Brody. 

‘I know, but it just makes it harder. I’m sorry, you're sorry. Everyone is sorry, but it won’t change things. What’s the point of being sorry?’ she asked him through a small sob. 

‘Oh Rachel,’ Finn cried. 

‘I just want someone who knows the truth Finn. The real truth, to look me in the face and say they’re sorry,’ she continued to sob. ‘Because then it might actually mean something to me.’

Puck leaned against the doorframe of Santana's bedroom and watched her sleep. She is so peaceful when she sleeps, he thought. She sure is a little spitfire when she is awake though. 

He had been following her around for most of the afternoon, since Finn had been off doing something that most likely involved Rachel. He wasn’t completely sure what his best friend thought he was doing anymore. He couldn’t believe what a hurricane Lopez had been around the shopping center, in and out of shops like a pro, weaving around masses of people. It was obvious she had been finishing her Christmas shopping, but she had been struggling with one of her friends and he had eventually worked out that it was Rachel. 

He wasn’t surprised. Finn had confided in him about what Rachel had been going through, and he knew from his experience from watching Santana, that Rachel's fiancée's death, as well as Rachel's grief, had greatly affected his charge. 

So he had decided to cut her some slack for the day, laying off the endless round of pranks he had been pulling on her and instead giving her some angelic guidance, and pointing her in the right direction to find the perfect gift for her best friend. 

It was a crystal angel with a gold halo and it stood almost 60cm tall. There was something about that angel that reminded Puck of Finn, and he new that in the tough times ahead, when Finn wouldn’t be around in the flesh for Rachel, that she would be able to find comfort in the beautiful figurine.  had obviously agreed with him because as soon as she had seen it in the window of the small, out of the way gift shop, she had raced in and purchased it, not fussing or worrying about the cost. Seeing the smile that lit up her face when she walked out, after purchasing the gift, had been enough for Puck; because when Santana Lopez smiled she was absolutely breath taking. 

Finn lifted Rachel's small body into his arms and began to carry her towards her bedroom. She had eventually fallen asleep with her head in his lap, as they sat on the floor in front of the fire. He had been unable to stop himself from pulling her into his arms after her heart breaking words. She had cried against him until she was spent, before laying her head down in his lap and letting sleep overcome her. Finn had been content to sit there and watch her sleep as the flames from the fire lit up her beautiful face, but the fire had begun to burn out and the coldness was starting to seep in. 

He laid her gently in her bed before pulling the blankets up around her. He stood and watched her for a few moments before turning and walking slowly to the door. 

‘Finn,’ her voice reached him. He turned back around, expecting to see her beautiful brown eyes staring back at him, but instead her eyes were still closed and her breathing was still even, indicating that she was still sleeping peacefully. 

He may have imagined it. That was most likely the case, but Finn Hudson chose to believe that maybe, just maybe Rachel Berry had been dreaming about him and he couldn’t help but smile.